It’s week 5 in Denmark, and by now we’ve adapted—or at least observed—the Danish norms. We’re working shorter hours, using the kitchen appliances correctly, and appreciating the fashion. Most exciting of all, I’ve finally conquered the left turn via bike that had me stumped for several weeks (thank you to the person who suggested I practice on Sunday AM when bike lanes aren’t as crowded).
There are a few things, though, that make me feel deeply American. Moments where I can feel my own foreignness. That feeling is as fascinating to me as the observations I’m making about Danish culture because it allows me to see more clearly what our own nation values.
This is absolutely one of the things that makes us stick out, and it allows me to locate any other American in the vicinity. I hear them, then I see them. I shared this on IG, and it sparked a fascinating 57 comment-long discussion about why Americans are so loud; which you are welcome to rabbit-hole into.
Here are 4 of the hypotheses:
The American dialect has more “twang” to it, so we naturally sound louder, even when we don’t mean to (can any linguists confirm?). I was interviewed for a Danish news outlet and my interviewer confirmed that when she speaks English (which was so perfect I thought she was Canadian not Danish) she can hear her volume escalate.
Americans who live in car-centric cities spend less time in shared spaces (true in some places, but not everywhere!) so we don’t have as much awareness that not everyone in a public space wants to hear our conversation.
We have larger houses, so we have to speak louder to be heard across the room (this one made me laugh).
Culturally, we don’t take issue with standing out from the crowd so we don’t care if we are loud.
What say you: which of these 4 do you think explains our volume?We’ve made a tiny bit of progress on our Danish voices but the other day when I took a phone call Chris looked at me with disdain and said “that’s not a Danish voice.”
Saying you’re stressed is a problem here, not a statement of pride. From a Danish economist: “For someone to say ‘I’m stressed’ is a very serious statement and one that must be solved.”
Sharing that you’re stressed, especially if it’s chronic, sets off alarm bells. There is even “stress leave” for employees to prevent total burnout; like sick leave, you receive a doctor’s note and take several weeks off from work until you’re healthy to return. Typically, the doctor recommends you take lots of walks and do hobbies.
I knew this! And still when I ran into a colleague and she asked how I was, I heard the words leave my mouth and as soon as they did I knew it felt wrong.
If you want to understand why Danes have shorter work hours, look no further than this sign that was all over the CBS office I worked out of: Is it a good meeting for all? If you zoom in on the sign, you’’ll see it also reminds people “don’t talk for too long”. Every time I saw it, I was reminded that my American default for working through any problem is to schedule a meeting–and I say that as someone who is hyper aware that we have too many meetings. Oops.
Everywhere I’ve lived in the States, whether it’s by a pool or beach or a boat, glass is a huge no-no. Bare feet could step on any that breaks, and if it gets in a pool, the whole thing will have to be drained. But when I mention this to Danes, they have no idea what I’m talking about.
This is one of the ways Danish society trusts adults to be adults (that, and it’s not a litigious society). There aren’t signs by the canals telling you to be careful, slow down, not use glass, etc. There are many edges without barriers or warning signs.
Stand in any line in America and everyone is staring at their phones. That’s just not happening here. In a train car, sometimes, but at the check out line at the grocery store? It’s just me (please picture my mortified face).
At the end of a meal, I’m always searching for our check, whereas the Danes are lingering.
Any time I meet with a Dane, I imagine they have a tight calendar like me, and that their punctuality extends to being on time and ending on time, but no. If it’s a social meeting, they never ever end the gathering.
As much as hobbies have changed me, I feel uniquely American in my level of antsiness compared to a Dane. I’m on a journey…I can share that I’ve stopped looking at my phone while standing in line at the grocery store.
Yes, I’m embarrassed. And sometimes they’re closed at hours I think they should be open, and I find myself getting annoyed.
My work days have been a short 6 hours long, and while we are having so much fun, I cannot shake the feeling of being “behind.” At 3 PM, there’s so many bodies laying out on the canals, that Chris often says, “Look the seals are out!” I don’t think the seals are experiencing work guilt…
No one is concerned about being “seen” when changing into their swimsuit in public, whether under a towel or just out in the open. There are naked kids on the beach and topless women at the canals.
A Danish attorney I interviewed told me she loves meeting American women at her gym and seeing how they start out huddling in a corner to change in secret, and within a year they’re strutting around naked, too. Your body, your rules always—but interesting how culture can change our norms.
It turns out that I’m American in ways that I never would have noticed until Denmark made me notice. That’s the power of ricocheting off of another culture.
The bigger takeaway for me, though, is that the ideas and assumptions I hold aren’t “just the way things are” but a result of a specific set of cultural norms, behaviors, and beliefs.
When it comes to importing the best of Denmark back to the US (hobbies, work/life balance, hygge), which is my ultimate goal in being here, I find that extremely hopeful:
we can create new norms.
Your turn: what’s something you only realized about your own culture by seeing it juxtaposed with another?
Your friend,
There’s something undeniably cool about the women of Copenhagen and how they approach style. The choices are fun, they look like they feel good, and no one is overthinking it. Turns out you love CPH style just as much as I do. Full post below, but if you want to catch the greatest hits, these are our community’s top 7 favorites (yes, 5 of the 7 were a loose dress!):
Tuckernuck Sunset Stripe Dress: a perfect loose maxi.
Faherty Coastal Poplin: 100% organic cotton poplin + stacked sale (was $198, now $90).
Tuckernuck 100% linen: the ric rac straps!
Green stripe shirtdress: belt it, or don’t.
Left on Friday shirt dress: works as coverup and dress.
GAP UltraSoft Baggy Jeans: under $75.
Accessories: the Margaux Louisa Loafer (still on sale!), these simple gold hoops, and the best bra solution for backless tops were your favorites.
PS - Today’s post is part 6 of my Summer in Denmark series. Read more here:
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