"catcalling is a compliment"

The first time I was catcalled was with my mum, walking down the street. I’m used to vans beeping at me and knowing it’s usually my friend’s dad so I thought this was the same. They beeped at us and I stupidly waved, oblivious to the world of catcalling. My mum then told me that you shouldn’t wave without looking, but I always assumed it was someone I knew and cars go so fast that sometimes I don’t have time to wonder if I know them. But the van wasn’t owned by anyone that we knew. It was just some men tryna get our attention.

The second time it happened was at our school, where some boys shouted something about my mum as she was walking past. Some sexualising comment, and I asked her why they would say something like that, but she told me it was best to just ignore it.

I don’t remember the first time that I got catcalled alone, but I know it happened so much in my teens. Always down my road, even though it was only a seven-minute walk to my destination. Men would always beep, stare me down, shout something out the window or from their bike. They’ve commented on my body, objectified me, called me sexy, and other names. The list goes on.

Anytime it happens, I’ve learnt to ignore it just as my mum told me. I never wanted anything to escalate, and most of the time I pretend that I don’t hear it. When I’m wearing headphones, it’s easier to pretend. I don’t even look anymore. I don’t give them attention. I don’t acknowledge it. When it happens, I learn to brush if off and try to erase it from my memory like it never happened.

When I leave the house, I never think about whether I’ll get catcalled in an outfit. None of the outfits that I wear in public are revealing anyway, unless I’m going to the club. But this isn’t about that. And even if it was, catcalling isn’t okay.

One time I was walking down the street and a car full of guys drove past me. I assumed that they went to my university because they seemed to be my age. Something that I didn’t expect was for them to honk at me, but they did. They honked at me, and that was my first time being catcalled by guys my age. I didn’t know that was only the start. It was startling. I wanted to cry. This time it wasn’t grown men, it was students.

Going to my university campus, I usually safe because I know I won’t get catcalled there. I don’t need to worry about what I’m wearing, and I can wear a dress if I like. Even in the library, I can wear whatever I want without a care in the world. This made me forget about the real world for a minute. I forgot that the world exists outside my campus because that’s always just where I am. Home, campus and then back home again. That’s my usual routine.

However, on Valentine’s Day, I was getting ready to go on a hike with my friends and I was so excited. It was a lovely, sunny day and I was happy to have a day full of celebration. I was doing my makeup and wanted to wear the sweater that my boyfriend got me for Christmas. It was the cutest sweater ever and I matched it with a black skirt and black tights. Cutest fit ever. I looked and felt so hot, and I was so ready to have a good day. Wearing a cute outfit and dressing up for cute plans with my girls is my favourite thing in the world.

Of course, something had to ruin my mood. When I left the house, I remembered that I was walking in the actual town, and not just through campus. I cannot tell you how many men were staring me down and smirking at me, looking me up and down and honking their cars at me. It was ridiculous. It was 7am in the morning and I wanted to go home and crawl under my bedsheets. I forgot the consequences that come with being a woman who is finally feeling herself. I felt so uncomfortable and insecure, so I called my sister and then at least I could have someone to talk to whilst walking. I was telling her about all the encounters that I had on this walk, and someone else just beeped at me whilst I was on the phone to her. I instantly regretted the outfit choice even though I felt hot. My mood was immediately killed by these grown men thinking that it’s okay to objectify me on the streets. And the fact that I could not do anything pissed me off. I wanted to swear at them, but it catches me off guard every single time.

Another time, I was running with the girls at my university, and we got catcalled by some car, which happens a lot. They drove past, honked and said something out their window and that was the only time that I felt comfortable enough to swear at them because I was with people. I was so annoyed, but then some girls drove past and they cheered us on. There’s a different between objectifying girls on a run and cheering them on, and we can tell the difference.

When me and my friend were walking home from the club, we got whistled at by some white men walking past us. They said something about us looking sexy, and my friend snapped back at them, and they got mad that we didn’t take their objectification as a compliment. They were mad that we didn’t smile and thank them for their words. I was honestly so scared when she responded because I thought they’d get mad and do something, but they just said some other stupid stuff and watched us walk the whole way down the street. Still, they had no right to expect us to be happy about their objectification of us. Middle-aged men vs university students BTW.

