There are 171 churches in my town. Many have street-facing marquees. While walking my dog, I often read these signs and imagine comebacks in the style of Al Jaffee’s MAD’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. I’m sharing some of them here to encourage you to do the same.
Are You Willing to Wait for God? If not, leave a number, and He’ll call you.
Jesus died for your sins. Don’t let his death be in vain.
God so loved the world, He killed His Son. Love the world less; love your kids more.
There are some questions Google can’t answer. Ask ChatGPT instead.
Taste and see that God is good. Don’t forget to order fries with your Eucharist.
At the heart of every sin is the letter “I.” Yet there is no “I” in saved.
Jesus died from three rusty nails. Isn’t it time you had a manicure?
God is rich. Give your money to the poor.
Jesus built us a bridge with 2 boards and 3 nails. Jesus didn’t have safety inspectors.
Believe in the Holy Trinity. Brahma, Vishnu, Shiva.
Where will you spend eternity? In line at the DMV.
Want to know what it’s like in Hell? Keep burning fossil fuels.
Your life is in God’s hands. Sadly, He’s singing “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”
Faith unlocks the door to Heaven. Why is Heaven’s door locked in the first place?
God never sleeps. No wonder He’s so cranky.
God is like Coca-Cola: the real thing. I prefer Diet God to God Zero. I don’t like God Classic at all, and don’t even get me started on New God.
Your turn…
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