Welcome to our February newsletter! This month is about learning how to work with your brain instead of against it. Progress doesn’t have to be perfect to count. If you’re here, you’re engaged. Read what resonates, skip what doesn’t, share if it’s helpful, and use this as a reminder that small steps still move you forward. Thanks for reading! Subscribe for free to receive new posts.
By Jennifer Litvak, MS, AACC, ACC
A step-by-step guide to working with your brain instead of against it.
If you have ADHD, chances are you’ve spent years being told some version of the same message:
“Try harder.”
“Be more disciplined.”
“Why can’t you just do it like everyone else?”
Over time, those messages don’t just feel frustrating. They shape how you see yourself and how you relate to your own brain.
A positive relationship with your ADHD brain is not about pretending challenges don’t exist. It’s about shifting from self-blame to self-understanding, and from forcing strategies to designing supports.
Here’s how to start:
Your brain has patterns.
You are not the pattern.
ADHD affects:
Attention regulation
Task initiation
Working memory
Emotional intensity
Energy consistency
It does not define your intelligence, effort, values, or potential.
Try this reframe:
Instead of “What’s wrong with me?” ask
→ “What does my brain need to do this task?”
This single shift moves you from shame into problem-solving.
Many people with ADHD talk to themselves in ways they would never talk to a friend.
Examples:
“I’m lazy.”
“I always mess this up.”
“I should be better by now.”
Self-criticism shuts down the brain’s ability to plan and initiate. Curiosity opens it.
Swap judgment for questions:
“What made this harder today?”
“Where did my energy drop?”
“What part of this task overloaded me?”
Curiosity creates data. Data creates better strategies.
ADHD brains are not linear.
Your focus, motivation, and stamina will fluctuate.
The mistake is building systems that only work on “good brain days.”
Support your brain by:
Breaking tasks into starter steps, not full outcomes.
Using external reminders instead of relying on memory.
Planning lighter days after heavy cognitive load.
Having “low-energy versions” of important routines.
A positive relationship means designing for reality, not perfection.
ADHD brains work best when less is stored internally.
Instead of keeping everything “in your head,” move it out:
Whiteboards
Sticky notes
Visual checklists
Timers
Written decision rules
This isn’t a weakness. It’s an accommodation.
Rule of thumb:
If something matters, it should live outside your brain.
Many people with ADHD don’t trust themselves. That distrust often comes from setting goals that were too big, too vague, or too rigid.
Rebuild trust by:
Setting small, achievable commitments
Ending days with “What did work today?”
Measuring progress by effort and adaptation, not outcomes alone.
Consistency comes from successful experiences, not pressure.
ADHD often comes with strengths like:
Creativity
Big-picture thinking
Hyperfocus
Empathy
Problem-solving under pressure
But these strengths can turn into traps when you expect them to carry everything.
Example:
“I’m creative, so I shouldn’t need structure.”
“I work best under pressure, so I’ll wait.”
A healthy relationship means supporting your strengths with structure, not forcing them to compensate for everything else.
Some days will still be hard.
That does not mean you’re failing.
On those days:
Narrow the plan
Reduce demands
Focus on regulation before productivity
Speak to yourself the way you would to someone you care about
A positive relationship with your brain shows up most clearly when things don’t go well.
➡️ If you're new to Positive Approach or returning after April 2025, we invite you to schedule a FREE consultation using this link below.
Let’s grow together this next year!
Jenn Litvak
Founder, Positive Approach Coaching
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