Fighting Cravings

I had the most wonderful dream last night. I met a man. I liked him. Long story short, he offered to charter a plane and take me to an out-of-town Rockets game.

Well. I wasn’t going to sell myself for a private plane and Rockets tickets, but let’s just say his stock was rising.

Later, Dream Man and I were talking and I couldn’t remember his brother’s name. I was having one of those moments that scare me.

While I was recovering from my out-of-control diabetes last year, the memory problems associated with it made me worry about dementia and Alzheimer's. I feared this was the beginning of something serious.

In the dream, my date didn’t laugh it off. He didn’t say, “Oh, everybody forgets names.” He was concerned. He said something like, “This could be serious. We need to take you to the doctor.”

Sold. Forget the private plane. His concern was the deal clincher. He was someone who would notice when something might be wrong and look out for me.

The feeling was magnificent.

And, of course, I woke up.

To itching arms.

Dream man: We need to take care of you.

Type 1 diabetes: Good morning. I’m still here.

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My arms are itching again, and this time it’s pretty strong. I’m making myself not scratch because once I start, I know I’ll make it worse. It may not look like much but imagine mosquito bites or ant bites traveling over your body and you’ve just GOT to itch. Yeah, that.

I’ve been wondering about these episodes of itching and rash. Yes, I’ve talked to a half dozen doctors, and it seems the best explanation is nerve endings.

However, I’m beginning to suspect they may occur after I’ve had a day with many high blood sugar levels.

I’m not declaring it a medical fact. I’m just noticing a pattern. Yesterday I ate a lot of ice cream. I knew better but I was craving it so badly.

After all these years, I know exactly what ice cream does to my blood sugar. Sometimes I can resist the craving. Sometimes I can’t. Yesterday I couldn’t.

That’s one of the things about living with Type 1 diabetes that gets lost when we talk about numbers and carb counts and insulin and time-in-range. Fighting the Cravings.

Understanding carbs doesn’t magically make you stop wanting what you want.

Sometimes I can look at something I really want and say, Nope. Not worth it. Sometimes I negotiate with myself. Sometimes I eat the damn ice cream.

Then this morning I wake up wondering whether the itching on my arms has anything to do with the highs I had the day before.

Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. I’m going to start paying attention. That’s part of why I wanted this to be a journal.

I want this journal to be the place where I tell the truth. This happened. I ate the ice cream. My blood sugar went high. My arms are itching. I wonder if there’s a connection. I’ll watch and see. Because sometimes I can resist the craving. Sometimes I can’t.

And somewhere out there, my handsome Southern gentleman is probably still waiting beside the chartered plane.

Probably without Ice Cream in his hands.