Write Anyway: When Fear Tells You to Stay Silent

Last week I shared three reasons we hide our stories: fear, shame, and comparison. The comments reminded me I’m not the only one wrestling with these emotions.

As I reflected on my own journey, I realized each of those obstacles deserves its own conversation. Over the next few weeks, I’d like to explore them one at a time, not as theories, but through the lessons God has been teaching me as a writer.

We recently talked about life with my twins. Today I want to share another part of that story: how God continues to lead me from fear toward courage.

I am a morning person. One of those annoying people who is wide awake before 6 a.m., with no need for coffee or any other stimulant.

This morning, when I pried my eyes open, it was nearing 7 a.m., and I had no desire to get out of bed. I groaned as I rolled over and flipped the blankets back.

I turned my light off around 10:30 pm last night. Usually, I fall asleep within minutes. Last night I tossed and turned, listening to the bumps and bangs from the room below me. The next time I looked at the clock, it was 12:30 a.m. One of my twins was wide awake, sorting through things, and literally throwing them to different sections of his room.

I fell into a restless sleep, only to be awakened around 2:30 by booming thunder, pounding rain, and hail crashing outside. (I didn’t get up to check, but saw this photo of the golf-ball-sized hail on Facebook.)

Just as I drifted off to sleep again, my son decided it was time to have a shower. (The bathroom is beside my bedroom.)

As I was falling asleep, I heard the sound of a Lego box being dumped…in the room that used to be my son’s bedroom. He asked to move downstairs, which I thought would reduce the amount of noise at night. Note to self: move the Lego and lock the door!

Around the time I usually bounce out of bed, my son walked into my room carrying Lucky, our cat. Lucky meowed, landed on the foot of my bed, and settled in. My son left. I rolled over for one more hour of sleep until my bladder finally informed me the night was officially over.

Often I am tempted to hide stories like this. I try to focus on the positives in my life, write in my gratitude journal, and smile at life.

I fear people will misunderstand.

Or feel sorry for me.

Or assume I'm complaining.

Sometimes I worry they'll question the decisions I've made as a parent. Other times I don't want anyone to think I'm looking for sympathy.

I’m no hero. I’m the parent of adult children with disabilities, which means I make parenting choices some criticize. Many people choose to place their adult children with disabilities in group homes. I've chosen family-managed supports, which means my adult children continue living at home while I coordinate the services and supports they need.

For most of my life, I have been a people-pleaser. A few years ago, God convicted me of being more concerned about people’s opinions of me than I am about obeying Him. I realized that hiding difficult parts of my life isn’t humility. Often it is another form of fearing people’s opinions.

I wanted people to think well of me more than I wanted to tell the truth about what God was teaching me. I’m getting better at putting God first. I continue to ask God to help me glorify Him above everything and everyone else.

As I thought about why I almost kept this story to myself, God brought one particular verse to mind:

When I first understood Proverbs 29:25, it challenged me far more than I expected:

I saw myself as helping others; God saw me as disobedient.

I saw myself as good; God lovingly convicted me of sin.

I saw myself as being kind; God saw me as trapped.

I had planned to write this post this morning. Instead, I found myself simply trying to stay awake. Some seasons don't look very productive, but God is still writing His story in us. Ironically, the story that delayed my writing became the story I needed to write.

I'm sharing this because I don't want to give the impression that faithful writing happens in ideal circumstances. It doesn't. Besides being a writer, I also work full time, assist people with self-publishing, and have three of my adult children (who have disabilities) living with me.

If I only share the good things, if you only see me smiling, if my life always looks easy, I’m not being truthful.

Most of us are not writing full-time. Those who are full-time writers still have other personal and family responsibilities. Sometimes those other things get in the way of writing.

Courage isn’t pretending life is easy.

Courage is telling the truth about where God meets us in the middle of ordinary, exhausting days.

That’s the kind of story I want to write. And it’s the kind of story I hope encourages others to tell theirs.

If you've ever wondered whether your life is too messy, too ordinary, or too exhausting to write about, you're not alone. What are you tempted to hide? Let’s talk about it. Please share in the comments.

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Fear is only one reason we hide our stories. Next week, I will explore another obstacle that's kept me silent for far too long.

If this week’s post resonated with you, I’d love to continue the conversation.

If you've been reading quietly for a while because you're wondering whether your own story is worth telling, I hope this series reminds you that it is. You don't have to figure it out alone.

Learning to share our stories takes courage, discernment, and support. We all need safe places to wrestle with our words before releasing them into the world.

That’s one reason I created the paid community around Ruth’s Story Bytes. If God has been nudging you to share your story but you’re not sure where to begin, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

And when you're ready to move from manuscript to published book, I'm here to help through RLS Creativity Publishing.

Keep taking one simple step at a time. Every story matters, and I’m grateful we’re walking this writing journey together.

Until our next Story Byte,

Ruth