Hashtagging

The best ideas come to you when you’re stoned. If only they were still good the next day.

MARY JANE’S BEST IDEAS arrived when she was stoned. Her decision to drop out of medical school to become a freelance free love artist, for instance. Or her decision to leave her family and join the Worshippers of the Stoner Sun commune in Big Bend National Park (before the Park Service found them and evicted them). But her latest idea exceded them all—a sure-fire fortune making scheme.

She fired another bowl and started building her Squarespace site, picking the launch screen image, the banner, the products page. Her bff/fwb Thurgood wandered into the room and cast a glance over her shoulder. “What’s happening, babe? You’re usually couch-locked by this time of the afternoon.”

Mary Jane added menus, even though she wasn’t sure what menu items she would need. Then she scrolled the mouse pointer to the site banner which read: “#ContrabandHashtags.”

Mary Jane’s bff/fwb Thurgood wandered into the room and cast a glance over her shoulder. “What’s happening, babe? You’re usually couch-locked by this time of the afternoon.”

“I’m going to make a fortune selling weed-based hashtags. Whatever stoner hashtag you want to use with your posts, you can buy it from my site. Just ten dollars a hashtag.”

Thurgood opened their stash box to see how much she’d consumed already. “And you copyrighted these hashtags? Do your customers get exclusive rights to the ones they buy?”

She looked up from the monitor and cast the glare that mothers practice for hours to shame their teenaged children. “Stoners alwaysshare.”

“I’m going to make a fortune selling weed-based hashtags. Whatever stoner hashtag you want to use with your posts, you can buy it from my site. Just ten dollars a hashtag.”

Thurgood packed the pipe. “Here’s a hashtag—since people can just take the hashtag and use it without paying. #You’reShitOutOfLuck.”

Mary Jane snatched the pipe from his fingers and tucked it behind the keyboard. “We’ll use the honors system. Trust the goddess, Thurgood. Unlike you, my faith is in abundant supply.”

Thurgood left her at their computer to catch another episode of the Freak Brothers on his iPad. As he settled on the couch, he thought of another hashtag. “#2Clueless.”