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Raf le Rat Writes

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Please don't tell me how to feel.

Maybe I'm being sensitive but why must every video or piece of content have emotional music in the background trying to force me to have some intended emotional response? Let me feel how I want I don't need the extra kick.

The Dream

I had a dream about him last night. You were in the kitchen of our home, saying "he's back, he's outside! He's in the garden! He must have jumped over the wall." I was down the passage in the bedroom, lying on the bed. "No it can't be. It can't be. We went and saw the body. We saw the body!" I've cried every night this week.

Finch

I wish I could bake the imagery into my mind. Don’t forget. That little beak, made for eating seeds, open close open close. Don’t forget. Covered in blood. Open close, open close. Batman came bursting into the room early this morning with that muffled meow that says “I’ve caught something”. He gives it over quite happily, a gift. Looks like some type of finch, juvenile male from the small amount…

Warmth

It's warm inside by the fire with the rest of the family. And if we'd take a few steps off the porch into the garden we'd see a million stars. But we're happy here, curled up on the day bed, keeping each other company.

I hope you're well, miss Bell.

Many moons ago, in a time of dumb phones and having to wait in a designated area to speak to a human to catch a taxi I shared a little moment with someone. 20 years later everything is somewhat of a blur, never mind the vodka induced blur of the night in question, though I know that much is true. We texted a bit back and forth, asking cute questions, sharing our lives. Then slowly there wasn't any…

The nod

Much to my wife's annoyance I consider myself firmly in my "middle aged" era. She feels it as something that's half-way to death and to be feared. While I'm really enjoying and in some small ways leaning into it. I don't drink or smoke anymore. I don't party or want to go sky diving. I really like that my life is in many ways calmer, simpler and has more of a rhythm (let's just pretend things like…

Bugs become features

Sung to the tune of “two become one”. CS2 was announced today (Wed, March 22), after a painfully long hype cycle and so far all signs point to it being a fantastic upgrade. Something in particular that caught my attention (it was pointed out quite specifically in this volumetric smoke vs HE grenade video) was the “he grenades disperse smoke from smoke grenades”. What I think is really cool here is…