It is 1:30 in the morning, and I am again in rapid, irregular heartbeat of atrial fibrillation. Yesterday, I experienced anxiety over my new hearing decline and the prospects of taking a steroid medication. As I approach my 82nd birthday at the end of the month, I find that I am increasingly contemplating old age, sickness and death. This is the way life is. It is not a mistake.
Life is a mystery, vast and deep. We are born in mystery. We live in mystery. And we die in mystery. Yet, we are free to decide our relationship to that mystery. We can rebel and say it is all a tragic mistake. Or we can embrace it and live it as good and perfect. We can accept this mysterious life in gratitude and offer our love to all beings and to the living Earth of which we are part.
I am now back in regular sinus rhythm and going back to bed. Will continue to write when I wake up. Whatever happens, I am grateful for this life and love it very much.
It is now later in the morning.
I have recently learned that an old friend is hospitalized with ALS. She sent me her photo showing a breathing tube inserted in her neck. I had sent her a photo of a woman who was over 100 performing a traditional dance. My American friend has lived much of her life in Asia. She and my wife, who died of cancer 23 years ago this month, were very good friends.
Old age, sickness and death are as natural as sunlight, water, air and soil. Everything and everyone is impermanent and constantly changing. Everything and everyone is interconnected with everything and everyone. Everything and everyone is a wave of the cosmic ocean that rises for a moment and returns to oneness as the ocean.
My partial hearing loss, eye floaters, feet neuropathy, imbalance, atrial fibrillation, tiredness and anxiety are as natural as the clouds in the sky. I have hearing aids, am seeing the ENT docs next week, am taking 12 days of steroids, going to the gym, taking my heart medications, resting, and more. I must confess that sometimes I am impatient, even angry about my conditions. But then I breathe in and out in mindfulness, and accept the real as the good.
I am grateful for over eighty years of adventures of loving people and planet and being loved by them. I am deeply grateful for my physical, social and spiritual ancestors, grandparents, parents, brother, spouses, children, grandchildren and friends.
I am so deeply grateful to live each day with BMT my wise loving wife, to be frequently with our fascinating children and grandchildren, to say hello to our kind neighbors, and to hear from friends in the US and around the world. I am missing old friends and mentors who have passed during the last eleven months, including Jean Houston, Shabbir Cheema and Larry Ward.
I am grateful to be able to write and publish, to vote and help get out the vote in this life and death midterm election, to speak in Zoom meetings, and more. I trust that my years of actions and speaking, and my books, online essays, videos and podcasts will continue to care for people and planet long after I am no longer present as this human animal.
We can each do what we can personally and socially to mitigate and adapt to climate and democracy disasters, and to strengthen ecological regeneration, participatory governance, social justice, AI regulations and peace and nonviolence. We can embody and catalyze a compassionate community, country and civilization, moment by moment.
The US and other countries can be more like the Nordic countries which provide universal, tax-funded welfare programs designed to guarantee comprehensive, cradle-to-grave support. These systems - encompassing Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Norway, and Sweden - prioritize public services over cash benefits, ensuring dignified care for old age, sickness and death through integrated social and healthcare systems.
How about you? How are you dealing with old age, sickness and death? What are you learning about the way life is and how best to be who and what you are? How are you caring for self and others, for people and planet?
Will BMT and I continue to age in place or move to a senior community, and if so, which one, when, and where? There are so many factors to consider including finances, health care, proximity to family, walkability, food, lakes and trees, renewable energy, and on and on.
In a hundred years, will it matter what we do and say today? In a thousand years? In a million? In a billion? In the ultimate mystery of all that is, it will matter supremely.
Am I being my being? Am I helping relieve the suffering of all beings? Am I giving my all to all, now and forever? Am I peaceful and happy? Am I helping others be happy and peaceful? Do I have my affairs in order for my death?
In mystery, love and gratitude. Rising and falling forever. Yes and yes and yes.
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