National Single Parent’s Day

I do enjoy a National day and today it’s National Single Parent day! So, I thought I’d write a little blog about single parenting.

* I’m going to preface this with the fact I think my children are the best kids in the entire world and I’m so so proud of them.

Not so long ago we gave up on Saturday morning swimming lessons. It’s hard to say what was the final straw to make us quit. Perhaps the fact Joel sobbed every week because he didn’t want to go, or maybe that Freddie hadn’t moved away from the beginner class in over a year and spent his entire time chatting to the teacher and persuading her to drag him across the pool while he happily relaxed on his back. (He maintains that he is an excellent swimmer, that is, as long as he can touch the bottom.) Perhaps it was the sweaty viewing gallery or maybe it was the fight about who got which towel. I’m not sure, but it felt like I was paying for weekly torture and although Freddie would still drown if he were in any water unaided, our Saturday mornings have been altogether more relaxing.

The boys now understand not to wake me up on a Saturday morning. They happily accept the deal that they get to do whatever they want, while I have a brief lie in.

Mostly, they just watch the TV but I’ve had to accept that some weeks it gets creative and they make a spectacular mess. Imitations of Shops, W5 and Disney Land are just a few of the recent creations. They mainly seem to involve using a lot string and sellotape.

Anyway, last Saturday I came down to one of the most frequently played games (a recreation of school assembly.) The projector was playing a song, Joel was writing down the list of potential star pupils and Freddie was fixing wires which were spread all across the floor while also pretending to lead the singing.

I met them cheerily, ignored their mess and walked through to the kitchen. With the sun streaming through I noticed how dirty the windows were and I decided to take 20 minutes to clean them all. After that, I hung up some washing and put on another load. By this point there were hungry cries from the boys, so I cleared up the half eaten box of ritz crackers that Freddie had clearly begun at as his pre-breakfast snack and I decided I would be extra enthusiastic and make them pancakes for breakfast. The boys were very excited and gobbled them up happily. Yes, this is a perfect kind of Saturday.

I then asked Freddie to please clear his plate over to beside the sink. His reply was:

‘Awwww mummy!! Come on! Why are you ruining my Saturday?!!’

It’s fair to say I was somewhat irritated by his response so I said instead they would both help unload the dishwasher.

Joel who clearly didn’t read the room said ‘I really think that asking us to help you clear the dishwasher when we’re only 5 and 8 is a bit unreasonable.’

At this point, I briefly lost my cool and then I sat them both down and asked them did they know what the fifth commandment was in the Bible. They didn’t. I explained how they are meant to honour their parents and be respectful. I told them they need to be more grateful for all they have and appreciate how lucky they are. I explained that they need to help me because I’m on my own. I gave a 5 minute heart felt speech…

I don’t know what I expected. Maybe that they would jump up full of enthusiasm to clear the mess they’d made, perhaps they’d thank me for all I do, agree that they were so lucky.

Instead Joel said ‘ok mummy, I don’t mean to be rude, but can we go now?’

With a sigh, I agreed and they ran off decidedly unfazed by my chat. I debated whether I’d handled it right. Was that too much, or not enough? I hate myself a little bit for lecturing them. But also, are they going to grow up to be respectful, kind, helpful members of society? Are they going to get married one day and expect they don’t have to do anything to help in the house? Will it be my fault if they don’t make nice husbands?

Being a single parent is really hard. Every decision rests with me and I always worry I’m their one and only shot. Some days I know I’ve got it right, but there are more days I really don’t know what is right. I hate the fact they don’t get to have a dad. But I’m so grateful I get to enjoy them so fully.

I’m lucky to have lots of family support. Single parents with no support are just another level of impressive in my opinion.

I didn’t know how to end this blog, so I typed into google ‘quotes about single parenting.’ My favourite one is this:

‘Being a single mother is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the stress but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.’

It’s so cheesy, but also perfectly accurate. I love my children more than anything in the world and I get to experience all the joy they bring.

Thinking of all other single parents trying their very best!

Over and out,

Ruth

P.S. The last few days the boys have helped clear the dishwasher with *slightly* fewer complaints!