Who are you...

The first indicator of a problem in a relationship is when you don’t feel safe to say what’s on your heart and mind.

If you read this and jokingly thought “pssht if I just said everything I wanted to when I wanted, I wouldn’t have a relationship!”… are you really joking, or are you feeling shame about that part of you that has been criticised when honest?

Perhaps there’s a part of you that culture, your family, your peers say you shouldn’t have… I’m not how I’m supposed be

Maybe your parents sacrificed for your education and now they are living vicariously through your every “right” decision… the weight

Maybe your insides yearn to be an artist, but your dreams were laughed at… and now you’re in medical school… hide it away

Or maybe big breath you don’t actually want to get married and have kids, but you can’t even talk with your with your best friend let alone your partner… there’s something wrong with me

All of these situations are who you are in culture, in society, with others… for now.

I see in my life where time and time again I bit my tongue, reined myself in, swallowed down my broken-ness and looked around to see how I should be behaving… and I copied other people’s lives.

Why?

Because I was too scared to live my own life, my choices, to take responsibility for it ALL.

Because (in the short term) it felt better to be part of the group.

Because I didn’t think I could deal with things feeling WORSE.

I made blending in and people pleasing my safety net of choice.

The truth is, from an evolutionary perspective this IS a fear response. These are strategies for surviving…

…but they are NOT strategies for thriving.

You know those rescue dogs, the St Barnards, how they sport a neckerchief of a Brandy cask to revive avalanche victims from shock?

Well a dash of Brandy may lift the spirits, galvanise dutch courage, bring heat back to a body… but a half a bottle would potentially render the victim worse than before, senseless and wobbly - unable to help themselves.

It’s the same with fear.

My body knew enough to know that I was in a Groundhog Day of temporary fixes - I didn’t actually feel better when I successfully navigated survival from these strategies. I felt like a fraud (I was! I was far removed from authenticity) and I felt like I was being lied to (I was, be me).

We have conflated being kind, with being nice.

Being honest is being kind, but it doesn’t necessarily feel nice.

Where are the school lessons that teach us how to be in integrity, in the midst of conflict?

Where are the mentors for individualism as an essential essence of contribution to a united community?

Where are the viral tv shows about reparation after rupture? About wholistic accountability? About consequences without punishment?

It’s not as sexy as sensationalism…

Those who choose to walk the path of integrity find out pretty quickly it can be an uncommon and sometimes lonely path.

It’s an initiation to... something bigger.

It starts with one question, the same question all initiates must ponder before being given the key to the magical mystery world box:

Who am I?

A question that requires three things of you:

• sufficient desire to hear the question, and be curious about the answer

• sufficient safety for this curiosity, and to have the cognitive and somatic capacity to contemplate

• sufficient loving self-devotion to bring your body with you, in partnership

Your desire is yours alone, though I hope to spark it.

If you have the privilege of being sufficiently safe in your environment, I can provide you with concrete, effective tools to develop unwavering safety within your body.

A level of safety that seeds an honest devotion to self, which roots a profound relationship with self. A relationship grown and tended and embedded with such safety that you always feel safe enough to say and be exactly who you are with you.

From there it becomes less about how authentic you will be at what cost, and more about being always authentic, but not everyone has access to all of you.

Can you feel that shift?

Always me, but not always available - no-one is entitled to you, your time or your energy. It’s a gift and you get to choose where you give it.

Always honest, but not always offering my honesty - understanding when it is important to you to get in the game, how to stay in integrity when the game you’re playing is rigged, and how to know when it’s not beneficial to play (and how to leave, intact)

Always honouring who I am, and honouring others - if you are not included in your service to the world, it is neither sustainable, nor truly a gift of service - how often do you do things for others even though you have nothing left in the tank? How does THAT feel? Right.

Caring for you is not selfish.

So I ask again:

Who are you, when you feel safe to Be?

That’s who the world needs to be in relation with.

That’s who I want to meet.

PS if you have the desire to find out who you are, and learn to live the life you’re meant to, the Instant Access Sovereign Safety Masterclass may be for you find out more here.