Obsessed

America feels different than it did a few months ago. Way different. We are going through a constitutional crisis, people now face deportation without due process, and the stock market is hanging by a thread. It would seem there are a lot of big issues to address here. AND YET: Not a day goes by without FOX News broadcasting some new sensational story about trans people. Apparently, trans people are the reason for everything from the deficit to LA traffic to global warming to the cost of eggs (up 65% from last year, thank you very much). So what gives? What’s with all the attention? One percent of the population can’t really be responsible for all a country’s problems. And yet, trans people exist under a microscope right now. Today, we take a closer look at where it all started:

Let’s dial it all back to 2015. That was the year that SCOTUS handed down the groundbreaking Obergefell v Hodges decision, where marriage equality became the law of the land. Yes, after a long battle for equality, same-sex couples were finally able to legally marry. This development, along with talk of a transgender tipping point, sure felt like signs of progress. And I, for one, was excited.

Not everybody felt the same.

In fact, certain right-wing factions at once began exploring ways to roll back LGBT equality, and their focus soon became transgender rights. From a numbers perspective, this made sense. Since the trans community is small (again, only about 1% of the population), most Americans don’t directly know someone that is transgender. It was therefore easy to spread misinformation about trans people, who are already deeply misunderstood.

The Republican party apparently used focus groups to determine that emotional issues like youth accessing gender-affirming care and trans girls in sports were a foothold in which to gain traction. The conservative propaganda machine then went to work spitting out anti-trans messaging. Now that the public has been hammered on these issues for years, we can all observe a chilling reality: the Overton window has shifted on trans rights. Trans existence has been framed to the general public as an ‘ideology,’ one that presents a threat to women, children, and society at large. This mindset has escalated into anti-LGBT sentiment in general, to the point where marriage equality is being scrutinized once again.

None of it is by accident. All of this is by design. Republicans specialize in leveraging social wedge issues because their largest voting bloc is Evangelical Christians. In an effort to appease this base, two-thirds of which actually show up to vote, the Republican party drives home anti-LGBT rhetoric like its life depends upon on. . .because its life does depend upon it. This is how they win elections, by pandering to a hyper-conservative religious base with a high voter turnout that promises to keep them in power.

We do not live in a vacuum, however. Messaging only works when people receive the messages. . .and believe them. So why is it so easy for Americans to believe all the bad press about trans people? Well, thirty years into my transition, I have a few thoughts about this. They are deep. They are highly psychological. And they may have much less to do with the trans community than appears on the surface.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when a person holds two contradictory beliefs at the same time.

For example, my whole life I am told that the sky is blue. Then, I wake up one day and see the sky is orange. I feel uncomfortable inside because this new information conflicts with my previously held belief. The discomfort eats at me so I react in one of three ways 1) I avoid looking up at the orange sky, 2) I limit the impact of this new evidence by claiming it to be a one-off, or 3) I delegitimize what I see by discrediting the thing that created the dissonance (in this case, my eyesight). Any way you cut it, I either have to discard one belief OR integrate new information in order to relieve my internal conflict.

Now, let’s apply this concept to the subject matter at hand.

For some, the existence of trans people disrupts the reality that they were told. And yes, I said the reality they were told. As mentioned in my last article, the strict gender binary is mostly a white, European colonial import that set up a rewards system for a preferred class of people (white Christians at the top). This system has dominated Western society for hundreds of years and many see it as the natural order, precisely because it’s what they have always known.

But I’m going to dissect this and take it one layer deeper. As a trained hypnotist, I’ve learned one thing about the human mind: our subconscious beliefs are mostly laid down prior to the age of seven.

The above quote is by the Greek philosopher Aristotle. He understood that up until the age of seven, children are little sponges. Their brains are in a theta wave state akin to hypnosis, meaning that they are prone to suggestion. That means that they passively absorb ideas and social behaviors into their subconscious—even ones that are negative or harmful—and accept them as truth without question. This is because their critical thinking is not online yet. In this way, a foundation is laid. And this foundation can unknowingly direct a person’s life—unless they actively work to update it (through repetition, affirmations, or tools like hypnosis). This is why early religious teachings and familial habits are so deeply ingrained into people—they are literally the foundational programming the child builds their world-view upon. As a result, many people will defend their programming—even if it is wrong or incomplete—because it is familiar to them.

In this sense, we see that anti-trans backlash is partly due to attachment. People are attached to their childhood conditioning. And when that person encounters someone trans, it challenges their world-view (or subconscious programming) about the gender binary. This may lead to cognitive dissonance. The person then has two choices: 1) do the extra work of expanding their knowledge about gender or 2) delegitimize the trans person as ‘fake’ or ‘mentally ill’ to throw the dissonance fact out. Both options will ease their cognitive dissonance. Only one option is the healthy option. Today, there is a robust right-wing media ecosystem that encourages people to delegitimize trans identities. So, many will default to that pattern because it has been socially normalized. That does not make it right, however.