Upon telling my friends some encounters that I have experienced, they have also shared their stories with me. One of my friends told me that she was approached by a white middle-aged man whilst walking home from college, at 17 years old. He stopped and felt the need to tell her that she’s very pretty and that he would love to take her out on a date, to which she obviously declined. Another friend told me that it doesn’t matter if she is alone or with someone, but every time she bends down to tie her shoelaces, she will get beeped at. This isn’t even a one-time occurrence, but constant. Something about having her ass in the air makes men feel entitled to let her know that they are sexualising her.

Me and my friend were talking about how men think that catcalling is a compliment and when you tell your male friends or family about an experience, they usually don’t understand why we aren’t happy about someone “complimenting” the way that we look. I’ve spoken to many men about this, and a lot of them say that they would love it if the roles were reversed. One said they were “catcalled” by an elderly woman, and they loved the fact that someone older was attracted to them. I’ve heard many guys say that being catcalled is a compliment and that I should be happy about it because it means that I’m hot.

When I started dating my boyfriend, he didn’t even know what catcalling was. He didn’t know that men beep at girls, or shout something at them through the windows. I told him that someone beeped at me on my way to his house, and he asked whether I was in the way of the road or something. Even my brother and my dad are oblivious to it.

The whole way home, I was beeped at and there was nothing about me to beep at. That’s proof that it doesn’t matter how you dress or what makeup you’re wearing or any of that, they find a reason or they just do it for fun. The fifth time, I was beeped at three times before I turned to look and then I realised that it was my dad driving past. He stopped to give me a ride home and he always tells me to be alert about what’s happening around me, so he wondered why I didn’t turn to look where the sound was coming from. I had to tell him that so many other cars had already done the same thing, and so I just gave up looking at them.

My sister was telling me that she had the same conversation with my brother. He shamed her for not being alert at noticing him when she didn’t even know he was going to be in the area, but we are conditioned to stop looking at men. Anytime I’m with my friends and I’m looking at the people in the cars driving past, I always see men staring us down and smirking in their cars. And, after seeing one man in one car, I begin to be aware of them all. Suddenly, I realise that they are all staring us down for no reason. Just because they see young, attractive girls walking down the street.

Maybe the men who don’t understand why we don’t take it as a compliment also don’t understand the reality of the world. If the roles were reversed, it still isn’t the same. When/ if men are catcalled, they do not fear that the woman is going to attack them. They do not fear that something will escalate. They do not fear that things will be worse from this. Maybe it’s different because women are taught that catcalling is just the start and easily develops into something harmful.

To nearly all women around the world, catcalling is not a compliment. Men do not catcall to tell you that you are pretty. Catcalling is harmful and it usually leads to much worse. Being catcalled anyway is not fun, and it also leads to violence and sexual assault. After being catcalled, we are unable to be relax and have to constantly be alert of our surroundings. If it was a compliment, we wouldn’t feel this way. Compliments are supposed to make you feel safe and happy, but catcalling does the opposite. It is the sexualisation of women’s bodies who are trying to do nothing but walk, run or cycle through the street without demanding attention. It does not feel safe to have men yell at you through their windows or constantly comment on your body. It is not flattering to hear random men call you sexy or talk about your ass or any part of your body. Thus, the men who think it is a compliment have got it wrong.

And, most men know that it isn’t a compliment. They do it to show us that they are in charge. They do it because they have the power to do it and know that there are no consequences for it. We can’t do anything. It’s fun for catcallers to be able to degrade women into just objects of their desire and attraction. That’s what catcalling is. It is not a “I just wanted to say you’re very pretty,” but instead it’s a way of these men showing us that they believe they are entitled to look at and comment on our bodies whenever they want. It’s the sexist act of men still thinking they have a right over women and their bodies.

Catcalling is not okay, and it never will be.

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