While writing this article I reflected back on a range of spaces I’ve spent time in that have made me feel like my nervous system was finally regulated; from intentionally designed restaurants and cafes, to favorite homes and houses, and calming outdoor spaces. While all different in function and purpose, they all evoke a certain feeling that made me feel like I didn’t want to leave. Here’s what I found that they had in common:
The most interesting art is art that has been collected or created over many years, somehow it not only all works together, but it makes each piece even more interesting. This is art that tells a story. It might tell a personal story, evoke an emotion, or simply be a beautiful collection of brush strokes. Not everyone will come away with the same understanding or emotion inflicted by the art, it might not be your taste or your favorite style of art, but it works with the home and is meaningful to the dweller of that space.
This holds two meanings. The first being that you do not feel rushed to get out of the space. For example, there are chairs for you to rest in, there are books or magazines laid out for you to peruse, you feel like you’re allowed to unwind a bit. The second meaning of “not rushed,” being that the home and decor itself was not put together in a rushed manner.
There are beautiful spaces that come together very quickly, it can most definitely be done, but I find that the spaces that feel the most welcoming are spaces that have taken people time and thought to put together. They didn’t go into just one big box store, buy everything they need, and call it a day. They’ve collected things through the years from favorite boutiques, travels, family hand-me-downs, and maybe a few garage sales that overtime have defined their style and also created a unique space that is a reflection of who they are. The space will help you get to know this person even more and if you already know this person really well, you will feel instantly welcomed in their space as if it is an extension of themself.
Whether it’s around a dining table, on a patio outside, in a living room, a reading nook, or gathering around for a movie, a pleasant place to rest and gather comfortably is key to creating a place where people feel at ease.
When you’re at a restaurant and you get stuck in the noisy dark corner (an experience I recently had with a friend) finishing your meal almost feels like a chore, it can become rushed and unfocused, when you should be relaxed and enjoying the food you’re paying good money for. Versus when you get sat next to the window somehow the food tastes better, the conversations are richer, and the tip is probably going to be higher too.
But let’s go back to the dark corner for a moment and remove the overhead lighting, add calming sconces, and maybe put a few tea light candles on the table. Suddenly the mood and the ambiance is improved. You might still prefer the window spot, but this feels better than before. This philosophy extends to the home as well. Warm lightbulbs, table and floor lamps, sconces, candles, and even the occasional chandelier can really change the whole feeling of a space.
Whether it’s an herb box on the kitchen counter, a potted geranium on a windowsill, or a vase filled with a beautiful bouquet (either extravagant or simple stems from the garden) homes that feel like you never want to leave them all show signs of life beyond the human form. There’s something grounding about having live plants or cut flowers in the home, it almost reminds us that the world is bigger than what we see right in front of our eyes and that there is so much beauty in the simple things that we often take for granted.
Beyond the fact that they typically look better, 100% cotton, linen, silk, and other natural materials, can bring an energetic calm to your space. Most of us have heard that wearing these materials are better for your body, and living with them in your space is also extremely beneficial. Nowadays it’s a bit harder to find upholstered furniture without synthetic materials, however you can still add them in if you can’t remove them. A cotton vintage quilt thrown over a potentially polyester chair can instantly change the feeling that it holds. Handmade linen throw pillows filled with natural materials can make a couch feel much more luxurious and cozy at the same time. A natural wood coffee table instead of something made from laminate or vinyl faux wood can immediately make the space feel more like a home.
This one might ruffle some feathers and you’re welcome to disagree, but it’s what I find to be true for me and the spaces that I feel most relaxed in. Tech in the home used to be limited to a computer room. A room where the computer lived that you had to intentionally walk into and boot up to engage with it. Now, it’s at our fingertips and follows us all around the house. Beyond that, it’s integrated into security systems, home theaters, surround sound, and smart robots. Is it cool? Sure, it can be. But digital clutter is a very real thing.
I’m not talking about physical clutter (although that’s huge too, tech items are getting smaller and sleeker every day, but they don’t always fit in with every style of home and can end up looking really out of place). The digital clutter I’m talking about, without getting too “woo-woo aluminum hat on to block out the wifi,” is the constant online connection that prevents us from that feeling of “logging off.”
