Weekly RyView 003

SUNDAY

A good bounce back day after the competition yesterday.

I took a nice slow morning, got a coffee, bought new headphones (does anyone know what corded headphones shit out so fast??), tried a new Mexican place and headed to the library.

I have my usual spots that I’m comfortable at, but I’ve really been trying to find some new places that I love. I was going to stop for tacos at this place I’ve seen in the city a few times, but it ended up being closed for a private event. Ironically, it’s beside my favorite coffee roaster in the city and I had never put that together. I only had 40 minutes before one down the street closed, so I booked it through the tourists to the next taco shop.

I usually start with english at a sit-down restaurant just to save everyone the time, but the waiter only spoke French and Spanish, so he had to suffer through my French - unlucky bastard. They only had a set brunch menu. You could get a coffee, tea - the usuals, but they had a Cafe de Olla. I asked what it was - a coffee with sweetener and cinnamon, so I got it. Divine! It was a big cup (for France), strong and with an astronomical amount of sweetener. If I wasn’t afraid of shitting my pants, it would be the perfect pre-marathon buzz.

It came with a yogurt cup, smoothie, cornbread muffin (beyond), and I ordered the Chilaquiles. It was exceptional.

I had a chill night at home after the library. My friend Kayla called me and we talked on the phone for two and a half hours - classic. When she was on Mat leave, we would randomly just call and shoot the shit for hours. Ever since she’s gone back to work, I always say that I miss our “stay at home mom chats”.

There has been a lot of chatter about emotional affairs in different parts of my life (not with my direct participation, FYI). I don’t know what everyone else would consider an emotional affair, but the amount I talk with and the things my girlfriends and I share with each other, I’m like… ok there is truly zero sexual pieces to this relationship, but are we having an emotional affair?? lol.

MONDAY

When it’s school holidays, we typically get the first week off of training and then have a training camp the second week - so it’s a week off! We love to see it.

I’m always blown away by how much time off students have here - two weeks in the fall, at Christmas, in February, in April and then a regular summer vacation. There is something to be said for treating students and staff well!

Today was mostly spent catching up - on a little sleep, on work, on housework. Nothing too wild or unusual.

TUESDAY

I had a little business opportunity fall my way today and it’s sent me into a sort of tailspin! I’ve done work with my parents for the past three years and as things have shifted, I have taken on different roles and I really do enjoy the stability of being part of a “normal business” lol. I was pitched an idea today that would kind of shift all of this again. While exciting, I don’t feel like I trust myself enough to know if my intentions are ever right.

The one thing I have found funny over the past couple years, is that my intuition is usually right - whether that reaps positive outcomes or not. When I’ve come home for visa stuff, I’ve almost always had the intuition of whether it was going to go well or quickly. Last spring when I came home, I had just finished qualifying for Nationals in France and I just had this feeling this visa was going to take a while - it did, and I had pre-emptively gotten things in order should it happen that way. When I was coming back to France after last summer, I told my cousin that I just had this feeling I would be back in the fall, but I didn’t have a plan for it. In code, the only reason I would come home would likely be if someone was sick or died. Well, my dog died in December - not prompting a trip home, but nonetheless, I could feel something was coming.

As I start to plan for the summer and fall, I have just had this intuition that I needed to do something specific. I deep down know it’s the right thing, but it’s been a hard decision to make. But as time goes, there have been more and more signs that this is right move right now, and this week was the biggest one.

I just couldn’t help but laugh - I know what my mind and body are telling me, I am listening to it, but I also spend 23 of 24 hours a day doubting it.

WEDNESDAY

Adventure day! I went to a friends house to have snacks and watch movies - mainly because the second Devil Wears Prada comes out next weekend. It still holds up! The absolute comedy of Anne Hathaway being this tragic, ugly person and how often they reference her being “fat” is insane. Nonetheless, a classic. I then convinced my friend to watch another 00’s classic - Taxi, with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon. A perfect comfort movie and afternoon.

