hello there, wanderer
I don't know what I want to say. Something profound, of course, though I'm not much good at that. I just want to feel real again. I listen to the morning birds. I try to take note of the funny, flowered sprouts in my too-long grass. It's all sideways. I sleep poorly for weeks, sleep too deeply for weeks. I drag the trash can down the gravel driveway and try to set my steps to the rumble of the…
I find it in odd places: fractals of rain, a pond I pass by in the morning, the window of a house, the curve of the glass. Same light, though. Strange light. A noticing light, perhaps; it is the light that I notice.
Despite dabbling in the video game world throughout my childhood, I have never been what anyone might call an incredible gamer. Boss fights and first person shooter-style games have remained largely outside of my realm of interest. Though I've tested the waters a few times, I've always stayed happily in my personal gaming wheelhouse, which is geared more towards solo-adventure-type games where I…
When I find myself shying away from writing again, I try to go back to my first few posts and remind myself of my reasons for starting. When I first began, I felt incredible: so creative! so excited! & so in touch with a piece of me that I thought had shriveled up and died. Still, life gets in the way and I am - unfortunately - highly susceptible to changes in momentum. It only takes a small stone…
• • nine • • I try too hard to make the words pretty; lose the truth in the shine of my polished poetics. A time and place for that. I need to be present to make it real. Less romanticizing to the point of rose-tinted-ness. You have to love the boring parts, the ugly parts, the crying-shrieking-empty parts. They come back into a beautiful line of days, again and again. • • ten • • The slouching,…
I dreamt the moon fell from the sky, into my hands, and you were in it: little lightning bug in a clear jar. I shook you once, twice; cried and kissed the glass as apology; said sorry in my mind, but not aloud; looked for the catch or clasp and - finding none - set you in my purse (unzipped) and walked us home.
On the drive home from work, the deep greens of the roadside ditches are flush with pale orange stars: day lilies, my online search tells me. Herald of summer, perhaps. As June trickles into July, the trees grow lush, and the days grow long here. The lingering sunshine energizes me, but I miss the quiet light of spring and the cooler morning air. Now I sit on the porch in the evenings and fan…
Last night, I dreamt of a movie that doesn’t exist: The Long and Slow Unpeeling of an Orange . The dream comes apart in layers. In the first, I am within the movie, watching the characters pass by - ghost in the narrative. A layer up: telling a friend about the plot ( more than a little perplexed and irritated with it…"Why would they name the movie something so unrelated to the main storyline?" ).…
Trout, Fawn, and Pepper 1 are coming over tonight to celebrate Fawn's birthday. Originally, I'd thought that F&T were going out to dinner with her family, so Pep and I had made plans to watch a double-feature of Yellowjackets episodes, since we had to rain check last week's drop. I ran around today and yesterday getting some items together for a relaxed birthday celebration: chocolate cake mix,…
Thank you, Kayla , for the tag on Ava's Bear Blog Question Challenge (+ Silly Questions for Fun from Dabi )!!! • • • • bear blog questions why did you make the blog in the first place? Oh man, haha. I mean, I have it mapped out a bit more neatly in my restoring my sense of self post, but overall, I just felt really like I didn't value my internal dialogue at all; I didn't think I had anything to…