Comfort zones

First up apologies for the quietness on here, I’ve been working hard on a new picture book that has dragged me kicking and screaming from my comfort zones, I’ve felt a bit topsy turvy like this kid, but…

… now I can look back and see how good it has been to go through. You see I wrote a story, made it a dummy book with ‘sort of’ detailed rough drawings not thinking about ‘style’ or final artwork. I bashed this dummy out for my agent James Catchpole to read aloud in his submission meetings and get it through the first hurdle, not worrying about the next stage.

I really wasn’t thinking ahead or much to be honest, as a family we’d just been through a seismic helter skelter time, where the sands beneath all our feet shifted. As a way of coping, I retreated to my studio writing and drawing solidly for 6 weeks. And from this difficult time, where I switched off and just drew/wrote, I created a picture book that proved to be very popular with four big publishers. They loved it’s emotion, it’s authenticity and they loved the rough drawings. Hang on, I said, those were just roughs, I already had a ‘style’ which I’d nailed with my previous book Just The Two Of Us. It had taken me weeks to develop it and I rather liked it, it felt safe and fun.

However when I went for a meeting with my new publisher Puffin, they tapped the roughs and said this is what they wanted, what they had bought. I was quietly gobsmacked.

But thank goodness they did as they saw what I couldn’t… authenticity and energy. Because it’s how I draw when I switch off, it’s not something I’ve developed it’s just how I draw, have drawn for years and years, mostly for myself and roughs. It’s not contrived or complicated, it’s not trying to be something it isn’t, it just flows from my hand, usually when listening to music or a podcast and a magic happens. Much like this little witch below, drawn when I was switching off.

But here’s the thing, I found it very hard to recreate these roughs as artwork. I really struggled, I had melt downs, I clung to my comfort zones, deviated and tried to bring back familiar ways of working from my past but what I created was awful, it had no soul or energy. It took my good friend, illustrator Suzanna Hubbard and my creative sister Kate to talk me down, listen to my woes and basically sort me out. It took an amazing art director to hold my hand through this process and say you’re getting there. Thank you Monica and the amazing Puffin team for seeing what needed to be given life and enabling it’s first breath. It feels exciting now and not overwhelming. In many ways this strife has brought about a seismic creative shift to match the one in our family. And both ultimately had positive outcomes of growth. Funny that.

And now I’ve come out of this struggle with myself and my self imposed creative identity which was limiting me. Making the artwork is a joy and it shows. I look back at those comfort zone busting months, incredulous at my self doubt, self sabotage, angst and stubbornness. But mostly how controlling I was with myself.

The moral of this story is, embrace moving out of comfort zones - every time I have I’ve always grown, whilst not always easy, I’ve found something positive and good.

I’d love to show my roughs but everything is under wraps for a loooong time. Expect atmospheric scenes, loose lines and lots of charcoal-ish mark making. I’m glad I had to open a new door and find the magic.

Enjoy the rest of the summer. Polly X

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