Dear friends,
Things have begun to warm up in my 100 Day Project. Notifications are popping like popcorn. Some posts have travelled wide. New followers have joined, perfect strangers with their own interesting lives. Old friends have circled back, injecting doses of encouragement to keep going.
And keep going I shall. But I genuinely do not know how to pause and celebrate. Or how to celebrate an UP without already dreading the DOWN. Or worse, how can I go UPPER than UP?
They say we must keep improving. Always and infinitely. They say we must compete with nobody but ourselves. I am sorry but past Raju is often an articulate genius and present Raju is a clueless duffer. I cannot compete with her.
But I can write. So I’m writing to you. I take no guarantee that my writing quality will remain consistent. In fact, in order to be a good writer, I must be inconsistent. I must allow my mediocrity to sit on the same couch as my brilliance.
Most creative people I know or have worked with, are perplexed by the intense fear of being mediocre. I share this feeling but over the years, my intuition has been driving me to hug my mediocrity and roll in the mud with it. Because what’s beneath the fear of being mediocre? It’s the fear of being left behind. Of being rejected because someone better will be chosen. Of being loved less because you’re not your exquisite best self all the time.
And what is the task of life? To learn to love yourself when you’re not your exquisite best self. And to find people who love you in all your phases. Isn’t that why we love the moon? It is so mediocre sometimes you don’t even look at it a second time. But sometimes, even if it isn’t fully full, you can’t take your eyes off it.
So I’m not going to take my eyes off my success. And I’m not going to worry about my impending failure. I will celebrate my wins. How? By listing them. And I am going to do something unusual. Start with a list of wins I’m scared to celebrate.
Posted a poem on feeling exploited and shamelessly asked people to share it so it reaches anyone who has felt the same. It reached 5.3k people!
Posted a definition of an essay I wrote a few months ago, and it reached 10.6k views and 732 likes.
Posted about the idea of a cool person. It reached 5.3k people, and a few writers I really admire commented.
Why did these feel scary to celebrate? Because they have numbers. If you’re a pure artist, you’re not supposed to care for the numbers. Any numbers. The money you earned, the followers you gained, the subscribers you have.
I know nothing about pure art, but numbers are severely underrated structures for creativity. For example, I needed a 100 Day Project to share my work in a way that breaks me open, breaking courage down to 100 pieces.
To keep going with any project, it helps to look at the numbers: I’m 30% done, or I gained 50 new followers. I know of writers who strive to achieve a certain number of rejections per year because that is the biggest marker of how often they tried to submit their work.
Any remotely creative person knows that the algorithm is an untrustworthy enigma. But it is important to celebrate both - the width and depth your art reached. So here’s my second list, the non-numerical one:
Posted a reel on creative friends and sank deeper into the gratitude I feel for mine.
Posted a poem that was close to my heart, even when I knew it will not be as read as my one sentence post.
Posted a post about needing a break from posting!
That’s all, dear friends.
I have listed my wins and would feel so thrilled if you could share a win (small/big/medium) from your life with me. Write to me or leave a comment. You may or may not be on a 100 Day Project, but it’s SO worth it to pause and celebrate your efforts. Let’s do it together.
Love,
Raju
PS: 50 points if you add a number to your win. (See what I did there? :D)
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