My Daughter Graduated Preschool. I'm Not Crying. (I'm Crying.)

She stopped mid-trail, crouched down, and handed me a dandelion.

“For your hair, Mama.”

We do this on the nature path between our house and her preschool. My daughter picks whatever flower she finds. I wear it the whole way. Some mornings she tells me about Benny, her new friend, and how they play fox family at recess. Some mornings she just holds my hand and sings.

Last week something shifted. She handed me the flower, I tucked it behind my ear, and I felt it before I could name it. A drop in my stomach on an ordinary Tuesday.

I knew. While it was happening, I knew. This was the last one.

She graduated preschool last week. In the fall she starts at the elementary school, three blocks further, drop-off at the door. No nature trail. No dandelions.

We don’t always know when we’re in the last

The last time an old friend really opens up to you. The last “carry me.” The last “Mommy, can you come snuggle me?” Said in that voice, at that age, in that specific way.

Most lasts don’t announce themselves. You only recognize them looking back, and by then the moment is already archaeology.

My kids are four and six. They can do a lot by themselves now, but they still think I’m cool. They still need a nightlight, a stuffy, and two stories to fall asleep. They still sing “What Does the Fox Say?” at the top of their lungs with the whole family in the car (we are really into foxes these days).

I know this season has an end. I just don’t know which ordinary Tuesday it will be.

The only move that actually works

I’m not going to tell you to cherish every moment. You know that already and it doesn’t help when you’re just trying to get out the door.

What I will say is this: you don’t have to know it’s a last to be present for it.

The dandelion didn’t matter because I knew. It mattered because I was there. I wasn’t on my phone. I wasn’t running the calendar in my head. I was just walking, holding her hand, wearing a flower in my hair like it was the most normal thing in the world.

That’s the whole thing. That’s all of it.

What’s a last you didn’t know was a last until it was over?

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