The Root of Safety

Most of us spend our lives trimming branches. We want to become more patient. Less anxious. Less controlling.

Better communicators.
Better leaders.
Better spouses.
Better parents.

So we work harder. Read another book. Listen to another podcast. Attend another conference. All in hopes that changing our behavior will eventually change our lives.

The problem is…

Jesus rarely started with the branches. He always went after the roots.

Think about His conversations throughout the Gospels. He consistently looked beyond what people were doing to discover what was happening underneath. Anger. Fear. Pride. Worry. Performance. He understood that healthy fruit only grows from healthy roots.

That’s one of the reasons I love the Primal Question Assessment.

It doesn’t simply identify behaviors. It helps uncover one of the roots beneath those behaviors. Over the past year, more than a thousand people have taken the assessment. Many of you reading this already know your Primal Question. But knowing your question isn’t the finish line. It’s the beginning. The assessment doesn’t tell you who you are. It helps reveal one of the roots that has been quietly feeding the branches of your life for years.

So over the next several weeks, I want us to revisit each of the seven Primal Questions.

Not to explain the assessment again because most of you already know your result. Instead, I want us to explore what each question has been whispering to us for years……and compare that voice with the voice of Christ.

Let’s begin with the question…

“Am I Safe?”

One of the things I’ve learned after sitting with hundreds of pastors, worship leaders, business leaders, and ministry staff is that I’ve never had someone whose deepest question is “Am I Safe?” introduce themselves by saying,

“Hi, I’m Rhon…and I think I micromanage.”

Not once. Instead, they tell me,

“I’m just trying to help.”
“I’m trying to keep everyone safe.”
“Somebody has to think about these things.”

And honestly… they’re often right. These are the people who notice details the rest of us completely miss. They remembered the batteries. They checked the trailer. They’ve already thought through Plan B and probably Plan C. Meanwhile, the rest of us are wondering who has the church keys.

I love serving with people wired this way. Their gift protects churches. It prevents mistakes. It creates order where there could have been chaos. But every gift has a shadow.I remember one coaching conversation where someone confidently told me,

“Micromanaging is good leadership.”

I smiled, not because I agreed, I smiled because they completely believed it.

For just a second I wondered if we were going to need a support group for everyone who worked for them.

Instead, I asked,

“What would it feel like if your leader managed you that way?”

Silence.

Not because they were embarrassed. Because they had never considered that question. You see, people whose deepest question is “Am I Safe?” usually aren’t trying to control people.\ They’re trying to create safety. That’s a very important difference.

Somewhere along the way, their heart quietly reached a conclusion:

“If I stay involved…”
“If I know what’s happening…”
If I make sure everything is done right…”
“Then everyone will be okay.”

That’s the root. The branch is micromanagement. The root is fear. Until we address the root, we’ll spend our lives trimming branches that continue to grow back.

Jesus offers something entirely different. He doesn’t condemn preparation. Preparation is a gift. He simply reminds us that peace doesn’t come from controlling every outcome. It comes from trusting the One who holds every outcome in His hands.

Maybe that’s the invitation this week.

Don’t ask,

“How can I stop micromanaging?”

Instead ask,

“What has my heart been believing about safety…and what does Jesus have to say about that?”

Because lasting change rarely begins with the branches. It begins at the roots.

Want to Discover Your Primal Question