You’re not going to take the time to power down Alexa, your Ring doorbell, your WiFi, your phone, your laptop, your iPad, your smart tv, your wearable tech, and your Bluetooth speaker every night before bed (and then turn them all on again the next morning). When you buy these things you’re, for the most part, choosing to have them all going all the time. While they can be helpful and cool, too much of a good thing can sometimes turn on us.
The spaces I feel most relaxed in, intentionally or not, do not have the “device buzz” going 24/7. While they’re part of our lives and how our society runs, I do think we still have agency in just how much we let it in. It’s not to say get rid of it all entirely, but maybe you don’t need every new tech release. Be mindful, question if the thing actually fits into the life and home you want to create for yourself. Every item we purchase becomes a new responsibility. Ask yourself if the positives outweigh the digital clutter, physically and mentally.
Here are some ideas on how to get started with a digital declutter:
Instead of having your TV on display all the time, find a TV cabinet that you have to open and close to mindfully choose when to watch your shows. You can also cover it with artwork or a tapestry. Your screen too big for these ideas? Maybe consider downsizing.
Bricking! I’ve never done it, but I’ve heard rave reviews about how it can help reduce the phone addiction.
Create a dedicated spot for your computer and your computer time. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a whole home office, but see if you can at least add a desk to your space.
I’m so guilty of enjoying a scroll while watching a show, but I do find that when I only use one screen at a time (dedicated scroll time or dedicated tv time) I enjoy it so much more. Try it for a week and see if you remember what you’re consuming more than when you’re doubling up, your nervous system will thank you.
Charge your phone outside of your bedroom, or if you use it as an alarm clock then at least not right next to your bed. Find the outlet furthest from your body and create a dedicated spot for your phone.
Physically hide cords and put away items you’re not using into a box, bin, or drawer that’s specifically for your tech items.
Responsibly E-waste or resell items you’re no longer using.
That was potentially a hard pill to swallow, how did this one resonate? Do you feel defensive, inspired, unfazed, personally attacked, superior…?
Collections, pattern, color, textures… No habit stacking, no multi function, no duo purpose, they don’t even have to hold a personal meaning necessarily… just beautiful things in your space for beauty’s sake. If it’s your home, it should be things that YOU find beautiful, not things that you think others will find beautiful nor things that need to make sense to anyone else. These are beautiful things that bring you awe. Not overdone, not stuff for stuff’s sake, but a balance and chosen display of things that you love to see every day.
Functionally beautiful kitchen hardware and appliances, privacy curtains, favorite magnets and cards on a fridge, perfume on a pretty display tray, a thoughtful side table next to a living room chair, accessible coasters, enough hooks in the bathroom, towels for function not just decor, etc.. These details create a sense of ease, interest, and pleasure in a space. And for visitors in your space some of these can create a feeling of belonging and forgo that burdening feeling that often happens when we’re not in our own homes.
Patina on knobs, a chip or crack on a mug, wear and tear on the rug… there are signs of life being lived and a sense ones’ space being unique to their life because of it. You can actually sit on the sofa, you can leave a dish in the sink, it’s ok that you bumped the table, nothing is perfect and therefore you don’t have to be either. Yeah, maybe we should still use coasters, maybe we should still put newspaper down before painting, and yes clean up after yourself after using xy or z. But having a space that allows for the occasion “oops” by either purchasing pre loved items that already have imperfections or by keeping your items for so long that the patina has evolved naturally, that’s part of the charm. We’re quick to replace or buy new, but that’s not always the best or most welcoming option.
I feel it’s important to call out that I do not have all of these nailed down myself, far from it. I share these as tools that hopefully inspire or can help guide you if you’re feeling lost in the process. Reading this through might feel overwhelming and as if it all has to be done at once, but that’s the opposite of my intention. My hope is that more and more people come to understand that homes and beloved spaces are created over time, not in a weekend. These 10 ideas of “what makes you never want to leave a home” are there for when you need them; written out not as a checklist, not as a to do list either, but a dissection of what makes these beloved spaces beloved and how we can implement some of that goodness into our own space.
And if you do want a tangible list of ideas you can implement today, you can check out this article below:
How to make your home feel like your favorite antique shop
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Jul 23
While our homes are not shops, and therefore are going to have a mismatched jumble of useful, collected, and decorative items (whereas shops contain a more streamlined mass of items), we can still be very inspired by these spaces when it comes to adding a bit of character to our homes.
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