Let them sleep

This summer, I ran an experiment with my teens. I let them fall asleep and wake up whenever it felt right. The only rule was they had to turn off tech by 10 and leave devices outside the bedroom.

Their wake-up time changed instantly. During the school year, my boys wake up at 6 AM, catch the bus at 6:45, and start class by 7:30. This summer, they consistently woke up after 11 AM. Sometimes later.

During our summer experiment, the boys fell asleep at their regular time—somewhere between 10:30 and 11:30 PM. They had a consistent natural rhythm: needing about 11 hours of sleep and preferring to get it—ironically—between 11 and 11.

When they were little, my boys were early to bed and early to rise. Adolescence adjusted their body clocks. They, like their same-age friends, get tired later than us. Basic biology and genetics. Some sleep scientists and sociologists say this started millennia ago, when our ancestors were in the wild. Young people had the best senses and strength. They stayed up late to protect their tribe.

Now school’s in session, and my teens are losing 4 to 5 hours of sleep each day. Friend, that’s about a day of sleep a week!

School forces them up early, and sports force them to stay up late. They can’t change this schedule, and neither can I. Not without the radical removal of what they love.

Why do we do this to kids? The consequences are serious, and the science is clear.

In The Sleep-Deprived Teen, my friend Lisa L. Lewis describes what happens when young people don’t get good sleep:

• They lash out, talk back, yell, or become easily distracted and dysregulated

• Their emotions intensify, making it harder to cope with tough stuff

• They’re more likely to feel depressed and even suicidal

A mix of school, sports, afterschool activities, homework, and late-night tech use is to blame. All can be adjusted, and should be. With good rest, kids feel better, behave better, learn better, perform better, and do basically everything else better.

Rehumaning Remedy: Let them sleep

What do we do when kids’ normal schedules don’t match their natural sleep needs? How do we rehuman their lives to give them the great gift of a good night’s rest? Honestly, it’s a struggle. Here’s where we can start:

• Awareness: Learn more about teen sleep. Read Lisa’s book and check out the Start School Later campaign. We sleep more than a third of our lives, and kids sleep even more. We should know what happens and why it matters.

• Action: Do what you can, given your role. Parents, keep a regular bedtime with devices out of the bedroom. Administrators, start school later. Teachers, reconsider homework and early morning assignments. Everyone, encourage kids to nap! The general rule—which I learned from sleep scientist Sara Mednick—is that naps should last between 5 and 20 minutes, always before 5 PM.

• Ask: Privately request changes to school, sport, and activity schedules when they leak into the fringes of the day. Tweens and teens shouldn’t start anything before 8:30 AM. On school days, activities should end by 9 PM or earlier.

• Advocate: If awareness, action, and asking for help still leave kids with serious sleep loss, then publicly advocate for change. Send a letter to your superintendent, speak at a school board meeting, start an online petition, call the sports league director. This is worth our energy, effort, and even embarrassment.

This year, protect and prioritize kids’ sleep. Their learning and lives depend on it. And as you take this on, prioritize your own sleep. You need it too.

Rehumaning IRL

This is a personal priority for me, so let’s do this together. Leave a comment and share what this looks like for you and the young people in your care. I’m planning to start a conversation with our school superintendent.