How to Diss a Democrat

I have read news reports that He Who Must Not Be Named is trying to decide on a proper word to insult Democrats and suggest that they are “dumb” or Dummies.”

The leading candidates are: “Dumbocrat” and “Dumocrat.”

Here are a couple of recent quotations from HWMNBN:

“A new name I came up with yesterday was a ‘Dumbocrat’... I think that could be a good one. You know, I’ve come up with some extraordinary names.” [indy100.com]

And in a later explanation:

“Dumocrats. Because they’re dumb. They’re dumb. It’s D-U-M. I got rid of the B. So you’re only changing one letter, right?” [msn.com]

I must address HWMNBN directly on this matter.

First off, how can you possibly consider Dumbocrat? You of all people should understand the importance of intellectual property rights? You, leader of the Great Renaming Movement (peace institutes, cultural centers, airports, train stations, and coming soon, entire cities and states (HWMNPN-adelphia; South HWMNBN-olina (or -kota)).

I’ve got one word of warning for you, sir. Disney.

Do you seriously believe that the Disney Corp is going to let Dumbo get involved in politics? Seriously?

Here are the problems. First off, Dumbo is cute. How are you going to get people to hate Democrats if you give them a cute mascot. You say “Dumbocrat” and people say “awwwwww.”

There’s another problem. Dumbo can fly. Dumbo can rise above all the petty insults of daily political life.

And most important, Dumbo is a valuable piece of intellectual property. Disney will roll out IP canon law and blast away at such nonsense.

No. No. No. No way you can go with Dumbo-crats.

Meanwhile, the other candidate, Dumocrat, is weak. It’s unworthy of your gift for nicknames. It doesn’t snap. No bite. If you’re reading it in print, you might not even spot the one letter difference – it might as not be an insult at all.

There are more problems.

What if “dumo” gets mixed with “duma” – the Russian legislative body? What happens if you start flinging Duma insults at Democrats and one accidentally slaps your pal, Vladimir, upside the head?

It won’t land as a hammer blow, sure, but he won’t be happy. He’s not likely to reveal whatever information he is using to keep you in line (A video? Bank records? Empty tanning cream tubes?) but he’s gonna get cranky.

Bottom line: It would be risky. You do NOT want to do anything to get on Mad Vlad’s bad side, do you?

There is one and only one word that will do: Dummycrat.

Think of the advantages – a great, infantile insult – “dummy” splattered all over the “crat” party.

Say it out loud a few times.

“Dummycrat.”

“Dummycrat.”

“Dummycrat.”

Hear how it rolls off your tongue.

“That’s it!” I can hear you shouting it out with joy.

Dummycrat!

An insult you can count on.”

Anon.

R

p.s. You’re welcome.