These are notes I want to save that I am allowing to be public!...
I want my world to be bigger. Or maybe less that I want it to be ‘bigger’ but I want it to feel more real. I think I have had a trouble with the world feeling real since I was very little. I sometimes wonder if when I fell something in me jolted out of focus to the point that reality just seems a little off-center to the point that I cannot tell. Something is off. But it’s hard to say what. I do…
I had a strange thought today after reading a post on Reddit. I don't want to name the post but it was about how transmasculine people generally found the queer/trans community so hostile that they would leave. He mentioned extreme, horrible measures like suicide or detransition and it was mostly a plea for people to stop being so horrible but, like, I did realize... after experiencing all of the…
This isn't about the tea but rather about the design trend. The "in" color, as much as color is allowed these days, is "matcha", a bright, soft green, the color, of, well, matcha. And I don't hate this trend -- I just bought matcha keycaps for my keyboard. It's a pleasant color and almost seems like a good way of easing into color from all the neutrals. However, I have a vision of it backfiring.…
Saw a video complaining on the anachronistic costuming in The Odyssey and, well, there are very specific reasons they don’t let anyone where proper chitons. On men they look too much like dresses, and on women they aren’t sexy enough unless they’re spectacularly diaphanous to the point that they would not be appropriate for even an R rated movie. Thus, when it comes to Greeks, we’re left with…
I mean, it’s not like it’s complicated, it’s just the Bluetooth mouse I use with my laptop, though now I’ve paired it with my tablet. Why did I do it? I guess to just prove to myself that it could be done, even though I’ve heard that it was possible and I had no real reason to figure that this capability was a lie. It’s… interesting? The cursor looks different than I’m used to them looking. Scroll…
If depression is what they say it is then I don’t have it. If I have it then it is not what they say it is… there is something else going on. I cannot see myself in those mirrors, and I do not understand the proposed solution to the mirrors that I cannot see myself in. And this is the impasse at the heart of two years of therapy at this point. I do not know what else to say. There is something off…
I posted to my Dreamwidth blog today and realized that I didn't really think there would be improvements to DW in... ever. From what I understand their staff seem really overwhelmed by the deluge of bot traffic that AI has made possible and also fighting various legal challenges to even just keep the website up and working. I am thinking of getting an account there and I am a part of some…
I was out with a friend and he mentioned that he used to work at a Blockbuster and talking about a movie that I should see, and I was thinking how I would have to go and track down a streaming service or digital copy of this movie and that, well, I would not be able to just borrow this movie, even if he had a physical copy. And it made me wonder like, as everyone is using digital media for books…
I got an email in the early morning that my blog had been reviewed and so it would show up on the feed. I was hesitant to try to get my blog reviewed at all because the use policy seemed to imply that if a blog was, I don't know, too negative it would not be 'approved' (and I guess this is probably going to be mostly a vent blog, and I would consider the posts probably indicative that I may be an…
It does kind of feel like if I'm feeling bad I need to be constantly tearing myself apart in search of what exactly is 'wrong' and then 'fix it', even if the fix is non-fixing like 'mindfulness' or whatever the panacea du jour is. It is strange to have been on the rat wheel enough to know that 'fixing' isn't really real, it is an occupation, or maybe a preoccupation that is socially acceptable.…