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Ron Seems Sentient

Absurd humor and surreal office tales that spiral into the existential.

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ANG INIT! – The Hilarious Yet Relatable Story of Gustavo the Office Worker Battling the Philippine Heat

A Scorching Afternoon in the Philippines A bead of sweat courses through a rough, scar-ridden forehead. The relentless bombardment of ultraviolet rays blankets a quiet street in unbearable heat. Panting dogs search for shade while clotheslines sway gently under the burning sun, displaying shirts, shorts, and towels drying almost instantly. In the distance, echoes of tiny bells ring through the…

War, Firecrackers, and Farewells: A Filipino New Year Short Story

Set during a Filipino New Year street celebration, this short story follows Gustavo—a man caught between fading traditions, family noise, and the quiet certainty of change. Amid fireworks, karaoke, and overflowing plates, he begins to understand what he is about to leave behind. An Empty Harvest “War is an empty harvest. The gods gave mankind intellect and hands meant to build worlds, yet we…

A Filipino Christmas Morning Seen from a Quiet Garage

Spreading Christmas cheer… and secondhand smoke. A bright, sunny Christmas morning in the Philippines awakens a quiet suburban community just south of Manila. A cool breeze brushes through leafy trees, creating soft whistles of nature across the peaceful neighborhood. From outdoor kitchens, the familiar aroma of fried dried fish drifts through the air, stirring curiosity—and hunger—in recovering…

The Last Toll: A Bittersweet World War II Love Story from the Philippines

In a quiet town battered by war and time, Tony stood beneath the noon sun, sweat clinging to his brow. He was only eighteen, yet the world had already demanded more from him than a lifetime should. His mother, reeking of sewage and sacrifice, had raised him to obey, to survive. And he did — in the only ways he knew how. Melinda was his opposite — silk to his rags, perfume to his mother’s stench.…

🦎 When Aliens Discovered Corporate Life: A Galactic Roast

In a world eight billion light-years away from Earth — where gas particles swell to the size of guavas and darkness exists only as an urban legend — a synthetic-leather structure stands firm against a planet that refuses to obey gravity. Fluid at its peak and solid at its base, it hums faintly, like a migraine given architectural form. Beyond its walls, enormous floating mammals drift lazily…

Company Training Day 2025 (Part 3): Pastries, Humanoids, and Gustavo’s Brush with Destiny

Saturday Training Day 2025 wasn’t done with Gustavo yet. After pastries, speeches, and the awkward attempts of management to inject “fun” into corporate learning, the final act of the day pushed the boundaries of reason. Between buffet food comas, Quality Assurance lectures, and what may or may not have been an alien invasion, this part of Gustavo’s journey proved that absurdity can strike even at…

Company Training Day 2025 (Part 2): Pastries, Speeches, and Starfish

If you’re wondering why Gustavo’s at a hotel instead of in bed watching anime, rewind to Part 1—it explains everything (sort of) . Training Day 2025 pressed on. The welcome ceremonies passed in a blur of applause and polite reverence. Jon, flying in from Australia, congratulated the Philippine branch for keeping the Asia-Pacific and North America portfolio in good order. Archie followed, accepting…

Manila Floods and Forgotten Promises: An Absurd Tale of a Vagabond, Watermelon Seeds, and Smiling Politicians

The rains in Manila did not fall — they collapsed, like a billion buckets overturned by a drunken god. Jeepneys bobbed like bathtub toys, tricycles spun like lost tops, and office workers scurried in their pressed clothes, darting into malls where the air-conditioning roared louder than the storm. From the safety of glass walls and fluorescent light, they watched the world blur into gray water,…

Company Training Day 2025 (Part 1): Gustavo’s Saturday of Coffee and Chaos

Saturday mornings are usually sacred for Gustavo — a time when his head rests peacefully on his pillow as anime streams on his phone. But on this particular Saturday, instead of pajamas, he was dressed in office attire, standing in line with colleagues for his company’s much-anticipated Training Day 2025. The venue was no ordinary meeting hall. A lavish hotel function room buzzed with life as…

A Quiet Saturday Morning That Didn’t Last Long

In a quiet suburban neighborhood in Laguna, the sound of birds, children at play, and neighbors at work paints the perfect Saturday morning. But for Gustavo, coffee in hand and cigarette smoke curling in the air, that peace is fragile—easily broken by the sudden buzz of his phone. A quiet Saturday morning unfolds in the neighborhood. Birds are chirping, chickens are clucking, and kids are playing…

The Death of Cornelius: Gustavo’s Sanity, Basketball Fan, and Debt-Ridden Abstract Concept

Cornelius, the fragile embodiment of Gustavo’s sanity, officially expired on August 29, 2025. Known in the neighborhood as both a stabilizing force and a suspiciously well-dressed abstract concept, Cornelius balanced his days with basketball, motorcycle joyrides on his beloved 2023 Honda CB400, and occasional wrestling matches with his loyal pet komodo dragon, Alfred. Once rumored to be a mildly…

