Who Am I Keeping the Peace For?

At What Point Do You Just Say Fuck It?

I actually have to kill the vibe.

Because when does staying quiet become its own kind of self punishment?

I’ve been contemplating this as I hold myself back from letting my anger win. I hold back from overreacting a lot. But are there moments in life when you just have to say, fuck it, and let the rage take over?

Or is there something to be said for just letting it be?

Overreact.

That’s what my brain keeps telling me right now. Because isn’t it better to speak than to die knowing you never let it out?

I don’t even care anymore.

What am I really risking? Fucking up a good thing that was never good in the first place?

Does it even matter?

I don’t care about upholding the vibe anymore. I’d rather burn it to the ground if it doesn’t feel right. The only thing I’m struggling with is the reaction. Or the lack of one.

Would it hurt more if there was no response? No closure on the other side?

And does that even matter?

I’m really writing this to myself as I delete and rewrite all the things I’ve been thinking about for the last couple of weeks.

No. I don’t think it’s always necessary to speak up.

But I also don’t think holding everything in is the same thing as being emotionally mature.

Sometimes we call it not overreacting when really we’re just swallowing the reaction because we’re afraid of what happens if we let someone see how angry we actually are. And sometimes rage isn’t asking to destroy something. Sometimes it’s just asking to be acknowledged.

Is it better to speak or to die?