The Secret to Finding a Hobby You Love? Be Willing to Suck

I started tennis at 38. When I was dragged to my first mixer, I was terrified of making a fool of myself. I know I'm not alone.

Recently, I met an energetic, clever young woman who is a runner and a puzzler. She works at a top management consulting firm, so ambitious to boot. She told me she went to one tennis lesson but decided it wasn’t for her because she “sucked.”

It got me thinking about how the hardest part of getting a hobby is persisting through the uncomfortable beginning.

In a world that pushes us to be the most optimized version of ourselves, it’s hard to overcome the fear of being bad at something, and even harder to persist through legit being bad at something. But if you want to discover the life-changing magic of hobbies, you will indeed, have to persevere through it.

Inside this post:

• Reframes to overcome the 4 most common obstacles to starting a hobby

• My case study in starting a hobby, everything I wish I knew about tennis as a beginner, and favorite gear for hot weather play

• For Paid Subscribers: Access to pilot our Hobby Persona Quiz—a project that’s been in the works for a year!!!

You’re probably right, and there may never be a time that you “have enough time.”

Coming to terms with this is step 1. Step 2 is starting anyway. That may mean slowing down in another area or saying no more often (even to things you want to do).

For the tightest of tight schedules, try:

• A microhobby.

  

• A hobby you can share with someone (your friend, partner, your kid).

• “Hobbystacking.” AKA a hobby that allows you to do something else you want or need to do like getting outside, moving your body, socializing.

• Cutting screen time (I’m sorry, but it’s true for 99% of us).

There are so many tasks in life that we strive to be “good” at. Isn’t it a relief to do something where no one expects anything from us? Give yourself the gift of a space where you can be the worst in the room without consequence.

A hobby is for enjoyment, relaxation, or personal interest, not for financial or professional gain. It is the one place in your life where you were allowed to be inefficient.

In practice, Do Not Disturb is your best friend. Being as unavailable as you can during hobby time gives your brain practice going Off Duty.

Perfect conditions, in which you “know” everything may never arise. Do not waste precious time that could be spent hobbying on watching other people hobby (by which I mean, watching gear review videos, pouring hours into research before starting, saving tutorial after tutorial). A little is okay, but then, start.

I wrote those reframes because I needed them when I was starting tennis. This hobby—the one I had to be dragged into—is now the love affair of my life.

I could point to the data that tennis boosts longevity more than other physical activities (10 years!), but what’s really important is that every time I step on the court, I experience euphoric joy.

Tennis absorbs my whole brain. Lose focus, miss the ball. It’s like electric shock therapy for learning how to be in the present moment. Over time, you’ll take that gift on and off the court.

An unexpected bonus: my tennis team has become a group of wonderful friends that I met in midlife.

As if it couldn’t get better, I am in the best shape of my life. As someone who doesn’t go to the gym or run or do burpees, being strong in my 40s is a welcome plot twist.

Most people start with lessons. It’s intuitive to think that you should start by meeting with a pro, but I’m going to be a contrarian. You are not going to be “good” after one lesson, so the best place to start is with a small group of beginners just like you. Seeing that other people suck just as much as you is more helpful and more fun.

I’m four years into tennis, and I still find lessons to be the part that feels most like work while the rest of it feels like fun.

Let’s break “getting started” into steps:

1. With 270,000 tennis courts in the US,

2. At the court, do just one private lesson so you can get access to beginner clinics or a team.

3. Your beginner clinic will dump you at the front door of match play at the lowest level, in as little as 3-6 months. Likely, you’ll be playing in a USTA league, which provides the infrastructure for teams of a similar level to play against together.

Tennis time is a privilege, and I fight hard to make sure it’s on my calendar. Ideally, I play 4 times a week. If I don’t, I become sad and bitter, and nobody in my family likes that version of me, so we cheer on each other’s hobby time.

My schedule looks like:

• Sunday match day

• Monday evening practice with my team (my husband’s team practices Tuesday, so we switch off hobby nights)

• Wednesday morning cardio

• Hitting session with my husband/son, or a friendly game with girlfriends

That’s the minimum - sometimes I add a cardio tennis or two.

You don’t need perfect gear to start, but after four years, I have favorites.

Socks: You can’t wear regular socks; you’ll get blisters. Many players splurge on these. I’m cheap, so I buy these (although I do replace after a year).

Shoes: Go to a local tennis store or a pro shop and get fitted. I have a wider foot, and the K-Swiss gives me the right support. Once you find a shoe that works, do not flit around.

Racket: I’m not a product junkie! But some of my tennis teammates totally are. I found a racket that works and have stuck with it (I carry 2 rackets in case the strings pop). Doing product research feels like work to me but is fun for others, so know thyself.

• A fun poppy red: size up one.

• Scalloped navy: a 3-year-old Amazon find that’s still going strong.

• Crowdsourced favorites: comes in short and long lengths / 5-stars only.

• This is the most worn skirt on my team across body sizes/heights.

• Value buys: If you’re 5’6 or taller, this. I’m 5’3 and have this in 4 colors.

• Green gingham: Tuckernuck does tennis very well.

• Striped waistband: see above! The slit gives me extra movement for singles.

• And the white version bc I love so much I own both. Matching tank.

• Crowdsourced favorites: Lulu quality holds up for tennis (size up 1) / Nike Dri Fit in a bold color.

• Mesh tank: good for the hottest of hot days.

• Twist tank: made with cooling fabric. This is my fave.

• Green tank: another cooling tech top that comes in many colors.

• Crowdsourced favorites: for a polo tank / $21 activewear tee.

PS - if you love tennis and style, check out the newsletter Tennisette by my friend Amelia Wilson.

This post does contain affiliate links and I may earn a commission if you make a purchase through these links. That supports the work we do, so thank you!

Maybe you’re early in your hobby journey and still trying to decide what you’d like to try. Maybe you have 100 hobbies and are looking for 101.

Either way, I’m so excited to invite you to beta test something we’ve been working on for a long time: The Hobby Persona Quiz.

I firmly believe there’s a hobbyist inside of each of us, and our inner hobbyists crave different things depending on our unique experience of daily life.

After hundreds of coding hours… I’m so excited to share it with you and hear what you think.

The 10-question quiz will match you with your Hobby Persona and a list of personalized hobby recommendations, taking into account everything from how you feel on your hardest day to forgotten childhood joys to the place your mind goes when it wanders.