Why do I do this work in the face of, well, everything? (Also, I’m taking a vacation!)

A question I get a lot, particularly in the face of the degree of harassment I get for the work I do, is this: why do you keep doing it?

I mean, I’ve had Neo Nazis show up at a private night out to try to intimidate me. I’ve ended up as the top result on an international doxxing list, which led to days of nonstop harassment. I’ve been photographed in public and my live location was shared on a while nationalist chat room. That’s all on top of the daily, relentless threats and attacks I get online, fired out by everyone from anonymous trolls to the right-wing media that love to use my face as clickbait. Fan behaviour!

But really, why do I keep doing it? I’ll be honest, there’s days when I ask myself the same thing. Especially when the work I do impacts people I love, or when it forces me to constantly look over my shoulder in my daily life.

Here’s how I like to answer that question in those moments.

We’re told in journalism school that our job is to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. When institutions and society fail someone, journalists can swoop in and remind them that they deserve to be protected — and demand that protection for them.

Journalism, in my mind, should be about helping people to not feel so alone.

Sometimes we lose sight of that goal. I’m sure I’ve gone through waves where the work I’ve done could have been more impactful. Still, I do my best. With each story I tell, I try to think: who is this helping? Why am I telling this story?

Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of a lone trans kid in Alberta. I think of a South Asian person who has been dealing with relentless racist harassment. I think of the kid who lost everything to a wildfire while the government all but abandons climate action. I think of how alone they must feel in their darkest moments, how they might sometimes feel like society has accepted or worse, enabled, the ongoing pain they face.

If my journalism can, for one second, remind that person that they deserve to be protected, seen, and supported, then it’s worth every second of harassment and bullshit I’ve faced.

Some of us have the privilege of being able to look away from pain and societal harm. In many ways, I have that privilege too. But when we look away, the pain and harm doesn’t stop. It just means the person experiencing it now has to face it alone.

I never want them to feel like they’re alone.

I think that’s why I struggle to take time off. I haven’t taken a proper break since Christmas — but I get so scared that people will feel more alone if I don’t keep reminding them they deserve to have someone in their corner.

Then I remember: I’m not that damn important. There are incredible journalists out there who are talented, compassionate and want to make sure those same people don’t feel alone. I can strive to be part of the solution, but I am far from alone in that effort.

So that brings me to the point of this video. I’m finally taking some time off. Two weeks, to be exact. I’m going to rest, recharge, and come back swinging. Frankly, I really need it.

I feel so guilty every time I take a break. My paid subscribers are the reason I can do this work at all, and I want to make sure you feel you’re getting your money’s worth. But then again, I say that every time I’ve taken a vacation — and you guys always slap some sense into me. Thank you for that.

I am so incredibly grateful for all you. This work gives my life purpose. You make it possible.

I’ll be back before you know it. Right after Labour Day, to be exact.

See you then. ❤️