How are we to feel about the really rather incredibly imminent return of Harry and Meghan?
Thrilled?
Relieved?
Emosh?
Just giddy about her return to acting via a prospective role in Guy Ritchie’s (saucy, violent and VERY sweary) The Gentlemen?
Tenterhooks re the nature of gainful employ he’ll be seeking, when back in the ‘hood? Anxious to know how they’ll slot back in to the Royal universe, given all the water, under the bridge?
Or… you know… not?
More: faintly exhausted by the endless chaotic machinations, the comings and the goings and swearing they can’t possible return because of the security sitch only they did anyway, because… Well. Theories abound.
It all slightly reminded me of those scenes in Barbie, when everyone keeps running back and forth between the real world and Barbie’s world, with no clear motive, and you lose the will to care quite quickly.
Because the thing with them is, the overriding sense for me, anyway:
I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT FROM US!
Do you?
Does anyone?
I mean, it’s definitely something. And it does seem to change pretty regularly. But WHAT IS IT?
Initially, I’m (pretty) sure it was: to leave them alone. Wasn’t it? Let them flourish and grow and LOVE and raise a family and be private and happy and… fine!
Could not have supported that more! Brilliant idea, and smart! DO IT!
But then, pretty soon afterwards, it seemed like, they wanted that - but also to be financially viable, though only in the nice ways, and also to be, like, a bit famous? Because being famous deffo helps with the financial viability (*nice variant only), though also?
With that whole other thing - about being widely adored.
It is quite hard to be very private, and very widely adored, I find.
So, OK: we were to leave them alone but also, adore them. Love and admire them and so forth, treat them like they’re royal. Even though technically - they’re not, not entirely, not by the standard definitions - and DEFINITELY not Working.
But we should use their titles and think they’re great, and not be dragging up any former surnames, and generally ADORE ADORE ADORE though definitely, you know: from afar.
But then, after that… We were suddenly supposed to find them “relatable”?
I think still “from afar”?
So: relatable - but from afar?
Admire them, for their modern outlook! Feel connected to them, via their Instagram-perfect eternal sun- shining Soho House-y lifestyle which wasn’t at all stuffed shirts and satin sashes and overheated pomp and regalia and smelly palaces, no! It was high end and glossy but wholesome and chill. It was chickens and dresses and bare foot steps on expensive earth.
But from afar.
Ah - but hang on, because we were to pity them, too! Yes, they had a lovely expensive Put THAT On The Main Grid, H! sort of a life, which was better than ours (*a lot), but also: they had suffered.
And we were to be sad for them. We had to Think About Our Own Part in their sadness, how culpable we were in it.
While also, envying them, for the Instagram perfect eternal sun-shining.
Oh - and admiring them, for overcoming. For rising up.
And making jam.
Which we were supposed to buy.
Along with all the products they shilled. The podcasts, the affiliate-linked clothing, the earth-scorching autobiographies, all of it!
BUY BUY BUY!
And then, feel angry, on their behalf, because they were STILL denied security rights in the UK; and angrier yet, on Harry’s behalf, when he lost his fight, the last stand of his lifelong crusade against the tabloid press, in the courts. (Maybe we should crowdfund his costs?) But then? Excited because they went to see the King; then awwwww! Impressed (and a little jelly) about how beautiful and blissful they loomed (*that was meant to read “looked” but I’m wondering if my typo makes it better?) on their hols in Portugal.
And no! It’s not “Duchess” any more, it’s plain old (relatable) “Oh, call me Meghan!” (as of Australian Masterchef), and Harry seems to be resuming his ol’ rogue fun prince charmer role on the Joe Marler podcast, and…
It is quite a lot, isn’t it? Relentless, one might say. Yet I am still none the wiser re WHAT THEY WANT FROM US, truly; and they’re IR (Imminent Return) is beginning to take on the flavour of a drop-in from an extremely difficult relative and William and Kate have still to comment and is it just me, or, sometimes, does it feel a bit like they’re using us?
Somehow?
For something?
I dunno.
Anyway.
Good luck with that, everyone!
To arguably more important things:
Our necks, and what the hell we’re to do about them.
Actually, I’ve recently done something to mine AND IT’S RATHER GOOD.
I would say, before I go any further, that it’s important to remember, no other f**ker on this planet is as harsh about your neck, as you are, about your own. YEAH it’s one of the first parts of us to show a little age, it being literally thinner skinned than our faces, and it being put through its paces in the course of a life, with all the moving around, supporting of an entire head and so forth. But no one else notices or cares, in the way we ourselves do.
Also? The mechanism of selfies often means we think it’s much worse than it is, anyway. Holding your phone and extending your arm smushes your neck up and catches it at the worst of all possible angles… Get someone else to take your selfies, or get a selfie stick (so 2016!) and you will see what I mean.
But:
I did have some new work done on mine quite recently, and I am really happy with how it’s turned out.
I’ve said it a gazillion times before but… It is so important, when embarking upon the tweakment process, to find a doctor you trust and respect. Dr Kersh at 23MD is mine; she is as subtle and careful as anyone could be, she’ll always do a little less, wait, then correct with just the tiniest but more, if necessary - and I trust her implicitly. I’ve been seeing her - for everything from Botox to EmFace via fillers, which she does extremely well - for about seven years now, I have never been anything other than delighted with her work, never not offered up my face to her needles, with complete confidence.
So, when Dr Kersh proposed injecting the skin on my neck with
Coming up: exactly what I did to get a fresher looking neck
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