And then, there is the issue of resentment. . .

Trans people take the black and white system of gender (spoiler alert: it was never black and white) and make it gray. While this is not rocket science, society is quite resistant to change. And extra levels of complexity are often met with resentment. One area that demonstrates this resentment is the moment of disclosure.

Ask any trans person about the look they get when disclosing to an unsuspecting cis person. All of us have been there. Cis people often look like they have seen a ghost when someone shares that they are trans. We (trans people) know it’s because that person is colliding on the inside with their subconscious programming about gender. And we also disrupt the commonly held belief that people can always ‘tell’ (they can’t). I personally know everything to look for and even I can’t always ‘tell’ when someone is trans.

After a trans person discloses, many cis people are thrown off. Some feel personally challenged. And many default to the script that society has given them about trans people—that it is ok to ask invasive questions, scrutinize our bodies for ‘signs,’ or be dismissive towards us.

Behavior like that is not ok. It’s actually very dehumanizing.

I know all of us grapple when integrating new information. I think for cis people, it’s very disarming to know the human body is so malleable, that all those ‘sex-based’ differences are more fluid than imagined. Trans people level the playing field. And that’s why right-wing politics target us. We explicitly disrupt their power hierarchy.

It is also in this moment of disclosure that a trans person faces one of their greatest life tests—the test of staying unbothered while we feel emotionally naked. It is difficult to be vulnerable and disclose in an unforgiving world. It feels raw. And yet more often than not, we are left picking up the pieces—comforting the other person while they process new information. Trans people learn quickly that we must master our dignity and self-worth from within because 99% of the time we won’t get it ‘out there.’ This is not just a mandatory lesson. It is a matter of survival.

In being true to ourselves, we often hold the mirror up to people. We show them where they need to heal. That experience can be confrontational, even when it’s not our intention to be. I believe that this is what fuels the backlash—we point out the flaws in the system. And I think people know that the system is collapsing. It literally is collapsing before our eyes. And these attempts to eradicate trans people are just one example of its dying gasp.

The last few years have taught me a lot. I used to think that being trans was my test, my ‘cross to bear’ in this lifetime (as my mother would say). Lately, I’ve started to rethink that idea. I’m starting to think that my purpose really is to hold that mirror for others. Keep in mind that it is not trans people broadcasting themselves all over the news everyday. Right-wing media is doing that. They are the ones obsessed. They are obsessed with us because we are mirrors. We reveal to them their own shadows and how the system (the gender binary) is broken. And I’m sure they find that maddening. So, their solution is to defend the system, even though it hurts them too. It’s easier for them to hate trans people than to dismantle the system that oppresses them. Like the people in Plato’s allegory about the cave, some humans will fight to keep their prisons. I get it. But also, after almost 50 years, my message to the world is this:

You too could be free.

And lastly, let’s discuss the ugly green monster in the room. I know—some of you will laugh at this—but anti-trans backlash is partly fueled by jealousy. Cue all the mocking comments here. I’m sure the majority of people would say that they’d never want to be trans. Maybe not, but we all want to be free.

Trans people are about as free as you can get. Every single trans person has, to some degree, unplugged from the matrix. We know what life is like on the other side. And even without the safety blanket of conformity, we continue to live our lives. Many of us thrive. I’ve noticed that this infuriates some people, especially the ones who most ‘play by the rules.’ They are angry that we have the audacity to live in full color. They are angry that they remain chained. As a friend recently said, “We point out to people their own domestication.”

Ouch.

That is a bit harsh, but also partly true. Society’s resentment comes from the realization that they are not free. It’s certainly easier to balk at freedom than to claim it for one’s self. So, the resentment builds and gets directed outwards at the ‘problem,’ creating a cycle. Cycles always continue until they are broken.

The positive I see from all the anti-trans backlash (which again, is not organic—it has been created), is that people are thinking. All of this is churning inside of people’s brains. Things need to churn and process in the collective mind before they get spit out on the other side. In one sense, I think we are actually getting to that point. I believe trans acceptance is on its way to hitting critical mass, even if the pendulum swings the other way for now. In the meantime, my community continues to hold up the mirror. We shine a light on the unhealed recesses of the collective mind still attached to an outdated, broken colonial gender binary.

The trans community is strength. We are revolutionary. We are resilient. We are cosmic. We are enduring. AND we will survive all this. The world will eventually exhaust itself from all the mental machinations and arrive on the other side. And I believe it is then that we will join hands. And trans people everywhere will whisper:

“Doesn’t it feel good to be free?”

Thanks to everyone who stayed with me until the end. I know this was a long one. My hope is that what I write helps to build a framework of understanding for others. If you’re reading this and you have some experiences of your own you’d like to share—please reach out to me. I may collaborate with you on a future article. I’m interested in building a community here.

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