UNDERSTANDING MUTUALITY IN RELATIONSHIPS - THE INNER ARCHITECTURE

Aka why you feel you’re close with someone and while it looks like open balanced mutuality, your system is signalling there is something off

Part of my lineage work and cultivation path is deep diving into inner mechanism of things - the dynamics, how the parts behind the outside forms and interactions move beneath the outer layers, how the energy moves, how it connects or disrupts; how the subtle configures and interacts.

This practice and ability of clarifying and orientation of the inner seeing, structuring and tracking is one of my innate abilities, as well as lived and finetuned skill (developed, enriched and chiselled by variety of experiences and practice from the temple training, martial arts practice, energy arts, shamanic and animist praxis, world-wide travel, psychology studies, nervous system knowledge, to working on serious and critical incident while at the Public Protection Unit at British police, as well as lifelong linguistic immersion; cultural bridging, and more).

Understanding the inner system mechanism, the patterning and inner dynamics is important because it helps us to see how that impacts our everyday life. Especially the decision making, our behaviour and choices and as such the creating of our everyday as well as long-term reality.

This kind of 'inner engineering' skills and practice is part of the path of self-mastery and helps to cultivate clear discernment, present awareness, firm understanding and clear seeing/perceiving.
Thanks to this one can understand things clearly in its multi-layered and multi-aspected complexity; in the right context. To understand and name things with precision is awesome for precision in communication and self-expression, and also very importantly in constructive decision-making.

Here is the mechanism of things - just a morsel based on example of scenario:

You have someone in your life you like and respect, you feel real affection and connection and on the outside it looks mutual but the inside is a different story.

But here is the catch 'mutuality’ is not measured by 'affection' or 'exchange'. MUTUALITY is measured by impact.

So if you think 'hmm, on outside our interactions look like mutuality, there is balanced exchange but somewhere inside there is this strange feeling you cannot really describe in words but it's something like 'Yes, but... But there is something off'. There is likely something 'off'.

It likely because your system is sensitive to congruency of fields and it is tracking something along the lines for example in colleague/friend settings: “I open, they absorbs”, "I share, they adopt", "I show, they implement", "I transmit, they use" without fair and balanced energetic/subtle field contract/permission. This is not about the social layer of transaction but it is about deeper - energetic and emotional settings. And why you couldn’t ‘put your finger on it’ is because the breach is not in the layer of the content but on the level of the patterning, in the layer of the pattern. It is not easy to detect and articulate. And yet this scenario happens a lot and our system gets confused and entangled in this confusion trigger loop on regular basis if we don’t shift and reset.
It also has to be said that often this kind of ‘extraction’ behaviour is not deliberate on the other party’s side in the relationship. Often it’s unconscious systemic behaviour, sometimes it’s partially subconscious, but sometimes it is really deliberate and aimed at exploitation. Often this type of relating/behaviour is connected to internal patterns of scarcity or hunger in their own system/field.

So what's described above is not mutuality, it's ‘asymmetric extraction’ and that is why your internal system/radar is signalling you something is off.

Usually, if we don’t have this clarity, we end up questioning ourselves - our own system detection capabilities, our own judgement, ourselves - 'is there something wrong with me here? Is there a problem on my side of the equation?'

This creates distortion in our system. When we base our choices and actions on this emotionally unclear ground, it usually leads to feeding of the destabilising loop of uncertainty within and to outcomes we really don't want. It does impact the way we start relating to the other person or persons involved in this situation (e.g. suppression of our feelings, relating, sharing; or conflict; aggressive competition or withdrawal and making oneself smaller, and anger).

Another emotion often involved in this scenario is either frustration or anger or both. And because 'anger' is still identified by the outer systems (society, families, schools, etc.) as unacceptable emotion (though thankfully that is slowly but surely changing and anger is being accepted as normal and necessary and to be 'healthily' and non-destructively processed) - there is the tendency to avoid, supress or bypass the anger. And instead of naming it for what it is in this scenario 'A Messenger bearing information that your boundaries have been breached' it can be turned into guilt, self-blame, outer aggressivity and lead to further unwanted emotional loops and unwanted behaviour.

But when we understand the layers and dynamics behind this situation though, we can choose to change our inner settings, reset boundaries, choose different responses, shut down the feeding of unhelpful loops and develop finetuned recognition skill and trust for our system steering us right. But for this we need clarity in understanding of the situational architecture and our own system. Mapping its tendencies and reactivity we get the measure of its/ours respons-ability and hone the skills of sensing, seeing, analysing, discerning, as well as remodelling, resetting and repatterning our internal field for better and clearer decision-making and action-ability.

You can develop trust in your system because you know how to correctly and clearly decipher the messages its sending you via your body. You can let go of the disruptive self-doubt that creates an energy/capacity leak; you can work clearly and precisely with your system resetting it to neutral and making better decision for yourself and your sphere of influence/responsibility.

This is about inner work, about self-leadership, about self-mastery - the precision and the finetuning, the mastery of different layers of experiencing, knowing, greater access to the resources and potential of self and shifting the reality to better, more attuned, more congruent, richer one.

If you understand, you understand. If it makes no sense, it's not yours. Both is equally fine, fair and valid.