It’s a Monday afternoon right now and I’m about to head out to softball in a bit. At least I think I will. My team is playing on Field 1 today which is the only field out of three not completely wrecked and/or submerged by water from the rain last night. Every Monday, it feels, the sky pukes on the Chicago lakefront just to spite us—the sky does not want the theater softball league to continue, it seems.
Most of the season has been canceled and rescheduled, there are some teams that have only played three games since May and there aren’t enough dates to reschedule makeups before the playoffs, especially if the storms keep happening. My friends who play softball in different leagues on different days also report having a bunch of THEIR games canceled, which means that it’s not that the weather is like Garfield and hates Mondays—the weather is just kinda bad and inconsistent a lot. What’s going on???
Chicago summer used to be a thing everyone knew about. You’d suffer through the cold, bitter winter winds and just think to yourself, “Chicago summers are the absolute best. It’ll be worth it. You can do this.” For one, because of climate change the winters aren’t really that bad anymore, just really wet (do NOT tell this to aspiring transplants with the money to Uber everywhere, we don’t need more of those people here). Second, because the climate is shifting all year around the summers aren’t as perfect as they used to be. There’s heat waves, but it’s more muggy than I ever remembered it. Since Canada is always on fire now, too, there’s the added bonus of not being able to walk outside due to smoke pollution. And it’s always raining. And raining on softball day, nonetheless! Rude!
With the rains and the thunderstorms happening, I haven’t been able to go out swimming as much as I want to this summer. Even on the Fourth of July I was sitting at the beach and then got hit by a torrential downpour, and then the night sky was too foggy to see any fireworks or anything. The thunderstorms have also gotten more intense and with everything else happening it turns out that Tornado Alley is shifting East, right into Illinois.
I grew up in the western suburbs of the city, a flat place that is the last spot of civilization before the corn part of Illinois takes over. We had a lot of tornado warnings, but I never once saw a tornado while living there. There have been a couple of funnel clouds, but the only big tornado touchdown worth remembering was in Plainfield over 30 years ago. We’ve always been technically part of Tornado Alley, but not really. Even when I lived in the Quad Cities, a more tornado populated area, there was nothing (except for that derecho/tornado warning that ended up blowing up the power box for the whole school and got a tree to knock out someone’s whole apartment wall. Other than that it was chill). But now? Illinois has defeated Missouri and Kansas (the Wizard of Oz state for crying out loud!) in tornado frequencies. We’re getting the top spot every year for like the last four years. Chicago is getting tornado warnings now because it turns out that the lakefront and tall buildings preventing tornadoes is a myth. That is so fun.
It’s also crazy to think about how nowhere on Earth really gets tornadoes other than the middle of the continental United States because nowhere else is geographically shaped like a wind bowl. Just think about it: you’ve got mountains on both sides and it’s just trapping the cold and hot air and then that air gets swirled around the air bowl that is the Great Plains and then people’s houses get demolished by twisters and we get a couple of movies out of it. Tornadoes, flash floods, corn sweat, we’ve got everything over here in the Midwest.
SHOWS!
This Wednesday 8/12 is Tease & Resist’s first zine launch at Cafe Mustache. The party starts at 7:30 and I’m gonna be doing some reading. You can also buy a zine there OR order it online!
On Saturday 8/15 I will be joining That Thing You Pull When You Want To Stop at Cornservatory for some improv at 7:30.
Sunday 8/16 at 7:00pm I will be doing some standup at the Home Theater in the Lightly Toasted showcase. Tickets are free, but donations are accepted.
And on Tuesday I will be back on the Tuesday Good Show, now at The Western at 7:00.
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