My latest level up in reaching flow state

If you're in the Seattle area, come see me this Thursday in Puyallup at the Meeker Mercantile!!!

-

A few years ago I went to Mexico for a journaling retreat, and left with a revelation: Lay down your sword.

I had conquered the worst of my demons by giving up on and then rebuilding my identity as a writer. But the war wasn't fully over (will never be over) and I was still plagued by a few imps.

I was still being hard on myself and expecting that negative energy to make me productive. When I decided to “lay down my sword" and stop fighting myself, I entered a new era of peace and happiness.

Did my productivity increase? No, not at all. But I gave up on my internal judgements about that.

I am what I am (autistic with ADHD), and I'll produce what I produce. My dopamine deficiency and chronic exhaustion mean I'll never write every single day, or be prolific, or heed neurotypical goal setting.

And that's okay.

Accepting this has improved my internal quality of life significantly. At the same time, I'm always trying to improve with my writing.

Sometimes I start to feel hopeless and stupid again, but now I can recognize those thoughts, and let them go. "That's a nighttime thought,” I'll remind myself. "You'll feel better in the morning." And I do.

But lately an insidious new demon began infecting me, twisting my goals into the same old whips I use to flog myself.

The demon was this: As I draft DEATH MERIDIAN, I'm trying to reach new heights of character motivation and flaws, and use the plot as ways to exacerbate those issues plus use the conquering of them to create a deeply satisfying plot climax.

But without noticing, it turns out I'd made an unconscious new rule for myself, which is that I must plan each scene in such a way that it's checking certain boxes. And that completely sapped the fun out of it.

Back when my only goal was traditional publishing, I had to prioritize working on a book that was my next opportunity for breaking through. Now that I'm indie publishing, I can do whatever I want!

So instead of beating my head against the wall with DEATH MERIDIAN (even though it's going well in general and I'm so proud of it), I can do fun things like working on the sequel to AWAKENED!

So there I was, digging into the 30k I already wrote on it years ago (even though a lot will need to be rewritten, which is GOOD because it means I've grown!) when I decided to change the beginning.

It currently starts with Rose dreaming, which I know is a typical no-no, but because this is a book series about sleeping beauty and the trauma of losing memories during that sleep, it makes sense. The sequence wasn't going to last very long, just enough to demonstrate how Rose still has nightmares about not being able to wake up, and not remembering loved ones.

But then! I had this idea: You know how in AWAKENED the first chapter cuts off midway, demonstrating how Rose’s memories are cut off? What if I finished writing that scene (where she meets the prince for the first time) and use THAT as the dream?

It would be a fun way to call back to the earlier book and give readers a conclusion to that prematurely ended scene. What a great way to show how Rose has recovered her memories AND still dwells on the romance of her past, right?

So I wrote the scene. And then wrote a little bit more, because the characters kept having conversations. And soon I had written kind of a lot of scenes.

Okay, so I can't start the sequel with ALL these scenes, but maybe I could sprinkle them through the sequel as a way to demonstrate how Rose is still obsessed with her past, AND keep readers sympathetic to her sadness at losing the prince.

But…by the time the story was over, it was 18k words.

Ahhh, I realized at last. It's a NOVELLA.

The thing is… I never intended to tell the full story of Rose and Halen’s romance. I didn't know the details myself, until this story fell out of me IN ONLY A WEEK! I even wrote 7k one night, which is insane!!!

I was obsessed. I was having FUN.

And then I realized that is what was missing from my DEATH MERIDIAN sessions. I had tipped too far into equation and planning, forsaking just having fun because I told myself I could only write fully planned and vetted scenes.

With this revelation, and a new addiction to Celsius energy drinks, I've been so happy and productive. I actually look forward to free time for writing instead of making myself initiate a session out of guilt or obligation.

Nothing lasts forever. I'm sure this fixation will fade. New roadblocks will appear. And that's okay, too.

I'm making the most of it while I can, and I'm so excited to share more details about the novella with you.

Speaking of, if you read AWAKENED and want to read the novella as a beta reader, please let me know!!!

Summary: In the aftermath of AWAKENED, Rose recounts the summer she fell in love with Prince Halen. After appropriating a hostage from other bandits, Rose’s village hopes to collect a ransom on their new prisoner. The only problem is that he won’t tell them who he is. The elders put the young nobleman to work, and as Halen earns the respect of the village he also pursues a skeptical Rose, who can’t make sense of her feelings about the handsome southerner. As trust and romance bloom, Rose and Halen’s love ignites… Until the village’s banditry and Halen’s true identity threaten their dreams of the future.

<3,

Savannah