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We are surrounded by rules. Mostly adopted from everywhere and everyone. Most of them are inherited moral ethics. And system rules for many areas of life. But they work. And keep everyone safe. Life functions better with functional rules. They quickly become our adopted rules.
Our heuristics (mental shortcuts). They become our filters. And help us move fast. But they can also distort reality. Heuristics are not absolutes. Especially those on how to live. Daniel Kahneman, a psychologist best known for his work on the psychology of judgment studied these shortcuts. In his book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow,” he explains how our minds rely on heuristics.
He observed rules simplify life but can mislead us. “By their very nature, heuristic shortcuts will produce biases,” Kahneman said.
Rules give us a sense of order. And reduce uncertainty. But the one thing I know is this: my rules on how to live are not absolute truths. And sometimes, we forget that. We start to think our way is the only way. We hold onto our beliefs. We judge others who do things differently. And close ourselves off to new possibilities. And that’s where the trouble starts.
I use questions like “Why do I believe this? Where did this rule come from? Is it really the only way to see things?” and Does this rule still serve me? to help me find the best adopted rules for life. How often have you heard someone say, “That’s just the way it is”? Or “That’s how we’ve always done it”?
Perfect signs of mistaking rules for absolute truths.
It’s like that quote by the philosopher John Stuart Mill: “He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them. But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion…”
We get stuck in our own little worlds.
We lose sight of the bigger picture. Take science, for example. For centuries, people believed the Earth was flat. It was a rule. It was “common sense.” But then, some brave souls dared to question that rule. They started asking questions and discovered the Earth was actually round.
Another classic example of adopted truth is social progress.
There were rules about who could vote, who could marry, and who could own property. Those rules were based on prejudice and discrimination. But people fought to change them. They challenged the status quo. They expanded our understanding of equality and justice.
Even in our personal lives, we can get trapped by rules.
Maybe you were taught religious rules were the way to a good life. Or what we learn in formal education is the only reality for your best life. You can define a “good life” on your own terms. Rules are meant to serve us, not to confine us. Don’t mistake them for absolute truths.
It’s okay to outgrow certain rules.
It’s a sign of learning. It’s a sign of evolving. I think of some rules of life as tools, not truths, especially when it comes tothe direction of my life. It takes away the pressure of living a specific lifestyle. And the freedom to experiment and adapt.
It’s like having a toolbox full of options instead of being stuck with a single, rigid instruction manual. I like to figure things out for myself. And just like with tools, some rules are more useful than others depending on the task. “Hard work always pays off,” is a classic rule.
And it has served me well in many ways.
But I’ve also learned that sometimes hard work alone isn’t enough. Sometimes you need to be in the right place at the right time. Sometimes you need a bit of luck. So now, I think of “hard work” as a tool. It’s a valuable tool, for sure. But it’s not the only tool in my box.
I’m always learning how to live.
All life is error correction.
And that means trying to be a little wiser today than I was yesterday. And adjusting my behaviour accordingly. I like investor and philanthropist Charlie Munger’s approach to life. He says you need a toolbox of different ideas and perspectives to live your best life.
You can’t rely on just one or two rules.
“You must know the big ideas in the big disciplines and use them routinely — all of them, not just a few, Most people are trained in one model — economics, for example — and try to solve all problems in one way. You know the old saying: ‘To the man with a hammer, the world looks like a nail.’ This is a dumb way of handling problems,” notes Munger. “I had an early and extreme multidisciplinary cast of mind. I couldn’t stand reaching for a small idea in my own discipline when there was a big idea right over the fence in somebody else’s discipline,” he said.
The point is, life complicated.
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. You have to be willing to question what you think to be the only reality. Ask. Unlearn. Rebuild. Make your own rules. Based on awareness. Based on your truth. That’s how we stay free. As Munger says, “Go to bed smarter than when you woke up.” Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep challenging your own beliefs.
That’s how you find your own truth.
There are no absolute facts: but a mix of opinions, judgements, stories, memories, theories and interpretations. Life is just a collection of different perspectives. What’s true for you may not be true for me. Once you let go of the need for absolute truths, you open yourself up to a world of possibilities.
It applies everywhere.
Take relationships. We judge people based on our own experiences. “They should have done this,” or “I’d never do that.” But everyone has their own stories, fears, and perspectives. When you accept that, you stop needing people to fit your version of the truth.
What’s true for me might not be true for you.
That’s what makes it interesting — and frustrating. But once you let go of needing absolute truths, something amazing happens. You open yourself up to new ideas. You start to see the world differently. You grow.
How do you apply this to your life?
Stay curious. Read things you disagree with. Talk to people with different opinions. Listen more. You don’t have to agree with everyone, but you might learn something. Be okay with changing your mind.
Life isn’t black and white.
It’s shades of grey.
Not everything that feels right is right. And not everything that feels wrong is wrong. Truth takes more than mental heuristics. It takes attention. It takes humility. It takes unlearning. That’s how I stay honest – with myself and others.
That’s how I stay human.
“There are no facts, only interpretations.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
Nietzsche’s Most Terrifying Mental Exercise Will Force You to Rethink Your Entire Life
In his own words, it’s “the heaviest thought” anyone can bear. I have tried it and it took me a while to make complete sense of it. In 1882, philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche revealed the “eternal recurrence.” A psychological mirror for life that forces you to look at how you live right now.
About me: I’m Thomas. My essays cross between productivity, philosophy, psychology. I also write a Fast Company column on smarter living. My readers include intellectually curious people from Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Salesforce, LinkedIn, Apple, BBC, HubSpot and Morning Brew.
Postanly Weekly is a reader-supported newsletter. To support my work, you can upgrade to a paid subscription for $9 per month or $60 for an entire year. There’s so much more for paid subscribers in 2026.
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