Proving Nothing to No One Anymore

As I get older, a quiet but powerful shift is taking place. I have realized that I no longer feel the need to prove anything to anyone. Not through my appearance, the things I have, or how I spend my time. That includes where I spend it.

I find that I say less to people who don’t know me. I no longer feel the need to explain myself or to be understood. Whether someone agrees with me or not simply doesn’t carry the same weight. I used to care. Now I don’t.

For much of our lives, we measure ourselves against expectations, both our own and those of others. We try to keep up, fit in, and meet standards that often don’t even matter to us. Over time, that pressure begins to fade. It doesn’t disappear overnight, but one day you realize it’s no longer driving your decisions.

Life becomes simpler. Decisions feel easier. There is a growing sense of comfort in just being who you are. It’s not about giving up or stepping back. It’s about moving forward with clarity and quiet confidence.

It’s a subtle shift, but one that can change how we experience everyday life.

Throughout my childhood, like most of us, I was influenced by expectations. Restricted by them might be a better way to describe it.

I loved to skate and played hockey at the local rink until puberty hit and girls weren’t supposed to play hockey. I was livid. My parents put me in figure skating classes, which felt like torture. Elegance on the ice was just not my calling.

In high school, I wanted to take drafting to explore architecture and engineering. Instead, I was pointed down the hall toward home economics and child care. That wasn’t going to happen.

Once I entered the workforce, expectations became even more visible. How I dressed, how I behaved, and even the roles I took on, were shaped by what was considered appropriate. I wore dresses when expected, pants when allowed, and stockings that always felt uncomfortable.

Over time, I began to make different choices. I chose a career over marriage and a family. I chose technology and distance running over a predictable routine. These weren’t always popular decisions. I was often told I was making a mistake. Women weren’t expected to live this way.

For years, I felt I needed to explain my choices. To justify them. To make sure others understood that I was good with the life I had chosen.

By my 50s, I was still explaining myself at times, but something had started to change. The opinions of others didn’t land the same way. I noticed that criticism had less impact. I was still listening, but I was no longer absorbing it.

Instead, I began to see things differently. I realized that many people view life through a very narrow lens. They believe there is one right way to do things. I simply no longer shared that view.

By my 60s, the need to explain had mostly disappeared. The comments became fewer, and I suspect that was because people could see that I was comfortable with my choices. I wasn’t trying to convince anyone anymore. I was simply living my life.

And now I’m a lifestyle writer and a garbage artist. I love turning garbage into something beyond creative, and still be useful and fun. Working my Happy Cat Booth at summer craft markets in the Ottawa area, is something I really look forward to. My background and experience don’t matter anymore. I’m doing what I love.

There is a quiet confidence that comes with this shift.

I notice it in simple places. Walking into a construction shop, for example. I don’t hesitate. I don’t feel out of place. I know what I need, and I belong there as much as anyone else.

A few days ago, I stopped to see a friend during a long walk. She wasn’t there, so I spoke with her staff. One of them seemed concerned that I was far from home on a very hot day. She told me that at my age I needed to take care of myself.

She may have meant well. I smiled and told her that on Sundays I walk even further. Then I continued on my way.

Moments like that no longer require a response or a defence. They simply pass.

There is a calm confidence that comes when you stop measuring yourself against expectations, both your own and those of others. Life becomes lighter and more comfortable. Not because anything around you has changed, but because your relationship with it has.

It isn’t about rejecting expectations entirely. It’s about no longer being guided by them.

I’m no longer giving in to what is expected. I’m settling into who I am, without explanation.

And now for something new…

Many of you have commented that you enjoy my bits about expat life in Thailand. I decided to alternate my Q&A and interviews with a section on Expat Life in Thailand.

I had to go to Krabi Town to renew my Retirement Visa this week, so I decided to do a short bit on Krabi Town, the expat essential.

