On Being a True Self Online

Hi, I’m still in Greece on the teeny-tiny island I am gatekeeping.

By the pool, in the pool, reading Brenda Ueland on the true self in writing, in all creative work.

“True self is never a fixed thing,” she writes. “It is always in motion, like music, a river of life.”

Do not try to be consistent, she says — “for what is true to you today may not be true at all tomorrow, because you see a better truth.”

I transcribe into my notebook the quotes that inspire this letter. Writing about the true self on the internet is where these ideas get tested.

It’s not 1935.1 We’re not just writing for the readers of Ladies’ Home Journal (Ueland’s reference) — well, we are, but we’re also potentially seen by anywhere from 1 to 1M+ people, depending on the interests of the algorithm and the people consuming it.

True self on display now often has to be agreeable — a slice of the truth, not the whole of it. I say this because I strive to be real™️ — inching closer to it, the way Ueland describes, through "long, patient, serious work."

“Violent Passions Emit the Real, Good and Perfect Tones," Ueland quotes William Blake as saying. She adds to Blake: “Active evil is so much better than passive good, which is just docility, feebleness, timidity.” Regarding creative work.

I rail against the system. I believe in free, accessible education. I use digital image archives for inspiration over Pinterest. I adore public libraries.

I also attempt to make money (read: I have zero sales) through affiliate links to companies I have complicated feelings about. I joke that I actually work for Meta, in that I get sent small sums ($42) periodically if a post goes viral-ish on Instagram.

Why? Because I have dimensions to me. I use AI. I use it to edit my letters, for grammar and clarity. But the origin of every letter I publish is pen and paper, because I believe that’s the only way to get to your true self. At least for me.

For years I’ve been a creator online, before the phrase “content creator” existed. I had a WordPress blog. I had an Instagram, back when there was no algorithm, no money in it — all for pleasure, all for the sake of expressing, sharing, connecting with people who thought like me.

Now I’m in what feels like Act Three (Act One: WordPress era, Act Two: Instagram era, Act Three: Substack era) of being online. Officially a “creator,” or is it unofficial? Either way, I’m sharing, expressing, connecting, in a newer, monetized version of the same thing. This age lets me make money — small amounts, side-hustle-like. Hopefully, someday more sustainable.

Take what you like. Leave the rest — me included, if you don’t like it either. Look at me being comfortable not being liked — progress! I’m still dreading publishing this letter, for fear of backlash. That is my true self.

A true self is always changing — never fixed, always in motion, as Ueland says. I’m trying to be honest about that in real time — as I write, I learn more about myself, what direction I want to pursue. I want to be a creator who makes good, sustainable money doing this. I’ll be doing brand partnerships. I’ll link affiliate products to bigger retailers when I have to, though I try not to start there. And, for the record, since I’m being honest: I’ve made zero sales from this so far. My ShopMy is glue sticks, books, notebooks — and not the hottest sandals, shorts, or button-downs of the season — though I might sometimes do fashion bits.

“The only way to find your true self is by recklessness and freedom.”
– Brenda Ueland

I aim to be free, to be reckless. To be my true self. ⭐︎

Extra bits

Brenda would spend her life as a staunch feminist and is said to have lived by two rules: To tell the truth, and to not do anything she didn't want to [wikipedia]

The true self is really the Conscious (or Holy Ghost). [If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit]