Running a Household of 13, the details

The further along I go in parenting, the more I agree with the old truism, “Begin as you mean to go on,” meaning essentially—it never hurts to start a family habit/rule/way of doing things that you want to hold to for the rest of your kid-raising years. Everyone reading today’s post, from one-child families to big families to those contemplating families someday, will be able to pick up ideas from this interview with of my favorite moms on the internet!

Grace Patton had her first child just a few months before me, so I’ve been able to follow her on social media at Camp_Patton as a motherhood companion for fourteen years. Watching her posts, I find myself laughing at her determined good humor in all situations, or being inspired by how she’ll pull off a family Easter photo, and always getting tips about good toys or deals on kids clothes.

In particular, when our kids were younger, it cheered me up when she playfully graded her kids behavior at church services. Having just survived our service, wondering why we bothered acting like we could sit still for an hour—almost certainly interrupting the quiet of our fellow parishioners a dozen times—it encouraged me to see her shrugging it off, and hoping for the best next time.

I feel so privileged to share a bit of the behind the scenes of running the Patton household of 13 here. Though of course we only get peeks at her home on Instagram, you can tell it’s a household that loves a pickup basketball game, a birthday party, and a family dinner. In short, one I’d like to join!

As you’ll see, no question was too in the weeds for this post—laundry, chores, sports, grabbing the storied one-on-one time with kids—I wanted all the details, and Grace was game. Lucky us!

Let’s get started…

Q: One thing that I think I’ve observed correctly through following you is that you like a tidy home. It seems like kids stuff has its zone, and you keep the rest of the house shipshape to be enjoyed clutter-free for the whole family. Yes? How do you approach the art projects in progress, collections of rocks/trash, the lego drawers.... Is clutter ultimately the enemy of the stay at home parent and we should ruthlessly seek it out and destroy it?

Grace: Hearty and literal Lol. I should probably be more intentional about showcasing our messes because they are very real and present—at all times. I do breathe easier when the house is clean but we would all literally be cleaning (and not living) all the time for that to be the case. My bedside table is currently strewn with soil from a toppled Mother’s Day plant I need to resurrect, and that is the tip of our current mess iceberg. I’ve really tried to make the kids rooms as functional as possible with storage for their toys (we have an entire dresser dedicated to LEGO creations) and hobbies (princess dress rack taking up a huge chunk of the little girls room real estate? Of course) but I do get rid of a lot of unnecessary clutter. The kids ask for it back…never. Art work is framed and hung in a dedicated hallway with lots of old/treasured art in the frame behind the newest creations. I don’t save much beyond that. I dream of being a lot more organized and clutter-free than I am. One day!

Q: Meal planning... I’ve seen you link to specific season-themed meal plans that you love. Is that five nights a week for your family? Is there a takeout night, or regular break night bulit in for you? On a scale of 1-10 how important is a family dinner to you and Simon?

Grace: Meal/dinner time is very important to us! We are a lot better about it during the colder seasons than the unstructured days of summer but it’s a priority and I’m not a master meal planner but thevanillatulip has given me so many great strategies and ideas! I love our crockpot (the kids do not 😆 ). Currently contemplating a Blackstone at the suggestion of a dear friend.

Q: Sibling squabbles—do you interfere ever?

Grace: Little kids? Usually always yes—especially if it’s physical. Older kids—generally let them work it out (within reason). I know they don’t believe us now but we are always stressing how their siblings will be around for (probably) a lot longer than their friends as seasons of life ebb and flow. We are both close with our siblings that live around us and hope the kids recognize that but we realize they might not (yet).

Q: Laundry. I think you have a with a small tv for folding helpers to watch while they get stuff done, which I just love. Seems like a special thing for those kids helping with that chore. Are you a one-kid per-basket person? Is it a load every single day or do you try to lump them together? (reel of Grace’s recent laundry room redesign.)

Grace: Laundry is pretty much always going and there’s almost always a load or three to be folded. Simon has a dedicated night (usually Wednesday) after bedtime where he picks an older kid to listen to an audiobook (or yes sometimes a show or watch a game but not always - we usually use that tv for when kids are sick and need to quarantine) and gets us alllll caught up on the folding beast. It’s the best. The kids love the time with Simon (especially getting to stay up later) and they usually work quickly and efficiently. Each kid has a cubby of folded clothes they know to empty and take to their room/drawers/closet. No baskets - too complicated and also where folded clothes go to die (in our home).