Most visitors to southern Thailand never give Krabi Town a second thought. They are so focused on the islands and the beaches that they don’t realize this town quietly keeps everything running.

For expats, Krabi Town is essential. For those of us living on Koh Lanta, it’s part of life. Krabi Town is a 2 hour drive that includes a 20 minute ferry ride, with postcard perfect views. Many expats go weekly, especially those who run businesses, to stock up on supplies and whatever else their business needs.

Short video taken on the car ferry from Koh Lanta to the mainland

Others, like me, go monthly for two main reasons. Firstly, we can get whatever we need from the shops and the various government departments. Secondly, and just as important, it’s a chance to have a day off the island. I call it a day in “civilization,” with streetlights, multi-storey buildings, and people going about their business. It’s like a mental reset into reality. Living on an island, with a gorgeous garden and lots of privacy, is wonderful, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes we get too used to it, and don’t fully appreciate the beauty and tranquility of Lanta. A dose of reality can be refreshing. It reminds us of how lucky we are to be living on Koh Lanta.

Krabi Town is the provincial capital of Krabi Province and has all the government offices expats need. The most important office is Immigration. Staying in Thailand means renewing, updating, and reporting regularly, depending on the type of long-term visa we have. No one who lives here wants any issues, and we’ve all seen what happens when people neglect their visas.

Amazing statue hidden behind the parking lot behind the Krabi Immigration building, a place tourists rarely go

The Ministry of Transport is also in Krabi for driver’s licences and vehicle registration. It’s great having a Thai driver’s licence. It tells whatever authority I’m dealing with that I belong here and have a residency permit. Oh yes, that government office is here too.

With an international airport on the outskirts of Krabi Town, it’s a major hub for expats traveling and for the many tourists heading to the resort areas nearby. The staff who work at the airport and for the airlines help make Krabi Town a vibrant community. There are lots of small hotels and plenty of restaurants. There is also a day market and a busy night market, amazing temples, and even a modern art museum.

Krabi Town has always had good shopping, with big box stores offering everything from food to appliances and building materials. I have a shop I go to for sewing supplies, another for cat food, and a big shop called HomePro, for household items. Makro, like a Costco, is great for buying in bulk, and the Big C grocery store is like a Walmart.

This year, a modern shopping centre opened in the middle of town. Central is a large department store brand in Thailand, with malls across the country offering a wide range of shops, including well-known brands, high-end grocery stores, and sports shops.

Going to a Central mall is an event. Having one of these large malls in Krabi Town adds another dimension to the trip. Maybe not for the shopping, but for the experience.

For me, the most amazing part of going to Krabi Town is seeing at the traffic light stands in the centre of the town. They have giant statues of elephants, eagles, tigers, apes, and men holding the lights. They are truly something to behold.

I’m always still gazing at them when the light turns green. Then the honking brings me back to driving. They were there the first time I visited, over 20 years ago, and they’re still there. During Covid, someone put masks on the men and the apes. Thais love to have fun, especially when facing a difficult situation.

Tourists pass through Krabi Town when arriving or departing from their beach vacation. Most are whisked away at the airport and skip it entirely. Whereas we expats rely on it. Two completely different experiences of the same place. Another contrast in a country of contrasts. The common Thai phrase “same same, but different” definitely explains how Krabi Town is perceived.

Living somewhere is very different from visiting it. Places like Krabi Town become part of the rhythm of everyday life. Not exciting, but essential.

In my next Substack Newsletter on May 2nd, I’m going to share another shift that has come with age, realizing that things I once thought weren’t quite enough, or not quite right, can turn out to be exactly right. For much of my life, I was always adjusting and improving, trying to move things from acceptable to better, and then to ideal.

Now I see it differently. The bed doesn’t have to be perfectly made. The dishes don’t have to be in the right place. My shirt doesn’t have to match my pants, and my hair can be rather messy. Almost okay has become my new perfect.

It’s a quieter way of looking at life, but a much more comfortable one.