“Did you see this about the guy in your Friday Forward?”
A friend texted me that last Friday afternoon. That morning, I had published a post about Jason Arday, the Cambridge professor whose extraordinary biography and academic record had suddenly unraveled. I clicked on the link my friend sent with a bad feeling about what I was about to see.
Hours after I had sent my note, Arday was found dead in south London. He was 41.
You might assume my reaction was some sort of vindication. In fact, I felt the opposite: shocked and saddened. Whatever he may have done, his death is still a tragedy.
While I stand by what I wrote, my argument was more critical of Cambridge and the institutions that enabled Arday than of the man himself. He’s human and we all make mistakes. He wasn’t violent or dangerous, and no one accused him of causing serious or irreparable harm.
But as I looked around online, I saw many predictable, tasteless comments. A common theme of this bile was the assertion that Arday’s death was his own fault, that he had backed himself into this corner, and similar sentiments. Some of it may have been true, but none of it needed to be said.
Over the last few years, it’s become more culturally acceptable, especially online, and particularly among younger people, to celebrate the death or suffering of strangers. This occurred when UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson was murdered on a Manhattan sidewalk, and when Charlie Kirk was assassinated, leaving behind a widow and two children. Celebrating the deaths of people we disagree with, or who lived life in a way we disapprove of, is becoming more normal than it ever should be.
In certain cases, I can understand feeling vindicated by others’ misfortune. If someone has harmed you or someone you love, there’s an instinct to want that person to face consequences. In those most egregious situations, I can even imagine finding satisfaction in seeing the perpetrator suffer in some way. That’s not my place to judge.
Plus, I have felt this type of vindication myself. When someone’s lies finally catch up to them, or when someone who was rude to me falls into bad luck, I have felt some satisfaction. We all want to be right and to see the score settled at times. We’re only human.
But on the other hand, I have also read stories of parents who chose to forgive the person who murdered their child. Not for the killer’s benefit, but for their own. Carrying hate around and wishing for others to suffer hurts you far more than it harms anyone else.
And it really becomes a slippery slope when the person is not someone you know well. We have ventured far beyond wishing harm on the people who have wronged us to celebrating misfortune that strikes people we disagree with, or even individuals whose ideas we find harmful.
Wishing harm upon others is poisonous to our souls, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.
Having interacted with many readers of this newsletter over the years, I can’t imagine many of you enjoy other people’s suffering. But there are a lot of leaders on this list who play important roles, both at work and especially at home. We can’t allow this poisonous behavior to become normalized. As leaders, we all have a responsibility to call this out and shut it down. Otherwise, the unacceptable becomes normal before we even notice.
Arday’s family said the accusations against him were, “too much for Jason, who was a gentle man.” I have no way of knowing what was true about him at the end of the day, and neither do most of the people ruminating on his death.
What I do know is that while I still believe Arday and Cambridge deserved accountability, what happened to Arday is a tragedy, especially for his family. Wanting a wrong made right and enjoying someone else’s misery are two entirely different things.
Quote of the Week
“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Author Unknown
Have a great weekend,
-Bob
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