Welcome to Sex and Style, where we pick up where sex-ed left off. Written by Certified Sexologist Sarah Ward, this newsletter delivers weekly tips on embodied erotic reclamation, nervous system attunement, and the healing power of pleasure — straight to your inbox.
If things have seemed quiet around Sex and Style lately, it’s not your imagination.
In the last few weeks, life has been royally life-ing. There’s been a hospitalization in our household with major health scares and sleepless nights that have left me with very little overflow to give from. Even sex has become scarce.
Since this Substack literally has sex in its name, I confess to feeling a pressure to always include sex in each essay.
Except — the things that generally stand in the way of us and the erotic are often decidedly unsexy.
Stress.
Resentment.
Fear of rejection.
Depression, anxiety or illness.
Hormonal shifts (like peri/menopause, postpartum or low testosterone)
Burnout.
Body image and low self-worth.
Performance anxiety.
Residual cultural or religious beliefs about sex.
Infidelity.
Trauma.
Grief.
This list of 12 things will slam the brakes on the erotic. I’ve dealt with every single one. How about you? What combination are you holding right now?
The conditions required for great sex to bloom are delicate: all it takes is a little disruption to fall left of the middle and memorable sex is far less likely to happen.
This is why it’s so important to be taking care of our nervous systems. That way when we need to make a big withdrawal, you’re more likely to have enough of a balance to avoid being overdrawn.
Here’s a few things you can try:
Put your hand on your heart — or your lover’s heart — and breathe.
If you are giving this to another, bonus points for putting one hand on their chest, and one hand on their upper back, near the heart.
Swamping is a dramatization of your emotions. Think of it like a dance experience where you feel your emotions and turn them all the way up. This embodiment movement practice is designed to facilitate a release.
Mama Gena created this practice and here’s how she explains it:
You are not pretending that everything is ok or fine.
You are actually throwing a party for your feelings.
Inviting them in.
Choosing to feel, instead of going numb, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
What we feel, we can heal.
Want a copy of my free guide Dance Your Way to Freedom that outlines the steps to swamp and gives song recs for each emotion?
Did you know that making sounds is a way to signal to your nervous system that you’re safe?
This is why moaning during a pleasurable experience is so potent. It helps you down-regulate into a rest and digest state in your nervous system. Give it a try.
Sex and Style is a love letter to the body, written by Sarah Ward, Certified Sexologist, Somatic Sex Coach & Wardrobe Stylist. She helps people reclaim pleasure, presence, and style — fully clothed and beyond. Based in Albuquerque, NM, she works with clients worldwide.
Let’s get you dressed. And undressed.
If you’ve been looking for ways to experience more pleasure or feel more connection with your partner, reach out! I’d love to support you in your expansion.
Subscribe free · Join The Portal Somatic Sex Membership · Book a free call
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.