Hey beautiful soul,
The last few months have been damn weird and intense, hasn’t it? At least for me, it has.
The last 2 months have involved either hectic back-to-back family travel, or me curled up on my bed, with all the fears, insecurities, identities, and voices I thought I had healed from and let go of returning with a ferocious intensity—in what felt like a completely new body.
My brain wouldn’t stop spinning, even when I was exhausted as hell and really wanted to sleep. My partner and I were experiencing immense life changes. And as a friend put it beautifully, “life was just not lifing”.
It felt like Mercury retrograde…but across all aspects of life. Things just wouldn’t work the way I thought they would. I thought it was only in my head until my husband noticed it too.
Sometime in between, when I did begin to work/write, the universe decided to add a painful muscle stretch in my back into the mix, where I couldn’t sit for even more than 20 minutes.
And right in the middle of all this, I turned 29.
Along with all the fears and insecurities also arrived deep, insatiable anger and grief. And guilt—because I had already spoken about these topics with my loved ones, and cleared the air. I know why they did what they did. But the anger for the version of me who went through the whole ordeal still persisted.
And the more I understood it, the more confusing and aggravating it felt that it wouldn’t leave.
I had no idea where to channel it. No way to transmute it into something else. And I couldn’t force it either. Having an intense as hell time as someone who has 4 placements in Aries, including her sun, definitely didn’t help.
It was only later that I realised how deeply I’m being called to journaling—to surrender to the love of my higher self, soul or Mother Earth…because no one other than me or a higher power could give me the kind of compassion that I yearned for.
This phase also pushed me to communicate better than ever. To be okay about my emotions—remorse, not guilt (I’ll be forever grateful to Sheila Delaney for this). To set better boundaries.
I already thought I did it. But this was another level altogether.
And somehow, alongside all of this…a few things held me.
I got pulled into herbalism and food that heals. I believe I was always called to cooking (I’m an awesome cook, if I might say so), but this felt deeper. Medicinal.
Teas. Juices. Face & hair masks. Understanding the energy of each plant and placing it in specific corners of our home. I was making our home more…home.
Surprisingly, art.
I’ve never considered myself an artist, since my sister always took that title at home. Similarly, I was the ‘singer’ of the house.
It’s only in the last few years, after I moved out and worked on myself, that this artistic side began to open up in layers, along with my spiritual gifts.
And now, it feels like I’ve found this hidden, burrowed, sleeping part of myself that’s awakened now.
It feels awesome to truly tap into my full-blown creativity, follow my curiosity, and be willing to make mistakes.
This showed up as paintings, photography, sinking deeply into nature, and rituals around the home.
For the first time, I did a multi-piece painting, and it felt awesome! The designs are called “Pulli Kolams”, which are usually drawn outside the house with rice flour. This one is done using a whitener.
Most importantly…even when I was fully in my head and could hardly hear my soul’s voice, I could still constantly sense the fierce protection, love, and safety of the Universe and Mother Earth.
Through repeated angel numbers.
Through being pulled toward plants.
Through messages from friends.
Through unexpected support from unexpected people.
Even within the swirl, that companionship was constant. And it was unlike anything I had experienced before.
Something deeply shifted this week.
I don’t know if it was the Aries new moon or something else, but I began to feel like myself again. Slowly. Gently. One step at a time.
Even writing this newsletter feels massive.
A few weeks ago, I couldn’t even comprehend doing this. (I kept up with the notes, though; I didn’t want to lose my momentum.)
I feel much more in my body now.
There’s clarity in my head.
The fog has lifted.
Words are flowing again.
And my dream project—the one I haven’t been able to touch for weeks…I’ve started working on it again.
It feels divinely timed. And honest in a way I’ve never allowed before. Like it’s fully me. (I’ll share more about it soon.)
Every time I experience the cycle of forgetting and remembering…something deeper settles into my being.
This time, it was herbs and food—an entire dimension I now feel called to weave into my work and sessions, in whatever way the field opens up. I can feel myself going deeper into the mind, body, and soul amalgamation.
And it feels…really good.
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