a place where i write stuff. not for kids; you've been warned. thank you. last post was {{ bloglastposted }} ago. ...
Sitting by a pool. Some people I know; some I don’t. Mixed vibes. Nice weather. Limbo. Disco. Fished today. No bites. Notifications on my phone. Expecting someone to reach out to me. Just a group chat for a geography game. Self imposed loneliness. Want to connect but cannot. Want to be more but cannot. Buy a course. Buy my course. Take a workshop. Purchase a book on how to connect. Patience. Melt…
Tension. Tense. Expectations. Expectations of what should be but it’s not. Or hope, maybe? Feelings. Sadness. Insecurity. Self consciousness. Judgement. Jarring. Non-belonging. Change. Changed. For so long things were the same. Now they are not. I guess things do change. Not sure if for better or for worse. Just different. I’m different. Strange feeling all this. A seaplane flys on by. A dog…
Road trip has begun. Got an oat milk latte from A&W. In the back seat of the car. Stuffed in with the luggage, some dress shirts, a portable tub my grandma would have baths in later in life that is being brought to act as a beer tub for my brother’s wedding. My dad’s driving. I’m a bit worried; he kind of jerks the steering wheel when we drive. It can make me car sick. So far so good though. A bit…
Howdy folks 🤠 👋 I am having a coffee. Yesterday was fucked up for a variety of reasons. Some days show you that you don’t have it so bad. Take a breather. Take a walk. Leave your phone at home. Touch grass. It’s typically worth it. Peace. ✌️
In my car. Waiting for carpool into city. Feeling a bit rushed and out of sorts past week or so. Brother’s wedding coming up. A friend wanted to come to the town they live in but I wasn’t sure if I could accommodate them. I think I can it just requires finagling. Work. Not work. Friends. Girls. Animals. Anima and Animus. I feel less lonely; in some ways. More lonely in others. It feels really good…
August 6, 2026 Sitting in my car. Waking up slowly. At the cross road of hwy 1 & 22. It’s quite the meet up point. A local hot spot for carpooling. Workers, hikers, road trippers, truckers, you name it. They meet here. A true public good. Hope it lasts. I had a date yesterday; she cancelled. I fell asleep in my bed without showering. Second night in a row I’ve done that. The sleep feels nice but…
I felt a lot of shame today. Shame about what I am. Who I am. What I like. Who I like. Shame for being me. Shame for being free. When I feel shame I also get paranoid. Today I’ve been paranoid. Paranoid that people are listening in. Paranoid I’ll be taken away. Paranoid that I’m in trouble. Paranoid that I’ll be killed. That’s the scary one. Sometimes I get scared that because I’m different,…
I’m sad today. I’m mad I’m sad. I don’t want to be sad. But, alas, I am. I have some things I’ve been putting off; I guess self care would be confronting them. Laundry, cleaning. Hard conversations. Boundary setting; enforcing. Hard things. Ironman was tough but setting a healthy boundary is harder. In my opinion at least. Un-enmeshing. From friends, from family, from complete strangers. I take on…
I’m stressed but not. I’m nervous but alright. I’m worried but mellow. I’m tired but enjoying myself. Saw a fish today. Saved its life. Saw a moose yesterday. And a lot of deer and cows. A bald eagle and a hawk. Exhausted but fulfilled. One problem at a time. Follow God’s plan. He’ll make the decision for you. Don’t force. Don’t fight. Just let life flow the way it wants. Enjoy the ride.
Sadness. I have to pee. Fatigue. An eeriness. A flatness. Liminal spaces. Nostalgia and Déjà vu. Water and dust. Asbestos and safety harnesses. Don’t fall down. Don’t fall down. Don’t worry, I won’t fall down. Splat. sigh I guess I’ll go pee now.
I’m out of cloud storage. Fuck you tech overlords for making the digital filing cabinet expensive. The city is hot. I’m in a car with no AC. I’m in a parking lot. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to do anything. Maybe I need to eat. Maybe I need food. Maybe I just need to sit here and breathe. I see you. I love you. I let you go. I let you go. I let go. Let go. Go.