Formula is recalled. Investors are still rich. Babies still are sick. And you?

Don’t have time to read this brilliant newsletter? OK! Everyone who bankrolled the two formula companies that poisoned babies is doing NOTHING, but we are doing SOMETHING. And we want you to join us. You can do that here.

Picture this: you’re a dude and you’re very rich! You’re rich because you can see a hole in the market. You also take risks to fill and exploit this hole because your intelligence makes you bold. You are so confident in how you spend money that you get other people to trust you to spend their money. You don’t limit yourself: you look for companies that could disrupt any market — tech, gaming, alcohol, dog food, baby formula. You move the tides of commerce. You don’t spike your hair this tall without talent.

You and 26 other companies made up of men like you decide to invest in a baby formula company, ByHeart. Not all of the investors are fathers—but look, you don’t need to have fed a baby to know a great business opportunity when you see one. Just like you don’t need to be a dog to know a genius market play in the dog food delivery economy. Firsthand experience isn’t necessary when you have a gift. A gift for turning a lot of money into even more money. They only give the smallest microphones to the biggest men.

Now, picture yourself as this rich, smart, brave man (go ahead, it’s fine to admit that it takes courage to spend so much money to make money!). And you learn that one of the companies you invested in poisoned 40+ infants with botulism. Botulism? Don’t you get that from like sardine cans? Did it come from the can? You do some googling. Well this sucks.

You fire off an email to your lawyer. “What’s our coverage on this? How worried should we be?” You have many more meetings to prepare for. And while this is a risk that comes with investment, also you trust the CEO. He walked you through their rigorous testing requirements. No he didn’t have any experience in factory manufacturing or feeding babies. But it doesn’t matter. He has the same gift you have — rich people trust him to make them even richer. Text alert: “are we flying into Reno or Tahoe for Burning man???” Ok time to lock in and focus.

Months go by. All the babies were hospitalized but none died. Phew! The FDA announces that they can’t figure out the root cause of the botulism. It’s good news. It’s not the company’s fault. Or at least that they can’t prove it’s the company’s fault. Just the other day, the Federal government announced that the country’s formula supply was safe. These hiccups can happen, maybe you do some more Googling. Oh yikes, no thanks.

Close tab. You have a ski trip to prepare for. It will all work out. A week goes by and ANOTHER formula recall is announced. Looks like it can happen to any company! It’s only four babies this time. I guess that’s good news? This formula brand, Nara, had a bunch of fancy celebrity investors. Are they promising anything? Are they saying they’re going to get to the bottom of this? Or maybe like “💔”? I’ll check their Instagram feeds.

Ok, well, this is all part of the gig— to captain colossal tides of capital through the ventricles of world markets. There is an ebb and flow. In this ecosystem of cash and crypto there are no babies. No infants too weakened by disease to even cry. No mothers shaking with terror by a tiny hospital bed. There are no bacteria or spores. No milk or blood. There is only an interwoven network of corporations, governed inexorably by the immutable bylaws of business. And the bylaws say, “oops,” when infants are poisoned but nothing more. The incredible geysers of money will keep shooting from the earth, washing my hands clean and leaving my black puffy vest perfectly dry.

DID YOU ENJOY THE FINANCE BRO FAN FIC HORROR SHOW?? Here’s the point: they are doing NOTHING. Do you want to do SOMETHING? Do you want to do something that would directly target investors and like, get them freaked out even for a minute about the immense responsibility they’re avoiding by doing nothing while babies are getting hospitalized?

I assume your answer is FUUUUUUUCKKKKKK YEAAAAAAHHH I DO!!!!

Then sign up and join us for one of our upcoming Zoom action meetings where you’ll be able to directly participate in a SOLUTION to this ongoing shitshow.

Let’s Organize for Motherbaby!

🤱🏻🤱🏽🤱🏼

⭐Sunday, July 26th at 4pm ET

https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/91pZzmy-ReiHyUFKqsbOWQ

⭐Tuesday, July 28th 1pm ET

https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/Zim0shVfTqmKR4JOm9IyTQ

⭐Thursday, July 30th at 6pm ET

https://us06web.zoom.us/meeting/register/eauxGdXrQoS4K4sQ9Zijog

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