THE BODY PAYS THE TOLL

I was at a rehearsal today for a jazz dance I will be performing later this year. The day prior, I took a jazz class; tomorrow, I will be dancing lyrical. This dancing is bookended by walking and stretching. I used to run instead of walk, but my body is starting to pay the toll. What I mean by that is my body requires a lot more maintenance now, and like bridges and highways, a toll is due to keep it running.

To be an elite athlete/professional dancer, one practices and perfects their craft for hours on a daily basis. This discipline starts at a very young age, and as children, you spend more time at the dance studio/on the field than at home.

I was a serious dancer from age five to 22. That is 17 years of strain on a growing skeletal system. Even after I stopped dancing professionally, I continued to take class, and at 61, it pains me to admit that my body is telling me to call it quits, but I don’t want to.

This is a real dilemma that I am trying to navigate my way through. As my use of ibuprofen increases and my stamina decreases, I can’t imagine my life without dancing. I am also realistic and understand that by continuing at my current pace, I may be doing more long-term damage to my body. So, when do you know when it is time to call it quits? When does the toll become too expensive?

As dancers/athletes we are used to plowing through pain. We have performed on broken toes and with ankle sprains. Snapping hip syndrome and tendonitis doesn’t stop us. We just ice, heat, elevate, and wrap the injured part. When you are younger, these remedies may be sufficient, but as you age, it isn’t that simple. Also, because we never addressed the underlying cause while we iced and elevated, chances are we only made things worse. We delayed the inevitable long enough to have a career, but now it is time to pay the toll.

Like taxes, the toll is unavoidable. I am just not ready to exit the bridge. So, as I contemplate how to manage the highway, there are a few things I need to face; these realities are true for all of us:

- You can’t keep up at the same pace you did a decade ago

- It’s okay to take a day off

- Recovery time takes longer

- Accommodation is key, you need to adjust certain practices

- You will never perform like you used to

- Don’t compare yourself to others

I honestly don’t know when I will call it quits, but I know it’s not now. Instead, I am modifying my physical exercise in the hopes of prolonging my abilities. As I previously mentioned, instead of running, I am walking. I am also performing less. I used to dance three pieces in our annual show; this year, I am only dancing two. If I need to catch my breath or relax a muscle, I don’t dance full out and sometimes I stand to the side and simply watch. If I wake up and my body isn’t cooperating, I will skip class that day.

I am learning to prioritize longevity over perfection, which is a very different mindset that I haven’t yet mastered. Also, when I am inundated on social media with stories of people in their 80s still running marathons, weightlifting, and with a leg extension that goes up to their ear, I have to accept that everyone is different. You cannot compare your skills to others, which in an industry where competition is the name of the game, is very difficult to give into.

I don’t know when I will know to call it quits. There is no “one size fits all” answer and I do not have a crystal ball to tell me how much longer my body will allow me to pursue my passion. I try not to think about it.

But, when I do think about it, my goal is to dance until my time on earth is through. I know that probably isn’t realistic. My body is starting to tell me to go easy; my desire, however, tells me to keep going. It’s up to me to find a happy medium in order to delay the inevitable toll; I just need to figure out what that looks like.