Water, Water, Everywhere, And Not a Drop to Think

FIRST, A CONFESSION: I’m a data drunkard, too. Mind you, I never use A.I. to write for me, because robots are unoriginal writers and thinkers by design. But sometimes I really DO want to know what people most like to do when they’re in the Dordogne, in France, or what’s the surest stratagem to kill Japanese beetles. And A.I., being utterly brainless, can regurgitate with the best of them. And I, too, type in A.I. prompts, while knowing full well that Colorado, where I live, is in a dire drought this summer, after the least wintery winter since I’ve been here. H2Oh no! Which is why my editor at the Colorado Sun leapt in with both feet when I proposed a 12-Step program for data drunkards like me, to save dwindling rivers like the Colorado. I can’t say I’m all the way on the wagon, yet, but I can tell that wagon is rolling in the direction I want to go. Care to join me?

(Peter Moore, Special to The Colorado Sun)

THERE ARE AT LEAST FIVE WAYS that data centers suck up the water supplies that we don’t actually have right now.

• With water-cooled chillers, these cavernous constructions keep overloaded wires from melting down.

• With enormous water-driven swamp coolers, these absurdly huge hothouses keep the air inside those enormous buildings below Hades-level.

• With free-cooling systems, these Brobdingnagian bunkers use outside water to cool inside air down from fire-breathing-dragon levels.

• With liquid-cooling systems, these gargantuan structures circulate water through computer equipment to keep it from becoming molten silicon.

• These egregious edifices tax the air-conditioning systems in neighboring homes, which are heated to between 4 and 18 degrees by the hot breath of our outrageous data addictions.

Which is why a proposed new data center in Denver estimated that it would use about 805,000 gallons of water per day. It would take 4,025 days for your household to gulp that much. If the heat isn’t already making your head swim, those numbers might.

Of course, tech apologists will argue that those numbers are dwarfed by the agricultural uses of water. Fair enough. But tell me, which of these do you need more: An AI-generated article filled with half-truths about the history of Japanese cooking, or actual food on your table?

Din din, for the win.

It’s time we checked into rehab.

To help out, I have adapted Alcoholics Anonymous’s famous “Twelve Steps” to sober up the 57 thirsty data centers in our neighborhoods, and the 6 million Coloradans who can’t seem to slake their appetite for AI.

Repeat after me:

“With artificial intelligence, we are summoning the demon.” – Elon Musk

And he would know.

Hey, delightful free reader of the Road2Elsewhere! I’m thrilled that you’re here. Now, maybe make a small investment in this weekly mouthpiece for things I care deeply about, or find hilarious, or both? Do us both a favor and begin your paid subscription, so I don’t end up typing these under an overpass by the highway. Many thanks.