Q: Dividing household responsibilities...eek. Do you try to shuffle chores weekly, or do kids each have a predictable one? How about the omnipresent dinner dishes and cleanup? Do you lean on professional cleaners for some things? I feel if the older kids understand responsibilities, it’s much easier for the younger ones to jump in and help, but it does take a parent to tell them how to help, which involves having thoughts and speaking them clearly ; )

Grace: To be candid I used to think hiring cleaning meant that I was failing but we have two wonderful ladies come for 2 hours every other week to deep clean parts of the house and it gives me life. I feel like a weight is lifted and I can focus on other more pressing household needs. It also forces everyone to give the house a good and thorough pickup before they come. But - we all clean the kitchen and the first floor as a family every single night. Simon says if everyone works efficiently it can be done in 7 minutes (he’s not wrong) so it’s pretty painless! Some kids are meticulous about keeping their rooms clean and others … are not … but we try to get the whole house to a good base level every Saturday morning. Sometimes it does feel like all we do is clean but that’s not true or the house would be … cleaner ;).

Q: Connecting with individual kids...how do you feel about this? Is it much of a priority? As the second born of seven, I think I have very low expectations for how often a parent needs to connect one-on-one. A child will often seek the parent out when they need something, I’ve found. But do you guys seek to do walks, lunches out, any special customs based on birthday years? I’ve observed you celebrating birthdays in a special way for each kid.

Grace: We really do prioritize this! We recognize different temperaments and ages have varying levels of “need” and honestly desire to do things one on one but we never want anyone to feel lost in the shuffle. Simon takes 1 or 2 at a time (of the older 6 - those that have received first communion) on a rotation to early Saturday Mass and breakfast (his dad usually joins). There seems to be a natural rhythm of kids needing a specific outfit or shoes and I will take them on a solo shopping trip and tack on a meal to sweeten the mom date deal. Right now Julia gets up earlier and leaves earlier for school than the rest of the school kids so we get solo time each morning over a quick breakfast. It does seem to work itself out but Simon is especially great about recognizing if someone is needing some solo attention and making sure they get it even if it’s something quick - it makes a world of difference.

Q: You guys are a big sports family! Basketball court in the backyard, trampoline, kids in sports at school...is this a chosen priority for you and Simon or did you just fall into it?

Grace: think this is a symptom of where we live and how easy it is to make it happen with carpools together with neighbors and the fact that the kids can walk or bike to many practices and games. We’ve drawn the line (so far) at club sports and any league that has games on Sundays (for now) so as to keep some semblance of family time intact. Our kids also play instruments, do Bible studies and scouts. I know how cranky I get when I’m not able to exercise/sweat and so far all of the school kids love sports but as they get older and narrow down their interests / that could change and we would welcome that change of pace too! Simon has coached a number of their teams which has been fun to watch as a wife and mom. We’ve also asked for close-in-age siblings to be on the same team which has worked out nicely.

Q: Motivation and morale. You’ve always been quick to share that having just one or two children was your hardest time in parenting. Talk a little about where you are now in the journey of parenting.

Grace: I’ve been thinking lately that we are in the meat and potatoes stage of parenting. We’ll have two high schoolers next year along with three in middle school and a handful of younger kids. The stakes feel so much higher as the kids get older and their decisions start to become tangibly consequential (good and bad) for their future. Simon and I feel strongly that we really want to raise naturally curious kids, kids that want to take their faith seriously because they understand it deeply not because it’s been ground into their psyche, and charitable + generous humans. We know we are learning as we go and make mistakes all the time. So many different temperaments, learning styles, and ages keeps us on our toes and we never want to become complacent. It’s easy to want to be your kids best friend and let the discipline piece of the puzzle fall by the wayside especially as they get older but we try to keep the bigger parenting picture in mind and at heart.

🌷 Thank you so much, Grace! Join me in following Grace on Instagram and find yourself chuckling over her adventures.

📋 If you have a family with 4+ children and want to be quizzed about how your household runs, please email me! I (and my readers) have so many questions. This its the details family management & encouragement will hopefully be an ongoing series here.