PickleGlitch

What be a billionaire?

An alliterative prose poem

Memo: Sun Jul 26 2026

Have you committed any thought crimes today? If so, be sure to report yourself to the appropriate authorities.

Memo: Thu Jul 23 2026

Has anyone heard of this new movie called The Odyssey? I’m thinking of seeing it but I can’t find any information about it anywhere. Oh well, it’s probably not playing near me anyway.

Memo: Thu Jul 23 2026

The biggest threat to American, indeed to the whole of civilization, is the failure to deposit 1.5 trillion dollars directly into my bank account. Trust me, I really need it.

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

I talk about national politics, by I also take action at the local level. I mean, super local. Okay, it’s my living room.

Unfit to breathe

Network will turn 50 years old later this year. I'll be posting my review then, but for now this feels very timely.

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

What are these "uncs" I keep hearing about? Is that a new brand of fuzzy boots for men?

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

Spoiler alert: The Odyssey is really just a nearly 3-hour condom commercial.

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

Today’s word is effluviant. As in, Donald Trump is an effluviant windbag.

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

The midterms won't save us. The only thing that will save us is a really smart think piece here on Substack, or perhaps the perfect meme.

Memo: Sat Jul 18 2026

I’m already really tired of hearing about The Odyssey.

Memo: Fri Jul 17 2026

The sky has a real Highlander 2 vibe right now.

Memo: Wed Jul 15 2026

Food is sentient, but that's okay because it wants us to eat it. It also has psychic powers, which it uses to make us WANT to eat it, even though we would normally not want to. Junk food has the most powerful psychic powers of all. Ozempic works by disrupting junk food's corrupting psychic power.

American Snowflake

Memo: Fri Jul 10 2026

It is your duty, as an employee, to do the lease amount of work possible for the maximum amount of gain. Is that not one of the guiding principles of capitalism? Do the bare minimum it takes to advance to the position you want, then do the bare minimum it takes to keep that position. Do not give them a penny’s worth of labor more than you have to to get what you want.

Memo: Fri Jul 10 2026

Some of you have never had a future version of yourself come back in time to try and stop you, and it shows.

Memo: Wed Jul 08 2026

The US soccer team didn’t actually lose, those were antifa shape shifters, pretending to be the US soccer team.

Memo: Sun Jul 05 2026

I'm proud to say that if someone put a gun to my head and demanded I name a single Taylor Swift song, I would end up with a bullet in my skull.

Memo: Thu Jul 02 2026

I remember the first time I really began to understand the true nature of capitalism. I was sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room and, like every doctor’s office I’ve ever been in, they had TVs playing HGTV on a wall-mounted TV. It was one of those house hunter shows, the kind where the husband is a professional mosquito trainer and the wife teaches philately to underprivileged shelter…

Memo: Thu Jul 02 2026

This 4th of July, I think we should officially recognize that shouting into the void has replaced baseball as America's national pastime.

Now That's What I Call Freedom!

What does Freedom even mean?

Memo: Sat Jun 27 2026

Sometimes I have too many thoughts at once and I can’t keep track of them. I think this is why I’m compelled to write.

Memo: Mon Jun 15 2026

When I'm really depressed, writing is also the only surefire way I've found to escape the downward spiral. That is also the time when I find it most difficult to start writing. I hate my brain sometimes.

Memo: Thu Jun 11 2026

Any economic system that makes a moron like Elon Musk the world's first trillionaire is fundamentally broken and should be taken out behind the shed and put out of its misery.

Memo: Mon Jun 01 2026

You know, I'm getting really sick of the linear progression of time.