Nostalgia in Manila: Gustavo’s Story of Basketball, Gin, and Friendship

Gustavo, now in his 30s and working a corporate job, looks back on his Manila college days filled with basketball, cheap gin, cigarettes, and unforgettable friendships. Once a backdrop to basketball games, cheap gin, and carefree laughter, the College of Fine Arts now lives on in Gustavo’s memories of youth. A hot, unrelenting sun bore down on the cracked pavement of the College of Fine Arts…

Friday at the Office: Corporate Coldness, SLAs, and the Countdown to Freedom

Brightly lit corporate office on a Friday afternoon with employees working at their desks Intro: Friday afternoons in corporate offices often carry a unique mix of pressure, exhaustion, and anticipation. This is the story of Gustavo, his team, and the clock that measures both their work and their freedom. --- The Pressure of SLAs The chatter of voices, the clicking of mice, and the clacking of…

Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase Decides Ukraine-Russia Conflict

Photo from 2019's Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase CELESTIAL ARENA — Tuesday, August 19, 2025 An electrified crowd of angels and demons packed Celestial Arena tonight for the opening of the seven-game Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase. With the winner granted the power to sway the outcome of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, anticipation crackled through every halo and horn. Grand Opening Spectacle…

Gustavo’s 4AM Filipino Morning Routine: Coffee, Cigarettes & Sarcastic Work Chat

Before sunrise, Gustavo fights exhaustion, cigarettes, and the weight of another workday. This story captures the grind of early mornings, corporate dread, and the fleeting humor we use to survive routine. At 4:00 AM, the town still lay beneath its blanket of silence. Gustavo’s alarm erupted—a shrill, unforgiving shriek—yanking him from half-dreams. He groaned, limbs heavy as wet towels, and…

Holy Heist: Juicy Jesuits’ Safety-Pin Bank Robbery & Drunk Koala Getaway

VATICAN CITY (Not Really) — In what authorities are calling “the most sacrilegious stunt since someone tried to baptize a cat,” a rogue band of renegade priests known as Junnie’s Juicy Jesuits executed a bank robbery so bizarre it left law enforcement baffled, theologians speechless, and one koala slightly hungover. 🙏 The Leader: Junnie, the Unholy Heartthrob The group’s charismatic leader,…

When High Hopes Meet Low Bandwidth: Gustavo’s Tuesday Streaming Meltdown

After a draining 9-to-5, there’s nothing sweeter than clocking out and reclaiming your freedom. The Joyful Clock-Out follows Gustavo—your classic overworked office worker—on his chaotic yet hilarious after-work ritual. From dodging supervisors in the elevator to snacking like a king, and finally facing the ultimate anime-night disaster (thanks to a dead Wi-Fi box), this short story captures the…

Alone at Night: A Short Story on Solitude, Memory, and Quiet Reflection

Late at night, Gustavo sits alone in his garage, cigarette in hand, lost in quiet thoughts. This short story explores solitude, memory, and the bittersweet comfort of routine—a glimpse into loneliness that lingers even when the world is silent. Smoke from dying embers remain after Gusravo's quiet reflection Gustavo sinks into the old outdoor chair in his garage, the one that’s slightly crooked but…

Manliness vs. Mason Lid: A Surreal Humorous Poem on Masculinity and Everyday Struggles

Struggling with a stubborn pickle jar has humbled many men, but in this surreal and satirical poem, it becomes an epic battle. “Manliness vs. Mason Lid: A Surreal Humorous Poem on Masculinity and Everyday Struggles” takes a humorous look at masculinity, ego, and the absurdity of everyday struggles. Blending poetic storytelling with absurd comedy, this piece transforms a simple kitchen frustration…

Diary of a Damp Towel: A Sentient Rag’s Sweaty Revenge in the Philippine Heat

The unrelenting Philippine sun punishes a man and hit towel 🌞 Chapter 1: The Moist Awakening Dampthony had once been a proud towel. Fresh off the shelf at SM Department Store, he dreamed of spa days, gentle dabs, and maybe a cameo in a TikTok skincare routine. But fate had other plans. Sir Chonkulus, a man whose pores wept like broken faucets, had claimed Dampthony as his personal sweat sponge.…

Fried Chicken and Existential Crumbs: One Man’s Lunch Break Meltdown at Lawson

Gustavo had conquered his morning workload like a caffeinated warrior—half a shift’s worth of spreadsheets slain before noon. But victory came with a greasy price. His go-to lunch savior, Gaspar the home-cooked meal hustler, had ghosted the office. No adobo. No sinigang. Just silence and hunger. So Gustavo descended the corporate tower like a man condemned, muttering curses at the culinary void.…

Micromanaged and Alone: One Man’s Drive Through Office Life and Traffic

Corporate pressure, endless Manila traffic, and the weight of solitude—Micromanaged and Alone follows Gustavo’s weary drive home after another draining day at the office. This short story captures the frustrations of modern work life, the longing for freedom, and the quiet ache of loneliness in a city that never slows down. Lonsome view from the driver seat of Gustavo's daily commute after work…

Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines

A crazed World War II guerilla fighter unboxes his new pistol Chapter 1: I Was Born in a Box, Not a Battlefield They called me Lola Bertha. Not because I was old, but because I had the temper of a grandmother who just found out her favorite soap opera was canceled. I was forged in a dusty American factory, shipped to Manila, and promptly forgotten in a crate labeled “Miscellaneous Freedom.” That…