How I Get What I Want (Eventually)

I’m literally shitting rn when this thought hits me.

So im writing or rambling idk

Not in a cute, aesthetic, journaling-with-a-matcha way.

Just real life. Human. Unfiltered.

I’m reading something about a girl who became a stripper, and the writer said something that stuck with me — that she could have been anything else. That it wasn’t circumstantial. It was a choice.

And I paused.

Because that idea — that your life is not something you fall into, but something you choose into — has been following me around lately.

Earlier today, I was talking to my ex.

And we somehow got into this conversation about how I live my life.

I told him something I didn’t even realize I believed this strongly until I heard myself say it:

Nothing I do is accidental. Everything is intentional.

Even the small things.

Like the fact that I had mint notes in my bag.

Not because of some grand story — someone literally just gave them to me.

Or the random $100 sitting there like it belongs.

Or the way I casually mentioned that I drove a Range Rover and a Porsche over the weekend.

No big plan. I just wanted to. So I did.

And he kept asking me, how?

Like there had to be some hidden system.

Some secret network of rich men.

Some explanation that would make it make sense.

But the truth is much simpler.

I move like I already belong in the life I want.

And somehow, life keeps agreeing with me.

It’s not that everything falls into my lap instantly.

But there’s this quiet certainty I have that if I decide I want something, it’s already on its way to me.

Maybe not now.

But eventually? Always.

And I think that’s where my power really is.

Not in what I have.

Not in who gives me access.

But in the way I see myself.

Because when you genuinely believe you’re someone who gets what she wants,

you stop asking timidly.

You stop negotiating your desires down to something more “reasonable.”

You just… decide.

And then you move like that decision is final.

But I’m also starting to understand something else.

There’s a difference between accessing a life… and owning it.

Right now, some of the things I experience come through people. Through proximity. Through energy. Through being the kind of person others want to give to.

And that’s real power.

But I’m interested in something deeper.

I don’t just want to be a girl who can enter certain rooms.

I want to be the reason the room exists.

I want the life I’m living to still stand, even when nobody is handing me the keys.

So maybe this isn’t just about getting everything I want.

Maybe it’s about becoming the kind of person for whom the things she wants are inevitable.

Even on a random day.

Even in the most unglamorous moment.

Even on the toilet.

That’s the kind of power I’m building.