Home Improvements

The problem you want to solve might not be the problem you need to solve

WHEN THE CONSTRUCTION CREW pulled into Otto Lillesind’s driveway, no one bothered to look twice. The man added a new patio, or a garage extension every year or so, transforming a small cottage on the corner of Bastion Street into a Mid-Victorian, Edwardian, rustic ranch house with American flags flying from all four corners. In short, everyone thought of Otto as a right-wing crank.

Nor did folks show more curiosity when the crew laid bricks to build a wall around the property’s perimeter. Little remained on the house or in the yard for Otto to build on. The comments and conjecture started, however, when the height of the wall exceeded that of the house. Still, no one thought about it too much until he embedded razor wire running the length of the wall.

The Claymore mines along the base proved too much. His neighbor Jensen caught him one morning when his gate was open and his Hummer idling in the driveway. “I’ve always appreciated the upgrades, Otto, but haven’t you taken this too far?”

Nor did folks show more curiosity when the construction crew laid bricks to build a wall around the property’s perimeter. Little remained on his house or in the yard for Otto to build on.

Otto loaded two AK-47s into the passenger seat. “Just following the example of our real President, Jensen buddy. Just cause Biden can’t defend the nation’s borders, it don’t mean I can’t defend mine.”

“Against?”

“Don’t know if you noticed, but immigrants have invaded our little neighborhood. We got three Asians, six Mexicans, and two Africans moved in since 2020. I gotta cover my ass.”

Jensen kicked the grass, then pulled his foot back lest he trigger a mine. “You don’t think there might be bigger dangers facing us?”

“Don’t know if you noticed, but immigrants have invaded our little neighborhood. We got three Asians, six Mexicans, and two Africans moved in since 2020. I gotta cover my ass.”

Between the “hell” and the “no,” a UFO dropped from the clouds and beamed Otto on board. It flew to the end of the block and vanished.

Jensen leaned against the Hummer. “Guess you should have built a dome instead.”

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