Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney’s trade negotiators today issued a counterproposal to the American pseudopresident’s doofuses charged with destroying the nation’s leading position in the global economy.
In reaction to the U.S.’s 11th-hour demand that Canada curtail promotion of Canadian and French-language “content in online streaming services and even mandatory [package] labeling in French,” Carney’s artful dealmakers said “Sure, why not?”—as long as America …
Bans public vocalization of the deep-South drawl, which Canadian practitioners of the Queen’s English say they can’t understand when spoken;
Ceases airing the linguistic and cultural abomination “Duck Dynasty,” and burns all warehoused videos thereof;
Adopts mandatory ballot labels which note that “Voting Republican is dangerous to your health.”
Commenting on Canada’s fresh offer, Quebec Premier Christine Fréchette stressed that “Our culture, our language was central to our identity and it was once important to exclude that from the negotiation table.”
“Yet,” added Fréchette, “the killing off of Duck Dynasty’s poisonous international syndication and establishing an official U.S. policy of ‘Just say no to Republicanism’ would be a radical but fair trade-off.”
Asked for its comment on Canada’s counterproposal, the White House said it would it would issue a statement as soon as someone reads the document to Trump.
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