Post # 93: What I Know For Sure

Oprah asks:
What do you know for sure?

When I ask myself: “What do I know for sure?”…

I think about what I’ve learned after working as a therapist for 38 years with probably more women with ADHD than most, simply because I started so early, at the beginning of when women started to be identified, when I wrote the book that described what I saw.

What I Know For Sure is the look on someone’s face when they read with a shock of recognition the description I wrote about their inner world. Because it undoubtedly means they are not alone in this experience. What I Know For Sure is the relief women feel when, instead of giving them a quick fix, I offer understanding.

I know, for sure, the feeling I see when their whole body receives this message—the surge of relief and letting go—when they realize someone has put words to what has felt indescribable their whole lives. It’s like reaching the end of a mystery book: the moment when the mystery is finally solved, and they’re discovering the answer they’ve been searching for all along. The clues all add up.

What I Know For Sure is that although many women come in hoping to be “cured,” they feel a mix of amazement, peace, and incredulity, when they see, very early on, that I don’t want them to be cured of who they are.

I want them, above all, to be themselves.

I want them to feel seen. I want them to feel that I value them at their core, so they can begin to see that possibility for themselves. Over time, they can start to hold that vision of themselves on their own.

What I Know For Sure is what it’s like to have the privilege of being a therapist for women with ADHD for 38 years now, and to watch women move from self‑hate to self‑respect, from running away to standing their internal ground. I watch them move from measuring themselves by what others think they “should” be able to do, to seeing their ADHD traits for what they are…the way their brain is wired, not a moral failure.

What I Know For Sure is the power of the moment when they look at themselves and start to see the woman I’ve seen from the start: proud, strong, and whole. Not just a collection of strengths and challenges, but a full human being.

I know what it’s like to start with ADHD and overwhelm as a baseline—and then add everything else life brings to everyone at different times, grief, loss, pain, illness, relationship disappointments, children’s struggles, spouse issues, financial stress. You start off already “filled up” with chronic issues, with very little extra space for all of this.

I know that a women with ADHD is a human being who suffers, struggles, and still stays in the game. She is someone who is overwhelmed, and needs to rest and recover and step back. And, she is someone, who, somehow, miraculously, gets up at some point and keeps going. She persists and eventually finds a new way .

If you are one of those women, you most likely use those deep inner qualities to move through your challenges—not by trying to measure up or perform some set of superficial skills, but eventually being able to see yourself like I do, from a 30,000‑foot view, seeing the amazing women you have always been even if hidden from your own clouded view.

It begins with that moment I see on your face when amazement and hope replace fear and shame—the look that says, “You see me.”

This Is What I Know For Sure:

Women with neurodivergence and ADHD are not doomed to some textbook description of “comorbid this” or “disordered that.”

You are not just a label.

You are deep, warm, human beings.

What I Know For Sure is that I am profoundly grateful for the privilege of witnessing these miracles every day.

I ask you:
What do you know for sure about yourself?