The Triumphs and Tribulations of Mastering Self - The Old Diary

She’s done a good old fashioned 2-hour training again! The things is that Monday, Tuesday and today have been the first days with this Kung-fu Chick being back to proper training. The shoulder injury thing is not completely healed, so I’m avoiding push-ups and any other stuff that may aggravate it too much. But my hope is that with careful stretching and smart way of training it may go away. Of course brining an Osteopath and a good massage treatment into the equation will improve those chances greatly. The major plus is that I may actually recover my ‘sanity’ (or comfortable levels of insanity) just in time.

The problem with one month’s break from training due to injuries is of course that when you come back you feel like you’re feeling like its beginning from zero… yet again! That worries and frustrates me.

Like for example with the stamina thing the other day - this Kung-fu Chicks goes for a run around the block to warm up and work on building up her stamina again. Her mind remembers that this running route was one of the easiest ones, so she starts with a brisk pace, but oh woe oh woe, since she has not been doing this for a month her lungs start burning half way into the route, so much so that there is almost a smoke trail behind her. But what does she do? Her being a creature born of pure stubbornness and shear determination, she pretends to the outside world that she is absolutely fine, keeps speeding up with a smile on her face (on inside it’s more like a death grimace though). This is because her mindset is that ‘this will either kill me or make me stronger, damn it! Think of the warriors of ancient Sparta, my darling, don’t be a wuss!’
So, this aspiring Spartan woman ‘wisely’ decides that whilst she is silently choking on her own blood and sweat, her pride thing won’t let her either slow down or walk any part of her running route, so she has to just do or die. Extreme? Possibly.

Three quarters into the running route, she gets in a better rhythm and has somehow learnt to cope with the lack of oxygen and ignoring the ‘voice of reason’ shouting in her head: ‘for goodness sake woman slow down, you’ve been off with injury!!’
So what does she do next in response the voice of reason? She increases her speed, of course, she can see her finishing line now and her ‘bloody stubborn’ voice says ‘push yourself! You can do it! You must do it!’
Her ‘reasonable voice’ screams ‘Are you mad woman?!’ So, she does the only thing she knows at this stage further increasing her speed, of course.

You’ve, probably heard that saying about the two wolves living inside our head and which one we feed gets stronger and all that… You can make your own judgement what’s going on here and which wolf/voice is being nourished here. Some call it ‘insanity’, I’d prefer to call it ‘determination’. Part of me feels like I would rather die, than giving into a weakness (or what I perceive as such). So, yeah, I will finish my usual route, it’s so damn uncomfortable, the lungs and the leg muscles straining, but I will go until it’s completed, until it’s done!
Something in me needs this discomfort, this pushing, this building up of the steal within… Do I know why? No, not really! What I know is only that something deep inside me is driving me to push further even if the reasonable logical mind keeps arguing otherwise.

So, that running ‘warm up’ accomplished I decide that when I catch my breath now is the time to do the ‘real’ training. Two hours later after Shaolin stretching routine, chi-kung, kicks and stance drills, as well as punching bag practice - bruised achy but happy I finish. It’s a good thing. My body aches but my spirit is nourished. Such a different scenario and quality if I gave into the voice nudging me to wait and rest another day, not to push, to give in to the discomfort and choose comfort.

There is one thing to say for the discomfort - as one of my teachers used to say: ‘The harder time on the practice mat, the easier time on the battlefield’, and he was of course right. The battlefield of life keeps bringing its tests upping up the levels and seeking the relief of comfort when not really necessary, is not going to help me build resiliency, strength, power and continue my chosen path even when storms hit. My heart is called to the Path of the Warrior, whatever it means, whichever form it’ll take for me, but I’m on my path of discovery and I don’t want to lose that path…

The thing is, if you get that right you can be extremely effective even with the basic ‘staple diet’ of simple basic techniques. When you’ve got them right, if you’ve got your centre, your balance and can execute any of the basics without thinking about them, you add the ‘understanding’ of the aspect of TIMING-MEASURE-DISTANCE (meaning ‘understand it with your bodymind), you can do a hell of a lot. You can use any situation more or less to your advantage. You’ll be free to come up with the best possible combinations best suited to the individual, situation, opponent, context…

Now Shifu/Maister Brown has also taught another important thing - you really need to understand your body mechanics, get your technique right and trust yourself with it. And with Maister Brown there is nothing better but teaching through experience and example.

What he liked to do most is to demonstrate what he was explaining on a live example. And trust me, you didn’t want to be that ‘live example’ unless you’ve got your technique right. I remember how he was explaining to his students that it does not matter about how big or strong you’re, if you get your technique right. He was teaching us single western sword and showing how to block in the upper guard if you cannot avoid your opponent’s cut to the head. So, we all stand around him listening to his explanation, it of course made good sense, we all agreed on the theory - all being good and well, until he says with a dangerous grin:

I hear my name, I suspect I know what’s coming - all my life is going to flash in front of my eyes and then I’ll hear the Valkyries singing...!

The Maister still grinning shouts at me to prepare for attack, saying to Ben: “Give it all, your full strength! Don’t be a gentleman!”
Everyone can see the doubt and uncertainty in Ben’s eyes. Obviously, he doesn’t want to kill his fellow student but, well, there is no arguing with your teacher, right? (I mean, at this point I’d like to but I don’t dare to, and part of me - the insane part - wants to know what will happen).

Then I see it all happening in sort of slow motion movie style, and yeah, Ben is giving the hit all he’s got as ordered! Some logical part of my mind assesses the situation with detached fascination thusly : “Well, if you don’t get this right you’ll be brained, you know.”

As I was told later by the amused audience - the blood seemed to drain from my face, my eyes got really big like in a cartoon in anticipation of what was to happening (apparently Ben’s too) and I add that my whole life didn’t pass in front of my eyes, what did pass in front of my eyes however was an awfully fast going sword heading for my head. I don’t know what or how it happened, there was a collective gasp, then a heavy clang and there I’m standing - hero unto myself, with my brain intact, holding firm, having blocked the attack.

I did get it right, and not with muscle strength but with technique. The consistent training of basics took over. Ben was a bit surprised, I was even more surprised, the only one that didn’t seem to be surprised at all was our teacher. And this is how I’ve learnt the importance of getting the technique right by means of consistent repeated training no matter how boring it may seem at certain stage. And this is what in certain situation makes the difference between your head staying on your neck or you hearing the Valkyries sing...!

Since that moment I not only found the confidence in a technique well drilled, well understood and well executed, but I also got to repeat that glorious moment of being my Shifu’s ‘example’ to new students and have got a great heroic story to tell (unlike the previous one with the door or running).

A lesson I’m grateful for and won’t forget!

So, learn, train train train and get the techniques right, no matter if they are martial or other type on your path to mastery, or hear the Valkyries sing! :)

Here I leave you with Master Morihei Ueshiba’s:

The purpose of training is to tighten up the slack, toughen the body, and polish the spirit.

The Way of a Warrior

Cannot be encompassed

By words or in letters:

Grasp the essence

And move on toward realization!