What the Things That Trigger You Are Trying to Tell You

Have you ever found yourself triggered by a conversation, a comment, or something you saw online, and couldn’t seem to let it go?

We experience minor triggers all the time. Whether someone does or says something that annoys you or you have a frustrating experience, most of the time you are able to move on with your day without a second thought.

But every once in a while, something ends up replaying in your mind on repeat.

When that happens, it’s usually a sign that there’s an important takeaway if you’re willing to dig beneath the surface, even when it’s uncomfortable.

For example, I recently got together with a friend at this beautiful local cacao shop where two people struck up a conversation with us.

The first person was an existing business owner, and someone who radiated excitement over his work and showed up as genuinely wanting to help people live better lives and be more successful. All things I deeply resonate with, because I hold those same beliefs.

The other person was an aspiring business owner who ended up triggering me quite a bit. In reflecting on why that was, I realized it wasn’t just the surface-level stuff.

Sure, he sounded like the poster child for bro marketing and was approaching things in ways that do not align with my values… but sadly, I meet people like him all the time and usually don’t give the encounter a second thought.

So why was it that I kept replaying our conversation when I typically wouldn’t?

When I reflected on why, I realized that the source of the feeling was that he was being dishonest and presenting something that wasn’t what it seemed.

And the worst part was that I think he (at least partially) believed his own hype so not only was he being dishonest with others… but he was also being dishonest with himself.

And that was what I realized was underneath the annoyance I couldn’t let go of.

So I asked myself, “Where am I not being fully honest with myself? Where am I trying to convince myself of something?”

That was at the center of the unsettled feeling I kept having.

It took a lot of reflection to get to the answer, and it reminded me how important it is to look beneath the obvious surface reasons at the story beneath the story.

As founders, we spend a tremendous amount of time focused on solving problems, making decisions, supporting our team, and expanding our business.

It’s far less often that we pause to explore what our own reactions might be revealing about us.

Taking time for self-reflection is one of the most valuable tools we have for making aligned decisions and growing into the next version of our leadership.

I happen to be in the middle of a significant period of introspection and evolution, so it fits that new triggers are both popping up for me and that I am finally in a place where I’m willing to look at what I might otherwise gloss over.

What I realized was that I’d been convincing myself to hang on to things in my business that I knew deep down I had outgrown.

Some I was keeping for the sake of my team and some for my clients. Others because I didn’t want to let people down or because I felt a deep sense of obligation to keep filling the gap I know my market desperately needs.

But what they all had in common when I got really honest with myself was that they were no longer what I wanted.

That’s why that conversation in the cocoa shop caused a reaction…

If you experience something that keeps replaying in your head, a conversation, an interaction, even something you saw online, it can be so valuable to give yourself space to reflect on it.

When you dig beneath the surface and ask yourself, what’s the message here? what’s this situation inviting me to notice about myself?, more often than not, there’s something valuable to learn.

It’s worth asking what part of you it’s connected to and what shift you might need to make as a result.

• What about the experience feels unsettling or off to you?

• What makes this something you keep thinking about?

• What is the pattern beneath the surface?

• Where is that same pattern showing up for you right now?

It takes a commitment to both create the space for reflection and to push through the discomfort of what the reflection may bring up for you, but doing so is an invitation to grow and get closer to what you really want.

The deeper your understanding of yourself becomes, the more you grow as a leader in a way that’s truly aligned.

Dig deeper into this topic on episode 292 of the Simplify to Scale Show. Watch the episode below or tune in on Apple, Spotify, or search What the Things That Trigger You Are Trying to Tell You on your favorite player.