I came back to writing, specifically to start Salty Divas, with a single mission: where can I find comfortable pants.
For my British friends, I’m using the US term ‘pants’, not to be confused with ‘knickers’.
I hear your sniggering. Living with a Brit for three decades has taught me to be wary of unknowingly slipping in a double entendre, using words that have multiple trans-atlantic meanings and phrases that ignite giggling schoolboy humour that reverberates for years.
Example: “Remember that time when you suggested we name our son ‘Derek’!”
Cue decades of ridicule and reminder every single time the name ‘Derek’ is mentioned.
No shade to anyone called Derek.
The first week I moved to Britain back in 1990 I had drinks with a loud group of bankers - a ‘friend of a friend’ who invited me to join them at Harry’s Bar in Mayfair. When I casually mentioned the term ‘fanny pack’ they roared with laughter, ridiculed me endlessly and asked me to repeat it without explaining why. Later, I learned the British meaning of ‘fanny’ and also realized that their ferocious mocking was indeed, a sort of endearment tactic in which I was welcomed into the fold (if I could take it without crying.).
We then moved to differences between knickers, pants, underwear and trousers. Context is everything. For that night, this naive, new graduate was the centre of attention for all the wrong reasons, a jarring introduction to British culture.
Let’s get back to pants. Or trousers to be specific.
A few years ago, as I daydreamed about a life where I wasn’t working to build someone else’s wealth but only for my own joy and future success, I had an idea to create a Media Empire. (10x is better than 2x, right?).
My media empire would cover everything that a woman of my age wanted and needed. I had visions of interviews with remarkable women doing remarkable things (The REAL Cate Blanchett!), menopause advice (“To Patch or Not to Patch’) fitness tips (‘Yes, you CAN run a marathon at 55!). Article ideas about healthy living were quickly added to the list of ideas (“Teflon: Yay or Nay?’). - and fashion advice for the over 50 woman who just wants to be comfortable. Hence the core idea - where to find pants to fit an ever-expanding, menopausal waistline that look good and even sexy but most importantly, don’t make me feel like I’m wearing full body Spanx.
I pitched the idea to a male friend. He has a fancy MBA from a fancy Ivy-league institution so I thought he’d be the perfect mentor to discuss my grand plan. With slight confusion he said ‘but what is it ABOUT. What’s the core premise? What’s your Minimum Viable Product?”
The niche. What’s the ‘niche’ of a media empire geared toward women in their 50s who are fed up with the rat race, who have money to spend and no qualms about spending it. Menopausal women is the new ‘It Girl’ niche and aren’t I an expert in this?
“It’s about pants” I said, “There are NO comfortable pants for women my age that aren’t yoga pants or sweats. We’re always looking for the perfect pair of black pants, the ones that don’t elicit a hernia after a big meal or are so expensive that we keep them for ‘good’ especially when we are working remotely from home and cleaning up cat puke in between video calls.”
My friend looked puzzled. “It’s kind of interesting, I guess..” Can’t you just wear jeans?” he said, not realizing that menopause brings with it some changes and denim, for many of us, just doesn’t cut it anymore.
Sigh.
I completely forgot the wise words of Rob Fitzpatrick in The Mom Test: How to Talk to Customers & Learn If Your Business Is a Good Idea When Everyone Is Lying to You.
And those words are you “shouldn’t ask your mom whether your business is a good idea, because she loves you and will lie to you.” I should have asked 100 women over 50 about their pants struggles instead of one confused male friend about my business idea
It’s the same for friends. Do not trust them. They love you and will tell you what you want to hear. Or worse. They will tell you it’s a bad idea. Why? Because they love you but they are looking at you through a different lens.
But back to pants.
I’m still looking. Still looking for pants/trousers that don’t dig in after a meal, that aren’t made of stretchy material that is so hot the sweat starts dripping between my thighs, that clings in all the wrong places and that actually look good after a 5 hour plane journey without being voluminous flowing wrinkle-fest.
And I’m still writing. My writing has moved on from my quest for pants.
That’s the point - writing is an evolving exploration of the self. Every time I put pen (ok, cursor) to screen I never know where it may go. Sometimes it rambles and meanders, at other times, it is sharp and to the point.
The end result is this - there’s no end. Your work can be anything you want it to be. It is an evolution of the self and of ideas. It starts with a single idea and branches out endlessly.
The trick is to keep going. Keep exploring, keep writing. On the back of a napkin, on a screen, in a notebook - once the ideas start, they can be formed and shaped, explored and expanded upon. But if you don’t write them down, they disappear.
So maybe I’ll never find the perfect pair of pants. But that’s not really the point anymore. The point is that writing—like life—isn’t about landing on the flawless fit. It’s about trying things on, discarding what doesn’t work, and noticing how each attempt shifts you into a slightly different version of yourself.
What started as a search for trousers became a search for voice, and that’s the real gift of this practice. Every paragraph is a new fitting room. Some days it’s awkward, even scary. Some days it’s liberating, but it’s always a step forward.
And maybe that’s what keeps me here, cursor blinking, still exploring: the discovery that writing, much like living, is less about finding what fits perfectly and more about being willing to keep trying.
Turns out I didn’t need perfect pants. I needed perfect stories. And those, it seems, are everywhere.
Are you still searching for the perfect pair? Let me know below!
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.