# Satire School Sharp satire that educates, entertains, and empowers you to act. For teens who want to stay informed without falling asleep. Page: Feed: --- ## [CDC Announces Revolutionary "Don't Look Down" Policy for Rising Child Mortality](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/cdc-announces-revolutionary-dont) _2025-08-22 · Satire School_ CDC officials introduce innovative strategy of ignoring statistics entirely while assuring parents that closing their eyes during free fall significantly reduces sensation of plummeting. ## [In Alaska, Putin and Trump Announce "Oligarch Exchange Program"](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/in-alaska-putin-and-trump-announce) _2025-08-19_ Russian billionaires and American tycoons to swap countries in "groundbreaking initiative to optimize wealth extraction techniques across hemispheres" ## [Trump Deploys National Guard to Fight Crime Stats with Tanks](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/trump-deploys-national-guard-to-fight) _2025-08-18_ Trump mobilizes military force to protect Americans from the terrifying threat of statistical accuracy. ## [CIA's "JFK Assassination Cover-Up Department" Wins Employee of the Century Award](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/cias-jfk-assassination-cover-up-department) _2025-08-14_ In a stunning ceremony, the CIA honors George Joannides posthumously for his "outstanding contributions to national security through creative fact management and congressional misdirection.” ## [U.S. Medal of Freedom Awarded to Colombian Drug Lord for Exceptional Service](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/us-medal-of-freedom-awarded-to-colombian) _2025-08-13_ US announces it will bestow a special "Medal of Freedom With Distinction" upon former Colombian President Álvaro Uribe, who was recently sentenced to 12 years of house arrest for bribery and fraud. ## [Girl Guides Suspend US Trips, Trump Demands Cookies as Ransom](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/girl-guides-suspend-us-trips-trump) _2025-08-12_ In a stunning escalation of diplomatic tensions, President Trump demands "every last Thin Mint" before allowing Canadian girls to cross border again. ## [Trump Rents Piece of Armenia, Names It After Himself](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/trump-rents-piece-of-armenia-names) _2025-08-11_ The US President leases disputed land for 99 years, promises peace through privatization, and totally doesn't mention the ethnic cleansing that happened first. ## [Court Rules Thinking About Privacy Now Classified as Money Laundering](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/court-rules-thinking-about-privacy) _2025-08-08_ Merely imagining financial privacy has been ruled illegal, with teenagers now required to livestream all pocket money transactions. ## [ICE Unveils "All-Seeing Eye" App, Promises to Only Spy on "Bad Hombres"](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/ice-unveils-all-seeing-eye-app-promises) _2025-08-07 · Satire School_ ICE leadership assures citizens that iris-scanning technology will only be used on immigrants before chuckling and winking. ## [Non-custodial Crypto Payments & Escrow (Sponsored)](https://crawlproof.com/a/qNBJCE8jGnxZ) _2025-08-07 · **Sponsored**_ Accept multi-chain crypto with trustless escrow, instant confirmations, and no KYC ## [Tesla Board to Elon Musk: 'You've Been So Bad at This Job, Here's $27 Billion'](https://satireschool.substack.com/p/tesla-board-to-elon-musk-youve-been) _2025-08-06_ Tesla's Special Committee of "disinterested" billionaire directors bypasses shareholder approval to gift their boss another fortune while company profits plummet.