THURSDAY

Since I have lived in my apartment, I have not been able to figure out the laundry in the basement and I have spent too much time and money trying, so I’ve always gone to the same laundromat. Every single week, I schlep my ass there, sometimes I grab some groceries while I wait, but I almost always just sit inside and wait.

I’ve passed this boulangerie not even a block before the laundromat every. single. week. and have never gone. I saw people from the laundromat last week drop their laundry off, walk the block and sit down for a coffee at the boulangerie and I had literally never even thought of it.

Today was that day! Dropped off my clothes, got an espresso and a sliver of almond cake and fired off the calls from their patio. It’s little things like this that still blow my mind in a pedestrian-based city. If I were do my laundry a laundromat in Canada, I wouldn’t drive somewhere else - it would take too long, and beyond a McDonalds or maybe a schwarma place, there aren’t usually pedestrian-type places in the strip mall that hosts laundromats.

I was sitting outside enjoying my cake (also this boulangerie had a bunch of “modern” treats like cookies and different cakes that you wouldn’t normally find here - so double bad on me for never stopping), I called my mom, enjoyed our 20 degree weather and people watched, wondering why I hadn’t done this once since moving here.

FRIDAY

One thing I’ve really noticed with my Somatic Experiencing delving is that there is a level of excitement that is dysregulated. My therapist introduced me to the concept of Window of Tolerance forever ago - the idea that we all different windows, and you’re disregulated once you’ve left that window - depressed, sad, down if you are below the window, and manic, panicky, anxious if you are above it.

I always told her that I loved the beginning stages of being up-regulated - the excitement before the panic and doom set in. I always figured that happy, regulated people were just always excited and how could being excited be a bad thing?

The more I find my life levelling out like a normal person, I realize that when I was excited, I just let everything go. I wanted it to be a huge, exhilarating experience!

Now, I can recognize how much that has contributed to the up and down cycle. Even when things are good or exciting, there is a level where it becomes too much - too big, too dysregulated, too exciting, but I never wanted to come down from it.

That’s what I’ve been working on this week - is tritrating or pendulating excitement and hope without losing my everloving mind. It’s been a much more fulfilling experience without the manic hangover. Would recommend!

SATURDAY

I would consider myself to be a relatively responsible adult. Cut to this morning, our first day of training camp at 10am, and me missing my alarm and waking up at 1030am. There is, of course, the moment of panic, but it does quickly subside when you know there is zero chance of you making it.

I ended up meeting a friend for a drink in the city for a catch up and that was great. It’s nice to have friends from different walks of life, and for them to understand different parts of my life.

The city was insanely busy. I’ve noticed the amount of tourists skyrocket in the last couple of weeks which feels earlier than it has every other year. The weather has been quite good, so maybe that has something to do with it. But we walked around for almost an hour just trying to find a place that had an open patio table at 16h, no less.

The city is gorgeous when the weather is nice though. Could do without the tourists.

SUNDAY

I met my friends for a walk and picnic through the Chateau in Plaisir… a ways out of the city.

My friend and I go for coffee almost every week at the same coffee shop in Versailles, Green Story, and we’ve made friendly with the barista there. She lives in Plaisir, while we have only ever been out there to go to Primark. She said there was a nice castle with a forest and nice grounds, so we took advantage of the nice weather.

Again, it was a ways out of the city and it was quiet - so points for that. As we walked through the grounds, we could tell they weren’t immaculately maintained. There were horses on the ground, so you did have to dodge the literal horseshit a few times.

I did have this moment of realization though that our standard is Versailles… the most beautiful, well-kept chateau and grounds possibly in the world..? So without that pretentious lens, it was great.

We sat by a little waterway and there were very few people during the afternoon. I taught my friends to play crib (without a crib board - that’s a task for this week) so we played a couple rounds. I was floored that I could remember the rules and how well I could count. I guess it’s different when my mom isn’t there to save my ass and I have to step up??

Monday is back to training!

TTYS,

RS